Mob Wives: Recap “Vegas Part One” Ep 404

“Toto, we’re not in Staten Island any more…” Let me preface this recap by saying that this show has the look and feel of being scripted to me. Like Judge Judy always says, if it doesn’t make sense, it’s not true. I feel like I am Dorothy and woke up in Oz! Some of the people look familiar, but what the hell am I doing here? Somebody help me get home. Where is a munchkin, to point you to the yellow brick road, when you need one? Here goes…

Renee relapses, but who is looking out for her? No One.

Renee, AJ and his girlfriend, Andrea are waiting for Renee’s boyfriend, Michael, to show up for dinner so they can meet him. In my opinion it’s way too early in the game to be showing Michael off to anyone, let alone everyone. If I was Michael, I would be acting a little distant just based on that alone. You don’t bring people into your inner circle unless and until you get to know them first. Michael is late and Renee thinks that’s rude. Finally, he arrives and everyone meets. “Michael is so charming he’s alarming,” says a smitten Renee. Renee thinks having some wine is okay because Xanax is her issue. I always thought if you have a substance abuse problem, all substances were off limits? Renee gets annoyed because AJ gets a call from work and takes it. Renee thinks that’s rude. I think cell phones at dinner are rude and yet everyone does it. Michael says he has another dinner meeting after this one, it’s work related. I think that’s rude. Why not postpone this dinner for another night? Renee is annoyed. Renee feels Michael is acting distant because of the scene that happened with Natalie. Renee apologizes for being dramatic and she tells the kids the story of what happened on girls’ night out and the “delicious“ comment. Frankly, I think the “delicious” comment has been played out to death. Renee is pissed because AJ criticizes her in front of Michael. Michael does leave early, he claims it’s business. It seems like he just got there, they didn’t even eat and off he goes. People come and go so quickly in Oz.

Natalie is at dinner with her boyfriend, London. She intends to vent about Renee and the girls and get his advice. They order drinks…of course. Someone should hook Natalie up to an alcohol IV.  She tells him what happened during girls’ night out and how the “delicious” comment got blown out of proportion. She is going on and on about it too. I’m sick of it.  London tries to explain that Renee comes from a different world, but Natalie doesn’t agree. She is annoyed that no one came to her defense. She thinks Drita and Ang should have had her back. Natalie says she apologized a couple of times to Renee. Natalie thinks Renee takes her kindness for weakness, and now she expects an apology from Renee. Good luck getting one Natalie, you must think you are in the Land of Oz too.

Ang and Alicia are at a golf course, of all places, and Renee and Drita join them. They seem to be there to drink and chat, not to play. Is there a shortage of restaurants in Oz? Drita is pissed at Lee. She is fixing up the house and he does nothing. He can’t even hang a picture without making holes in the wall. Drita needs a Handy Man, maybe she can borrow Carla’s? Renee mentions Vegas for a girls’ trip and Ang thinks Vegas is a good way to get away from all the drama. Vegas must be the modern Emerald City! Alicia has to get permission to leave the state, from the wizard…I mean judge. That shouldn’t be too hard, she just has to lie to the judge and say her son needs help setting up his dorm room in West Virginia; and then take a 2,000 mile detour to Vegas. Alicia says she has to invite Natalie. Am I the only one asking why? Renee still feels offended and disrespected. Who the hell is Alicia to take it upon herself to invite Natalie, knowing how Renee feels? Isn’t that taking the drama with you? All of a sudden Drita and Big Ang are on board with this brainstorm? Where is the Drita who thinks Natalie is whacked? Where is the Big Ang who is fed up with Natalie?  Renee is pissed. Natalie embarrassed her in front of the first guy in 24 years who had the balls to go out with her, and Natalie embarrassed her in front of him. Alicia wants to know what Natalie has to do to make it okay. Apparently Renee wants to deal with it as soon as they get to Vegas. What??? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Pack up the argument in a carry on luggage and wait till you get to Vegas to deal with the it. Renee wants to keep her relationship with Natalie strictly business. Hmmm, is that before or after the girls’ Vegas trip? Can you all hear me scream “scripted” at the television?

Drita pops into a hardware store for sandpaper and spackle. Of course, Lee calls her. He wants to know where she is; he wants to know why she needs spackle. Lee has a “need to know" problem.  She says she needs it for the holes in the wall from his hanging pictures. Drita is pissed because he does nothing as far as the renovations go. And here I thought everything was going great? She tells him she needs a vacation and she is going to Vegas with the girls. Lee is giving her a hard time. He doesn’t like the idea and he calls her a f*ckin’ low life. She says, “Whatever.” I say if Lee wants to be on the show, and he is out of prison, then be on the show already. Stop hiding behind the curtain…I mean phone calls. What is he afraid of? We already have his pictures! LEE D'AVANZO PICTURES 

