The Sopranos: For the Love of a Mob Wife

Carmela & Tony Soprano

Now I am not big on demands, but I was given an assignment.  I found it an intriguing one. I was asked to look into if Tony Soprano loved Carmela. For those that do not know "The Sopranos" was once upon a time a hit HBO series.  There were six seasons from 1999-2007.  Even individuals who didn't tune in for every episode or every season watched the infamous final episode.  The final scene is in a restaurant, nothing happens that we see.  Plenty of viewers were up in arms over the last scene & ending of The Sopranos.  I admit I was a bit disappointed.  I don't think it was a bad way to end the series.  A viewer can make what they will out of it's meaning.  Some search engines have been sending folks to The Mob Wives Blogspot to answer a question on their Soprano's minds:  Did Tony love Carmela? Of course they are disappointed when the reach our site to find no blog entry even addressing the issue of Tony Soprano's love or lack there of in regards to Carmela.  Today their disappointment comes to an end.

To tackle whether or not Tony loved Carmela, one should first tackle the question: Is Tony capable of love? Tony is one of the most fascinating characters in recent scripted television history because he was so flawed.  Tony adored his father but never was respected by his father.  He was the son of a mother who truly dispised the lifestyle that her husband led.   Tony was hated by his mother, Livia Soprano.  She could not stand Tony.  Livia's sole goal in life seemed to be to make all of her children's lives miserable.  She even plotted to have Tony whacked.  As the boss of the family, Tony suffered a mental breakdown.   Maybe his sometimes odd behavior caused people to be wary.  Maybe his long term parental issues eventually led him to a breakdown.  He never seemed to get the respect he coveted from either of his families.  Tony showed respect to most but his conflicted nature would never allow him to love unconditionally.  In hindsight I believe respect & love was intertwined for Tony Soprano.

The Sopranos

Tony seemed to love Carmela for one reason.  She was the mother of his children. Some people may argue that having children with another person does not make them love each other.  I agree.  However many do respect & love the mothers & fathers of their children.  I believe the responsibility of parenthood was a burden to Tony.  He didn't have the patience nor dedication beyond providing for his children.  Carmela was responsible for the home, A.J., and Meadow.  Carmela was The Boss of the home and Tony an earner.

Tony did not love Carmella unconditionally. Hell Tony did not even love himself. He led a self-destructive life and was depressed.  There is no way Tony was capable of loving his wife.  I am of the opinion that many spouses go through the motions of love.  However, there is no true love beyond wanting to spare the kids a divorce or the pain of splitting up assets.

One way to really address the answer is by Tony's actions during season after season. Tony fucked everything and anything on the show.  He even seemed to love some of the women.  He never seemed as passionate with Carmela.  I am trying to remember if Tony and Carmella ever did have sex on the show. I think maybe once, but I am not sure.  Some readers may say that sex is not really love.  For many men we equate sex with love, especially sweaty sex that lasts all night when you first met your mate.

I never gleamed the passion between Tony & Carmela unless they were arguing.  They both seemed comfortable for the most part within the context of their marriage.  He brought home the bacon.  Carmela fried it.  I think as people grow old together, they eventually just become happy coexisting.  Not all people who are married simply coexist.  They do love each other.  Tony didn't feel loved growing up.  He never learned how to love.  Somewhere in the evolution of this character love was synonymous with respect.  Tony Sr. didn't respect Tony.  Livia his entertaining twisted miserable mother surely hated him.  No one seemed to truly respect him.  At the end of the day, Tony didn't have the ability to love.  He didn't love himself let alone Carmela.  He went true the motions of love.  In the end, love was a stranger to Tony he'd never meet. Tony did not love Carmela.

Well some of you will be heartbroken to know there will be no new episode of Mob Wives airing tomorrow night.  Take it easy don't shoot the messenger!  I wish you all a great holiday weekend.

Mob Wives: Carmela Soprano vs. Mob Wives

How do you live the life of a mob wife or mob princess for that matter, knowing what your husband and father do in order to earn a living? How do you enjoy that money knowing how it was obtained? It’s been said that mob wives are not told what their fathers and husbands are doing, it’s all very private, but is it really?

Carmela surely knew what Tony did for a living. He told her more than once, that she knew who he was when she married him. Sure she loved him, but she loved the lavish materialistic lifestyle that she enjoyed by being married to him too. The mansion, the furs, the jewelry, the money…sound familiar? Did she know all the details of his “business,” no she didn’t, and she liked it that way. Just like our four mob wives, she used denial and rationalization in order to live with herself.

Of the four mob wives, I think Carla may be the most guilty of using denial and rationalization. A few things have been bothering me about her. When she spoke of her husband’s “stock fraud,” she said she didn’t consider it a crime. She neglects to mention he also was guilty of money laundering and other charges. Carla admits to having an uncle with mob ties, but never mentions her father’s alleged connections except to say that he went to prison when she was very young. She also fails to tell her children that their father was in jail. I get the impression that Carla wants to keep her head in the sand, but her body in designer clothes, expensive jewelry and fur coats (sans sleeves).

What’s up with Drita? How many years can she rationalize waiting for a man to get out of prison? She isn’t getting any younger either. I know of very few marriages that could survived such a long term separation. This couple does not strike me as being particularly devoted to each other. Maybe being with the other three “unattached” mob wives, will finally help her to see the light that she doesn’t have to live in limbo waiting for Lee.

Renee rationalizes her whole participation in the series. She talks about loyalty in every episode. She demands respect from everyone. And yet, when it comes to giving her father loyalty and respect what does she do? She ignores his wishes about being on the show. Just yesterday, she tweets that she is in Star magazine. The topic of the Star magazine interview is about why her father isn’t speaking to her any more. Anthony Graziano is getting more publicity than ever before. I am sure he will be thrilled with his new claim to fame when he is released from prison in January 2012.

That leaves Karen. You have to admit Karen isn’t in denial about her father’s crimes because he spelled them all out in his book. That makes it almost impossible for her to rationalize his crimes, but she does rationalize his snitching. She also has compassion for her father’s victims. I wonder if she would have given them a second thought if history taken a different path for her father?

But, let’s get back to Carmela. Since it’s going to be Mother’s Day tomorrow, I wanted to close with one of my favorite Carmela quotes:

MUTHA'S DAY -- CARMELA (to LIVIA): "I want you to cut the drama. It's killing Tony. ... This "poor mother, nobody loves me" victim crap. It is textbook manipulation. ... I am a mother, too, don't forget. ... You're bigger than life. You are his mother." (blog.washingtonpost.com/sopranos)

Happy Mother’s Day and don’t forget to catch episode 4 tomorrow night!