Mob Wives: Recap “Caught On Tape,” Ep 402

Poor, Poor Pitiful Me (link)

My two cents will be sprinkled in the recap like spice in a recipe!

Renee goes to Philly and lands in Alicia’s boutique with her fashion line. Alicia is going to sell Renee’s new line in her store…maybe next to the designer knock offs she is being sued for selling? But Alicia would never EVER do anything wrong, like embezzling or lying to a judge about going to Vegas, would she? (NY Post Designer Knock-Offs) They chat like old friends. Renee loves Edward, Edward loves Renee. Alicia has Eddie’s name tattooed on her wrist. He is still the love of her life. Love is in the air! It’s a regular love fest! Alicia tells Renee she was arrested, with eight other “gentlemen,” by the FBI. She explains that she did the books for the trucking company they owned because she wanted them done the “right” way.  The next thing you know 30 FBI agents show up at her door and arrest her on a Tuesday morning. She pleaded “guilty” to embezzlement, so I guess she wasn’t doing things correctly? And, she isn’t happy that her husband put her in this position. Awww,  now I can’t help but hear Linda Ronstadt singing, “Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me” in my head.

Drita and Big Ang go to the beauty salon/spa. They talk about the Mob Candy launch party. Big Ang launches into her opinion of “loose canon” Natalie, and she is worried about Renee spending so much time with this “wacko,” the face of Mob Candy. Both Drita and Ang feel that Renee got too close, too soon with Natalie…they just met. Ang doesn’t like Natalie and feels she is a bad influence on Renee. Drita is worried that Renee will slip up and become the party girl again. Ang says when she met her for the first time she made absolute, zero sense. All she was interested in was downing shots.” Look, if that’s the case, she should have never been cast in the show…just sayn’. Then Drita tells Ang about a stalker that keeps coming into her store and bothering and scaring her staff. Ang tells her to put a buzzer on the door. How about calling 911 if he’s been there so many times? And what happened to the cameras that were installed last season so Drita could watch the store from home? If so, this guy has to be on film already. And, I do remember those cameras Drita asked Lee to install, don’t you? If you don’t you can read about it in my Recap on Episode 311. Moving on, Renee calls and invites Drita and Ang to go lunch with her and Natalie. Big Ang immediately says she ain’t going. She didn’t like what happened the last time they met. She was only interested in ordering shots and it was disrespectful.

Natalie and her boyfriend, London, meet for dinner. Natalie goes on and on about how Renee’s friends are already judging her without knowing her for even 5 or 10 minutes, and they have no class. No class, Natalie? People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones (get someone to explain that one to you). She keeps saying they don’t know her. She tells London she intends to confront Drita and Big Ang about the way they talked about her behind her back, at the Mob Candy launch party, when she was just a couple of feet away. She is an M80 from SOUTH PHILLY, they are only firecrackers, and she intends to set them straight and it won’t be pretty.

Drita is chatting away with Alicia on the boardwalk. Since Alicia was in town, Drita thought it would be a good idea for them to meet. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s a perfect way for them to exchange sob stories? As they walk, they compare stories about how they met their husbands. Alicia feels Eddie lied to her about everything, she had no idea he was in the mob. Now why do I find this hard to believe?  Drita tells her Lee cheated on her. She had to take him back because the kids loved him too much, but she doesn’t seem to trust him 100%. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I didn’t need a recap of Drita’s life story with Lee. As for Alicia, I find it hard to believe anything she says. But, these two are bonding nicely. A kumbaya moment as I hear another chorus of Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me!

Drita goes to her store and her employee tells her the stalker came in again today. She says he keeps looking around, even behind the counter. Drita is irate. Drita calls Lee to tell him what is going on with this guy scaring her employees. Drita wants him to be scared like she’s scared. Lee tells her to give the girl his number, he can be there in two minutes if the guy comes back. She says she is going to beat him bad and Lee will have to bail her out. I still think it would be better to file a police report than to risk Lee getting into trouble handling this, but what do I know?

What's the f*ckin' beef?

Natalie walks in to the restaurant to meet Renee. Renee wants to clear the air about what Natalie heard Drita and Ang say behind her back. Ang isn’t coming. Natalie is riled up and Renee tries to calm her down. Drita is blindsided by Natalie’s confrontation. Drita readily admits to saying Natalie was probably drunk. Drita says she didn’t bring Natalie up in the conversation, and justifiably asks where are the other two are? Now Drita is riled up. “It’s better to be drunk than be a dick-head.” But they both seem to be the same type…quick to anger and to fight. In this showdown, I have to side with Drita, the leaping leopard. Natalie was beyond drunk when she and Ang met with her the first time and then she falls off the stage? It was a reasonable assumption to make that she was drunk, the girl loves to drink and party. Guess what, says Natalie, Drita may be a tough girl BUT she is from (all together now) SOUTH PHILLY, and she isn’t going to stand for this BS.