Back in Philly “Fashion is Alicia’s Passion” and she is picking out models with “nice racks.” With her husband in jail, she is the only one she can rely on. (Really Alicia? What about your Boo?) Her business is doing well, but she has to work her ass off to make it grow. And how does she make it grow? With silver bells and cockle shells and knock-offs all in a row. Natalie shows up. She is still bent out of shape about what happened with Renee. Alicia invites her to go with the girls to Vegas. That’s exactly what I would want to do, go on a trip with someone I am having a huge issue with. Natalie said she apologized more than once to Renee and now she is owed an apology. Alicia feels she has to be the peacemaker. I hope she is better at peacemaking than bookkeeping.  Alicia says the “delicious” comment was offensive to the New York wives. It’s important to Alicia to try to get Renee and Natalie together. Why? It’s really none of Alicia’s business. Natalie says Renee has no class based on how she behaved. Does Natalie have class? If she does it must be at the bottom of her shoe because I sure as hell don’t see it. Natalie says she will go to Vegas, but Renee isn’t going to make a jerk out of her. Guess what Natalie, Renee doesn’t have to do a damn thing, you do a fine job of making yourself look bad on national television all on your own.

So worried about Renee and yet, she does nothing!

Renee is picked up by Big Ang, in her limo, to go to the airport for their flight to Vegas. Renee doesn’t look good. She says she is stressed out with Mob Candy and Natalie, and hasn’t slept in days. She feels anxious and she needs a couple of Xanax to calm down. Big Ang, knowing Renee is a recovering addict, doesn’t try to talk her out of the pills or take them from her? Natalie and Alicia talk about how much fun they will have in Vegas. It’s Natalie’s first time…a "Vegas Virgin," She just wants to have a good time. She doesn’t want to deal with Renee; she will tune her out and have her pina coladas. Great idea. Ang is concerned for Renee, who seems out of it. Gee, ya think Ang? She is drinking and popping pills right next to you all day. They get to Vegas and go to their hotel rooms. Ang is shocked by the size of the room, it’s tremendous. Renee is just interested in the booze at the bar. She immediately starts drinking. Ang is still says she is concerned, but does nothing. If it was me I would call Jenn, but Jenn is probably well aware of her sister’s problem, and set up the trip to Vegas, to get it all on video tape. Scripted. Ang says Renee had eight bloody Mary’s on the plane. Eight! Renee drops all the fruit on the table onto the floor. Ang mentions Natalie’s name and Renee throws fruit at Ang. Ang tells her to get over it and feels Renee is “out of control, buggin’, gunnin’ for Natalie.” Ang thinks it’s going to be a battle the whole week. Ang tells Renee to demand respect and move on from there. It’s obvious to me that Renee needs help and all I can wonder is, is the show and its filming so important they are literally going to let Renee drown before intervening? I don’t get it.

Drita loves the room, she can’t get over it! If Lee was there with her she would get pregnant and be happy about it! Ang fills Drita in on Renee’s drinking binge and says she is worried. But apparently she isn’t worried enough to insist she get some help. Ang thinks Drita will help her. Now Drita and Ang think Vegas wasn’t a good place to take Renee. Gee, ya think? No one thought it was a good idea except Alicia, and then everyone jumped on the bandwagon. Drita is concerned about what is going to happen when Natalie shows up. Ang says it won’t be good. And these two had to get to Vegas to realize this no brainer? The scarecrow isn't the only one missing a brain! Ang, Renee and Drita are ready for dinner, the three of them go down to meet up with Alicia and Natalie in the casino. The Philly girls are in the “maid's quarters,” says an ungrateful Alicia. They are all in the casino playing roulette and black jack. Renee is out of it. She is drunk and giving Natalie dirty looks. Alicia has never seen Renee like this, slurring her words, and adds she’s a hot mess. Drita says something must have set Renee off and there is nothing anyone can do; she needs to sleep; she is completely out of it. Renee goes up to bed. The Wicked Witch says, “Poppies will make her sleep.” Everyone is happy about that.

The other four continue to gamble and Drita is putting up hundreds of dollars, $500 a hand. Ang says Drita is a degenerate. Drita gets a 12 at blackjack and keeps losing piles of money! She says she lost half her money already. Drita says she should leave and call Lee. Then she decides to gamble the rest if her money and try to win it all back. She loses it all. All $2,000 of it. Ok so she is betting like crazy, $500 a hand, and only loses $2,000. Maybe she is studying Bookkeeping 101 with Alicia? I would have thought we were talking a lot more money! They go back to the room, it’s 5 am, and Renee is sleeping…or so they think. Ang throws her jacket and they are all slap happy and drunk. They all wind up in the spinning bed, and then get up and see Renee sitting by the pool from the window of their room. They freak out and go downstairs to talk to her. She tells them to go away, now. Drita says she has never seen Renee this bad. Alicia says she is very worried. Renee has a flashback to the “delicious” comment, she isn’t in her right frame of mind. Natalie is feeling creeped out. Ang says Renee is going off the deep end. Really? Well, I am also going off the deep end. Can I just click my freakin’ heels together and go back to the old Mob Wives in season 3? Please?

I guess we will see what "Vegas, Part 2" brings...I am in no rush to get to the end of this rainbow!

Meanwhile I am leaving you all a penny for your thoughts on episode 4.

P.S. I am going to have to say, I thought Carla Facciolo took the cake for lying, but she is an amateur compared to Alicia!