Real Housewives Of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E17

"Boo hoo. Heather is so mean 

and bossy and won't own it!"

“Bury The Hatchet” is the title of this episode, as Heather and Kristen continue to “fight” in Montana . . . but in whose back?

So we are stuck in Montana for another episode. Kristen is still pissed with Heather’s lack of cooperation and enthusiasm. Ramona is drowning her sorrows over being stuck in Montana with beer and snacks that she prepared for all the girls. LuAnn is dying for a cold beer too. But, in typical housewives drama, Kristen is off sulking by herself and whining. Carole goes to look for Kristen and check on her. Kristen is crying, boo hoo, boo hoo.  Heather tells the others that Kristen called her drunk, and Ramona, who has had a had a head start drinking, winds up on the floor laughing like a hyena. Carole counsels Kristen and tries to make her feel better, telling her not to take it personally. Kristen is happy with Carole’s advice. And why wouldn’t she be happy? Heather and Kristen have been friends for years. Are we really supposed to think they had this huge falling out for real, or is this “fight” a little something the producers concocted for our benefit? No wonder ratings are suffering.

LuAnn, Kristen and Heather are going “glamping” (glamorous camping). Ramona goes to get Sonja and finds her in bed, as usual, and not packed. Sonja says she can’t go, she says to tell the others she has asthma. Ramona doesn’t want to get Kristen pissed off. Sonja gets moving. Finally they all get to the pavillion in the woods. LuAnn wants glassware with stems. Two young guys are there to make sure they are comfortable. Heather corners Kristen and they start discussing the incident. As it gets heated, Kristen walks away to find her bedroom. They are all checking on the sleeping accommodations and decide who sleeps where. Ramona only cares about what kind of wine they have there. She needs wine to make things smoother for the group, or so she says. Ramona tells Kristin that she doesn’t take care of her guests and that she has been doing all the work and acting like the hostess. LuAnn isn’t happy with Ramona’s attitude and making Kristin feeling like crap. Heather shows up and she seems tipsy. They chat about who is bossy and who isn’t. Kristen then asks Heather if she is bossy and controlling with Carole?

"Okay, you got me. 

I am now and forever the Boss B*tch!"

And then Heather stand up and says I am now and forever “Boss B*tch!” Kristen keeps yelling that Heather is bossy and she should own it. She even tells her that she bosses her husband around. Heather gets offended and puts a stop to it. Carole says it’s insulting to judge someone else’s marriage. Carole says Kristen was getting herself in hot water at dinner. Ramona is starting to feel bad for Kristen and she takes Kristen off to the side to calm her down. Kristen is shocked to see Ramona on her side. Ramona also thinks Heather’s husband hides behind her, like he is afraid of his shadow. Too bad Heather didn’t hear that! Talk about throwing fuel on the fire!

It’s a new day! Everyone wakes up. Heather seems to have a hangover and says Kristen is mean and out of line. Meanwhile Kristen phones her husband outside the cabin and tells him what is going on. She tells him she told Heather she is bossy. Josh doesn’t think it’s a flaw, it’s just who she is. Carole says she is bossy on the inside and she jokes about bossing Heather around. Ramona and Sonja are in their bedroom trying to get ready for the rodeo. Big discussion on what jeans to wear. Such a dilemma! They finally all meet up and get in the car to head to the rodeo. There are 2 cars, so the groups are divided so that Heather and Kristen can each complain about the other. When they get there they find themselves all overdressed compared to the crowd. They find the roping of the calves exciting for some reason. They go to the port-a-potty and there is no toilet paper! Like a Seinfeld episode, “not a square to spare.” Kristen and Heather are stuck on a complaining broken record. Carole tells Kristen to apologize for talking about Heather’s marriage. Kristen doesn’t think she is at fault for speaking the truth and she feels she should get an apology. Back at the cabins, everyone freaks out, they think there is a bear in the woods. Turns out it’s a prank, it’s just Carole in a fur coat that she got on eBay for $600. Thank God someone has a sense of humor. I wish I had $600 to throw away on a prank.

The Tall Cowboy!

