Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S5E1?

Welcome to "Ramona Singer's World" Plus Pinot

I took this new, fifth season of Real Housewives of New York upon myself for the sole purpose of making fun of the petty drama. I have the say, this torturous, 90 minute premiere was worse than I could have possibly imagined and thirty minutes into it I regretted saying I would watch and blog it. First of all, they should rename the show “Ramona Singer’s World” because either she is talking or being talked about. She has to be way up on the list of rude and obnoxious people ever born. Her husband is not far from it. What the hell is Andy Cohen thinking keeping her on the show and getting rid of Jill?

The show gets off to a boorish start when Ramona arrives at Sonja’s party with TWO bottles of pinot, one for herself and one for the party! I think she drank one before she arrived. Mario, probably the only man that could stand Ramona full time, insults LuAnn immediately by congratulating her on her “ring” which he assumes to be an engagement ring and then, when corrected, proceeds to say, that’s what they are all waiting for…like it’s his business.

The three new wives, Heather, Aviva and Carole (even though I had a hard time finding Carole) were sane, rational and polite so far. Apparently, although they were selected to be on the show, they didn’t bother to go back and watch past episodes to see who they were dealing with; that’s how it appeared to me. Ramona was on her worst behavior last night. She even made LuAnn and Sonja look good. Ugh! Even LuAnn! What the hell?

Ramona cannot admit being wrong, what else is new?

Luckily for me, I happened to be watching last season when Ramona made some terrible remarks about LuAnn’s parenting, saying she was only a weekend parent and that Ramona herself, spent a lot of time with her own daughter which is why she turned out so well. Poor kid. LuAnn took offense to that, as any mother would, because Ramona clearly implied that LuAnn’s daughter was not raised properly and therefore was not as “good” as her daughter. LuAnn decides to confront Ramona about this at Sonja’s party, but Ramona makes a run for it. She complains about chest pain and then makes fun of LuAnn, as she tells Mario how she was scolded and told to say she was sorry. Then we later see an art exhibit for Victoria, LuAnn’s daughter. Even though it takes place in the garage, the girl has real artistic talent and that fact makes Ramona look like an ass on two counts. One because she has the audacity to attack the child of a cast member and two because Victoria obviously has a gift and is off to a great start for someone so young. It left me thinking, what the hell is Ramona talking about?

In another scene, Ramona supposedly called LuAnn and tries to blackmail her over something that happened at her son’s 15th birthday party. Seriously? A fit-to-be-tied Luann was rattling off the details of the phone call to the new wives, before running off to settle the score with Ramona. Ramona must be talking out of her pinot filled ass again, that’s all I can figure. She has managed to alienate all three new women by bringing up Luann’s kids, not once, but twice.

If there was an award for lack of sensitivity and compassion it would surely go to Ramona. The three new wives all have dealt with some tragic life issues. We learn that Aviva lost her leg in a farm accident with a piece of equipment; Carole lost her husband to cancer; and Heather’s son needed a liver transplant when he was six months old. Even though her son is six years old, the trauma of the ordeal clearly remains with Heather as she finds every opportunity to tell the story over and over, and one of those moments is with Ramona. More proof she hadn’t watched previous season episodes! Ramona begins to play the game “can you top this” and follows Heather’s story with her own story, that no one freaking cares about, how Avery was born with the umbilical cord around her neck. 

The things I could have really done without include: Heather’s show and tell session regarding her fake legs, one is tan, one is flat and one for heels, after that I lost count. All the talk about “Harry,” Sonja’s ex who is also Aviva’s ex, and Ramona’s ironic audacity in giving Carole an etiquette lesson on how to “listen” when someone else is speaking, particularly Mario! What the hell does Mario have to say that anyone wants to hear? Come to think of it, what does Ramona have to say that we wouldn’t trade for a glass of pinot?

The three new wives discussing Ramona, the boor!

The fact is that Ramona has alienated everyone with her boorish, obnoxiously rude behavior. She insults LuAnn and her children, she attacks and embarrasses Sonja across the dinner table because she referred to Harry as her husband and not her “ex,” and totally alienates the three new women in one scene or another. Way to get season five off to a great start! NOT!

I didn’t get many laughs out of this at all. I assume that all the women will soon have enough of Ramona’s big mouth and then they will give her a piece of their minds, which believe me, she can use all the pieces she can get. Her original brain cells seem to have disintegrated from her continued drinking of her pinot. Maybe she thinks she is preserving them in alcohol? 

I am not promising I will continue watching, I may or I may not. If someone can tell me, ahead of time, that Ramona is going to get ganged up on by the others, I will tune in. So much for this premiere. 

Can Mob Wives Chicago come fast enough for me? No. Now let us pray that Mob Mistress has a Mob Wives Blog sitting in the wings, shall we?