Alicia listens to hours and hours of Eddie’s wire taps and she doesn’t like it. The Feds feel, based on the wire taps, that Alicia, the bookkeeper, conspired to “cook the books” with her husband. Alicia’s brother shows up, and she tells him the evidence they have against her is from the wire taps. She needs to listen to five years of conversations so she can put what is on there into context for them and presumably prove her innocence and defend her case. Alicia believes in honesty and respect (like when she lied to the judge or sold knock off designer clothes?). She is upset because she hears him talking to girls, he lied a lot. Alicia hears lie, after lie. after lie. Her brother, who likes Eddie, says, “it’s a guy thing.” Her brother says he would never say anything against Eddie. Alicia is devastated, she thought she was the lucky wife. Okay one more time: poor, poor, pitiful me.

And a "penny" for Ang's thoughts!

Drita and Ang and Renee meet to talk about Natalie. Ang is turnt up! She has plenty to say about Natalie. Drita doesn’t like the way the confrontation lunch went down and tells Ang good thing she didn’t go. They both tell Ang how Natalie didn’t like Drita calling her drunk. Ang makes a face, like someone passed gas, then says she told Natalie she was crazy to her face. Renee wants to know their beef with Natalie. Ang lets Renee have it with both barrels: “I think she is a f*ckin’ trouble maker! Me and her go meet her for lunch, she couldn’t f*ckin’ talk! She didn’t make one bit of sense, she was talking in riddles, she was whacked! She was f*ckin’ mumblin’.” Ang says in the confessional, “I’m already fed up with this girl…she is just a train wreck.” Renee tries to make light of it, saying they could put up with Natalie having a bad day if they could put up with her for three years. Drita counters with she only tolerates that kind of thing from friends, not someone she just met. Renee has to find a way to bring peace between them and says she will talk to Natalie.

At Natalie’s house, in SOUTH Philly, Renee drops by to personally talk to her about paying attention to the “rules,” how things got out of hand between her and the girls and for the sake of Mob Candy.  Renee says Big Ang and Drita told her the whole story about their first meeting with Natalie and the confrontation lunch. Everything Ang said, Renee told Natalie. Natalie says she will do what she wants and “be me,” she doesn’t give a f*ck.”  Renee tells her when she drinks she is rowdy. Renee is the “Boss” and Natalie has to make a better impression on the girls and maybe win their respect. Natalie doesn’t like it, but says she can handle that. Why do I have some serious doubts about that?

Carto Funeral Home

A cozy place for a chat

Natalie and Alicia meet at the Carto funeral home to chat. Nice atmosphere. Plenty of mobsters were laid out there, boasts Natalie. Good to know.  Alicia wants to chat about the other goumada, “Carla,” who used to date her husband Eddie and also works on Mob Candy with Renee. She tells Natalie the two of them remained friendly throughout the marriage, and they went out to dinner a couple of times…it was all on the wire tap! AND, to add insult to injury, Renee was even at dinner with them and never told Alicia. Alicia is sick to her stomach. She was deceived and betrayed. Natalie agrees with Alicia. If she said anything else about it I couldn’t make it out, she talks like she has marbles in her mouth. Renee and Carla are lifetime friends, but Alicia is determined to talk to Renee about this issue. She is devastated…poor, poor pitiful me. I wish I could tell you more, but the dead woman’s blue dress, hanging behind them as they talked, was very distracting to say the least.

Back to Drita’s store and the stalker. Drita needs to do something. Obviously, the cameras she asked Lee to install in season three aren’t working. Michael, the alarm guy, shows up. He wants to put cameras up so the stalker can be ID’d. Drita tells him about a stalker she had years ago. Just then, at that exact moment, the guy shows up at the door  and peers in. Drita opens the door and politely asks him, “Are you the guy who keeps bothering my girls?” She tries to tell him off but, like a Weebles doll, he wobbles off down the street. Meanwhile, Drita, with her lightning speed and menacing talk, stands there like a deer caught in the headlights. Even I could have caught the guy while Michael, the alarm guy, calls 911. But, neither of them did anything. Go figure?

Alicia has a new “beef” this week and it’s with Renee! Alicia needs to confront Renee about what she heard on the wire taps. It’s been eating away at her. She arrives at Renee’s house and doesn’t waste a minute getting down to business. She tells Renee she has been listening to 5 years of wire taps. She says she heard Eddie talking to “the other” Carla on the tape and that Renee was on the tape too. Alicia tells her the whole conversation and how she was 8 months pregnant at the time. Renee admits to going out to dinner with them, but will not say how many times she was invited to join them. Edward is like Renee’s big brother, so why is Alicia so irritated with her? Alicia heard Renee’s name mentioned a lot and wants her to know how many times Eddie was with Carla. Renee isn’t going to “rat” him out. He is one of her dearest friends, who she has known all her life. Alicia is pissed because he lied and deceived her while she was pregnant. Alicia is now mad at Renee. Renee is getting riled up, it’s not her business. Is this the set up for next week’s drama?  The previews for next week are nothing short of explosive.

And a BIG S/O to DonDig and his amazing powers of observation brought to you by