Mob Wives: Recap “Purgatory,” Ep 409

Mob Wives of The Corn

that should have been the title of this episode!

Remember the old Wendy's commercial where the old lady says, “Where’s the beef?” when she opens her hamburger bun and sees something the size of a half dollar in it? Well, that what this episode is all about. Lots of scripted “filler” scenes without any “beef” or substance. It’s really too bad. Here we go...

A recap of last week’s sit down is provided at Big Ang’s house when Renee shows up. Renee tells her about her sit down with Alicia. “She came in like a deer and went out like Godzilla…she is nothing like she claims to be,” says Renee.  It was a vicious meeting. Renee is very upset that Alicia is accusing her of leaking information to the newspaper. Renee says she really doesn’t like Alicia and only befriended her because of her friendship with Eddie. Ang says Alicia shouldn’t believe everything she hears. I say Alicia should tend to her own business, her criminal case, her children and her Boo.

At the same time, Alicia tells Natalie about the sit down. She is upset that Renee denied everything she "knows" is true. Alicia says people are coming to her from every direction to tell her Renee is trying to get dirt on her. Natalie agrees with everything she says about Renee. Will someone please explain to me why Renee has to ask anyone for any “dirt” on Alicia? All you have to do is Google her name on the internet and it’s all there in black and white and 50 shades of gray. Is Renee really her only enemy? What about all the truck drivers she stole pension funds from? What about all Eddie’s goumadas? What about her Boo’s wife? I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there willing to leak information. Hell, I have read comments on other sites, from people in Philly, who have a lot to say about her…most of it not good and none of them Renee.

Toto we are back in Kansas! Tell me if any of you believe that 40+ women would actually go pumpkin picking, without children, if there were no show or cameras around? Well, that’s exactly what they are trying to sell us this week! Ang, Natalie, Drita and Alicia meet for some pumpkin picking. Renee didn’t show up. Thank God someone had some sense.  Now for “Mob Wives of The Corn.” Natalie wants to scare the girls with the haunted corn maze. Natalie loves Halloween and loves to be scared. Ang and Drita are scared. Ang isn’t into cornfields. They leave the fields and go get some pumpkins. Alicia loves these moments with the girls because they make her laugh. Please Alicia, couldn’t you come up with a better line? This whole episode would make me laugh if it wasn’t so ridiculous. Natalie says she is planning a huge Halloween bash and is pulling out all the stops. It will be held at the Carto Funeral Home. This is so unbelievable that…

@Dondig tweets, “Do they do Christenings too.” I chime in, “how about weddings?”  And @TweetPolice adds, “Maybe a Briss?”

I mean come on, this is a funeral home for Carto’s sake. They are supposed to have some decorum, and a reputation for dignity. How good can this be for business? I just popped in to the Carto Funeral Home website. It all looks very professional and no “parties” have been added to their services. And, while Natalie says she is part owner, her name or picture is nowhere to be found. The only license I can find for her is one in cosmetology (make up), NOT a funeral director license. I wonder if she greets grieving customers in her usual attire…which don’t strike me as professional at all. Well, that’s their problem. I don't know how they run things in Philly.

The ladies all love the idea of a party, but then tough girl Drita gets cold feet when she hears it will be in the funeral home. Natalie thinks she should invite Renee because she is including everyone she knows. She decides to call right there and invite Renee. But Renee doesn’t answer her phone, so she leaves a message. Drita thinks this is the best opportunity for Renee to make peace with the Philly chicks. Really Drita? One of them is calling her a snitch and accused her of sleeping with her husband. The other one has been disrespecting her for several episodes and you think this is a great time to mend fences?

Renee and AJ go out for a bite to eat. They talk about his girlfriend and how “serious” the relationship is. Renee doesn’t believe in getting married young. AJ says he and his girlfriend want to get an apartment together. Renee doesn’t want him to leave, he’s too young. Renee tells him she is happy with her business, things are going well, and she is expanding her line. The cookbook, How To Use A Meat Cleaver, is going well too, it’s about to come out soon. She doesn’t have time for the BS with the girls.

Drita is back to the rapping scenario. She hopes her lyrics are good enough for Method Man to hear them. Anthony wants to hear some of it. As Drita reads the lyrics, Method Man comes in and Drita freaks out, but she thinks she is playing it cool. Now she has to rap in front of Method Man. I’m not impressed with her rap and nether is Method Man. He has a problem with the beginning, I have a problem with all of it. He adds some words to make it sound better. Method Man reads the lyrics and they sound 100% better. I think he could rap the phone book. Drita tries it, and to me it sounds so amateurish…which it is. It’s obvious, even to me, that Drita’s rapping skills are weak at best. Considering she has been rapping since she was two years old, she really hasn’t come very far. Next.