Last night at the ranch and Kristen has arranged a nice dinner. Kristen is upset over her fight with Heather. She doesn’t want to lose her as a friend. Kristen thinks they will chat at dinner and get over it. They pile into an open wagon and head off to their final dinner. It reminds me of Little House On The Prairie. There is a very, very tall cowboy to meet them at their destination. They are all amazed like they never saw a very tall man before. How fake is that? Kristen managed to invite a bunch of cowboys to their dinner to liven things up. This is right up Sonja’s alley. She immediately digs her boot heels in and rounds them all up for herself. I was waiting for her to hog tie them so they couldn’t get away. The rest of them throw hatchets at a target and Heather hits the bullseye. Everyone loves throwing sharp objects. The dinner is an outdoor BBQ. There is tension at the table and Ramona is acting as mediator, tells Kristen and Heather to talk and resolve their issues. Kristen gets up and asks Heather if she would like to go down to the river. Heather says she is scared. Kristen says she had a rough day to excuse her behavior. Heather says she shouldn’t have brought up her marriage. Kristen says she took it the wrong way. Heather tells her she is dramatic and she should be apologizing. Heather asks Kristen how does she think Jon would feel if he knew she said, at a table full of women, that she controls him. Kristen says she thinks he would agree. Wow. Then Kristen sort of apologizes. Heather accepts it and they patch it all up and hug. Kristen thinks they all had a pretty good time after all is said and done. They enjoy their last dinner. And they all live happily ever after . . . NOT!

Heather and Kristen sing "Kumbaya"

Now to go home and fill Aviva in on everything. I hope no one complains that Aviva didn’t go with them. Fake asthma or real asthma, I think she did the smartest thing not to go.

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E16

"Round in Circles" 

My Title of this episode

“Go Tell It On The Mountain” is the title of this week’s trip. Do we really need to tell these women where to go tell it? They live to spill their guts to each other, to the media, on Twitter . . . And everywhere else. Aviva has asthma and is medically forbidden to go on another trip. No planes and no horses for her.

Sonja complains to Carole that the girls cancelled their dinner reservations and they are stuck in the cabin. Henry shows up. He is a young ranch hand and Sonja checks out his ass and then mentions she has no underwear on. Someone needs to send Sonja for counseling. She is always preying on young men. Ramona is running amok complaining that there is no air conditioning in the cabin. Without AC Ramona will self-combust from menopause. Ramona has never gone fly fishing and is going to try it. Her enthusiasm is underwhelming. At the other cabin Kristen, LuAnn  and Heather are getting ready to go fly fishing with their bandanas. All the women are in the cold water when Sonja blurts out that any leftover eggs she may have left are now frozen. Heather caught a fish, but he got away three times. They start arguing whether they should have dinner with the chef the ranch hired or at a restaurant. You know damn well they will be eating with the chef. Ramona complains about the service and how Kristen is a bad hostess and didn’t make sure everyone had everything they need. Ramona wouldn’t be happy if she was eating at the Taj Mahal, had a Prince wait hand and foot on her and fill his swimming pool with Pinot.

The chef is preparing a great meal and all the ladies sit at the table. LuAnn says “Sonja seems to have a stick up her ass . . . Correction, it’s the whole tree.” LuAnn confronts Sonja about what the facialist said about her. Lu is still offended. Kristen keeps saying it was funny. Ramona says that Aviva made the asthma happen because she didn’t want to be away from Reid. Carole says she has Munchausen Syndrome, she creates illnesses for attention. Ramona wants to call Aviva. LuAnn is so fed up and angry with Sonja for not throwing her facialist out of her apartment for dissing her friends. Sonja yells it wasn’t what she said, she was just repeating what the community is saying about LuAnn. Sonja calls LuAnn a pig. Heather is offended and Carole gets a headache. Ramona and Kristen walk away with LuAnn to calm her down. Kristen is on Sonja’s side, she thinks the whole affair was funny.  So they never even get to eat! Can I have that chef prepared meal to go?

Somehow Sonja, Ramona and Heather wind up at an outdoor spa, under tents, for massages; while Carole, LuAnn and Kristen take a hike. LuAnn drones on about Sonja not having her back and not understanding how she feels. Kristen tries to make excuses for Sonja that maybe all her problems are causing her embarrassment and she is pushing her friends away. Carole thinks LuAnn is more sensitive than she appears and Sonja should know that.