Drunken Monkey. Ang and Neil are back to the baby talk. Ang isn’t getting any younger at 54, so they better get on it. Ya think? She doesn’t want to give birth to it…and couldn’t if she wanted to. So they need an egg donor and a surrogate. Just like that, it’s simple. Neil just wants to have a baby and tells her to just make it happen, he doesn’t care about the details. If anyone believes any of this nonsense, I’ll pray for you.

Renee house. Renee picks up her phone and sees she missed Natalie’s call and a prison call. She plays Natalie’s message for her friend Nikki. Natalie invites her to her Halloween bash. Renee says she will not go, it didn’t even sound like a sincere invite. On the message, Natalie mentions she was with the girls. Renee feels they used to be her girls, but now they’re hers. Renee thinks Natalie is only inviting her to the party to look good in front of the girls. Renee ain’t done with her. After Vegas, this is the first time Natalie calls her, and it’s to invite her to a Halloween party? I say “What about the damn prison call?” That’s the only thing that sounded interesting all night!

Did Drita go as an Anime Manga Doll?

Welcome to the first OFFICIAL Carto Funeral Home Halloween Party! Yeah right! And tell me this isn’t scripted? Natalie is wearing next to nothing…nothing at all. Drita says she is wearing “No clothes, just contacts.” Natalie says she is supposed to be Purgatory, the place between heaven and hell. Right now I am leaning towards hell. Drita looks like one of those anime manga dolls, as best as I can figure it. Natalie got a text message from Renee, it’s a novel. She can’t read it. Drita reads it for her. Renee texts that she wants to meet her face to face, one on one. Natalie says no. She invited her to the party to make things better. Renee texts she feels like she might be walking into a “setup,” like she did in Vegas…which pisses Drita off; she feels insulted and Ang does too. Drita says Renee did everything wrong in Vegas, so they couldn’t stick up for her. Alicia is dressed like “Wonder Woman“…hmmm I feel some jokes coming on. I wonder where the pension funds went. I wonder what she said on the Fed wire taps. I wonder if she cut a plea deal. I wonder if she would meet Karen in the finale... All I can say is Alicia always leaves me wondering about one thing or another. I’m surprised she didn’t come as her favorite Goddess of Thieves, Laverna. Big Ang is dressed as a zombie. No one can get over how little Natalie is wearing, one tiny step above naked. Natalie wants to make Halloween parties a tradition at the funeral home...between wakes? Now Ang is talking against Renee, for not coming to the party and for the text message saying “setup.” There was no set up, says Drita and Ang, and they find this comment extremely offensive. Now all four of them are talking about Renee. Drita and Ang are going to have a sit down with Renee. Goody!

Natalie's guests dancing the night away, oh brother!

Still in Philly at the Halloween party…where is plenty of lame dancing. Did you see all those people flopping awkwardly around, like fish just pulled from the water? They were “dancing” like the kids in a Charlie Brown episode? The text from Renee put a little damper on the party. Ang and Drita go outside for a smoke. Ang says Renee should have been there. Drita says she is alienating herself. They agree they have to confront Renee because they need her to explain. I’ll tell you what I need…more reality and some of my original New York mob wives back!

Confrontation time! The last few minutes we have the confrontation between Renee, and Ang and Drita, who show up at Renee‘s house together. Drita is so pissed about the word “setup.” One of my followers on Twitter, Brenda, pointed out that Drita accused Renee of “setting her up at the celebration of life party,” but I guess that was okay? (Thanks for reminding me Brenda!) Anyway, Drita wants to know why Renee didn’t go to the party. Renee says she didn’t want to be in Natalie’s company. This is understandable. Drita wants to know if Renee is mad at them for what happened in Vegas. Ang wants to know if Renee used the word “setup“…Renee says she used the word setup, but it wasn’t about Drita and Ang…that leaves Natalie and Alicia! Renee says she needs to keep the right people in her circle during her sobriety. Drita believes Renee when she tells her she wasn’t talking about them. Happy days! Drita asks about Renee telling Alicia that she didn’t like her. Renee says yes she did, she changed her mind about her. Ang thinks they should support each other. Drita feels she and Ang are stuck in the middle. Renee says she and Natalie have a lot of unresolved issues. Renee says she isn’t good at pretending, maybe they are. Drita gets offended, she doesn’t want to be called fake! Renee says she will meet with Natalie and settle this once and for all. Drita wishes her luck. Will somebody wish me luck…I have three more episodes to recap!