They get together to discuss what they are going to do in Montana. Kristen, Heather, and LuAnn are going rapelling . . . Jumping down a cliff. They have a guide/instructor. Heather isn’t too enthused. Kristen seems to want to show off and goes first, but she is clearly nervous and freaking out because Heather keeps talking. The other three are going skeet shooting. First they apply sunscreen. Then they flirt with their hot cowboy, Paul. Now the shooting begins. Carole is worried about hitting a cow. She should be worried about Ramona or Sonja shooting her. Meanwhile Kristen is screaming down the mountain. Heather summed up Kristen’s intention beautifully, she wanted to prove something to Heather, that she could do this. Maybe Bravo Andy gave her a bonus? LuAnn goes down the mountain without half the screaming Kristen did. LuAnn deserves a huge bonus! Heather just scoots down the mountain like Spiderman.

Now they all pee in the woods and luckily have toilet paper and squares to spare.

All six ladies meet up with cowboy, Paul. They decide to go “geocaching.” Ramona starts complaining she doesn’t want to do it and doesn’t even know what it’s called. They have to go on a trail and use a compass to find the “treasures.” Carole brought trinkets to leave behind for others to find, while Ramona is constantly complaining about the game and the whole trip. Kristen really wants to find something and is using her compass to go round in circles. Heather didn’t want to do it and she just checked out of the activity, which pissed off Kristen. Heather has joined Sonja and Ramona, maybe she is more than a little tipsy too. Kristen grabs Heather and that’s when Heather realizes Kristen doesn’t think she is being funny. They are all walking in circles and making me dizzy. Heather and Kristen are getting on each other’s nerves. Kristen says Heather is bossy. Heather says she is honest, she doesn’t feel like looking for a trinket that no one cares about. Heather says she has done everything asked of her. Kristen gets pissed and walks off.

Next week another week in Montana…somebody shoot me.

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E15

"I have a doctor's note, an inhaler and prescriptions here 

and you still don't believe me?"

“Ten Gallon Spats,” how clever is that for a title? NOT! I have to wonder if there will be another season of RHONY after watching this episode. Not only has nothing significant happened all season, with the possible exception of Book-Gate, but the cast is acting like a bunch of five year olds fighting at a playground. Let's retitle this "Five Year Old Squabbles."

Kristen talks the girls into going to an upscale dude ranch in Montana for Labor Day weekend, like they haven‘t had enough vacations. Carole says she called Russ about the rumor of his sleeping with Sonja. He says he loves her and he would never disrespect her like that. Ramona thinks this trip is “b o r i n g. It’s going to make the Berkshires look like a major city.” Aviva has moderate to severe asthma and she can’t fly because of the altitude and she is also allergic to horses, according to her doctor. Did he really test her for horse allergies out of the blue? Because last time I looked around NYC there weren’t many horses around. Anyway, long story short, she will be absent from this trip too. It’s really too bad because Aviva was looking forward to the trip and she doesn’t know what this medical condition is all about. She will be tested again in a couple of days. Guess what?  She still can’t go. Surprise, surprise.

Sonja has a cheap idea for a face lift, tape and string, to pull her face up. She says she would have not chosen Montana for a getaway, but she will make the best of it. Her intern sorts through her underwear to find the right ones for Montana. You have to set the mood with the lingerie, it’s the foundation, says Sonja, who likes to go commando.

Ramona and Kristen go shopping for riding boots. They also need chaps. Kristen is a size 10 and she wants the salesman to surprise her with a pair of boots. Ramona tells Kristen that Aviva has asthma. Kristen never heard that Aviva suffers from asthma before. She thinks Aviva is lying about having asthma so she can get out of going to Montana. Kristen calls Aviva out on the asthma. Aviva pulls out all her prescriptions and inhalers and says these must be fake then. The doctor told Aviva there is no question that the flight and animals will make it worse. Kristen wonders out loud that suddenly all Aviva’s phobias went away, so where did the asthma come from? Aviva, totally prepared for confrontation, whips out a doctor’s letter. Seriously, why does a grown woman bring a doctor’s letter to her “friends”?  Maybe Aviva is tired of being called a liar. Kristen says she doesn’t believe Aviva and she doesn’t know why, even with the letter. Kristen says Aviva’s health was perfect until she was invited to Montana! This really angers Aviva. Ramona watches the whole argument. Aviva wants Kristen to show some compassion. Aviva thinks Kristen is being very rude. Kristen says she can never go on any trip she always has an excuse. Here is the five year old version: “I’m sick.” “No you’re not.” Yes, I am.” “You are not!” “Am so!” You just don’t want to come with us!” “I do want to come, but I can’t” “No you don’t. You’re not sick, you don’t want to come.” “I do so, see my inhaler?” “Big deal, anyone can have an inhaler.” Etc, etc, etc

Holla Heather and Carole are excited about the trip to Montana. Heather is a tomboy. Carole likes adventures way more than cocktail parties. Carole thinks Aviva is allergic to fun. Heather thinks she exaggerates her small ailments not to have to go anywhere. If that’s how they feel shouldn’t they be glad Aviva is not going? I’m confused.

"I really wanted to go, but I just can't"

Aviva laments to Reid that she really wanted to go on this trip but now she has asthma. She really wanted to put the asthma aside and go on the trip. Reid says she can’t go, it’s out of the question, it would be irresponsible. Aviva agrees. Trip is out.

They take an open wagon to the cabins

Montana! Carole, Heather, LuAnn, Ramona, Sonja and Kristen get their luggage at the airport. They realize how few people are there, it’s just them and the mountains. Sonja calls it a ghost-town. There is a wheelchair waiting for Aviva. Then they all joke about Aviva having a wheelchair waiting for her at the airport. Heather finds is suspicious that Aviva isn’t going on any of the trips. They are in the middle of nowhere and they see the ranch. Kristen is wearing high heels, wrong shoes for a trip like this, but once a model, always a model. First the ranch receptionist hands them some huckleberry juice in a jar to welcome them. Then they get on an open wagon, like Little House on the Prairie, to go to their lodges. The Antler’s Cabin is for Kristen, LuAnn and Heather. The Beaver’s Cabin Sonja, Ramona and Carole (who graciously volunteered to stay with the drunken duo). They seem pleased with the accommodations.

Kristen tells them they are going to herd cattle, that’s the #1 thing to do in Montana. They all get on horses. There are cows everywhere. Ramona is disgusted because her horse is eating and she demands a new horse. She trades horses with LuAnn. They are actually pretty good at rounding up the cattle. They all had fun.

"I'm not your friend any more! Bye!"

The ladies are going out for the evening to the Ranch House Restaurant. There are horses and cattle outside the building. Ramona smells horse shit, she can’t eat. LuAnn asks Sonja to tell the stories the facialist recently told her and Kristen. Carole says the woman gossiped about Sonja and Russ having a fling. Carole says since Sonja didn’t deny it, she had to call Russ who denied it. Then there was the story she told of LuAnn dominating men. LuAnn is furious that Sonja didn’t throw the facialist out of her house for talking about her friends. They keep rehashing that bit of gossip, proving they all sure know how to beat a dead horse. LuAnn goes on and on about Sonja not firing her facialist over this gossip. Sonja says gossip been going on for centuries, gossip and hairdressers go together. LuAnn doesn’t think it’s funny. She is upset for Sonja for not getting that she is upset over this. Here’s the five year old version: “Your friend said something mean about me.” “No she didn’t.” “Yes, she did.” “No she didn’t, she was just joking.” “No she wasn’t.” “Yes she was.” “I’m mad at you!” “Why? I didn’t say anything.” “Yes you did.” “No I didn’t” “I’m not going to be your friend any more if you’re friends with her.” “I’m going commando!”

Can this show really be renewed for another season? What do you think?

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E14

Heather is sharing Aviva's sex text with the girls!

“Sex, Lies and Facials” sounds like an interesting title . . . Let’s see if it is!

We start at LuAnn’s rental in Saratoga. Sonja is leaving in Lu’s limo. Sonja is ranting to the limo driver who takes her bags and puts them in the car. Carole thinks Sonja is pissed because they won all the money at the track and she didn‘t. Sonja is wandering around outside and comes back when she realizes no one is coming out after her and frankly she is drunk. She goes on and on about being ditched and she will not listen to Heather’s version of the events, otherwise known as the truth. Sonja starts eating cheese and farting around the kitchen .. . Everyone leaves . . . Way to clear a room out.

Carolina Street. Music, dancing and drinking. Sonja is “tripolar” according to Carole. Sonja is acting the cougar, going up to guys and kissing them while guzzling more booze. Shouldn’t we have an intervention for Sonja already? It takes a village to keep and eye on Sonja!

Next stop West 41st Street in Manhattan. Ramona and Avery are in the city. Ramona arranged for a driving instructor to give Avery a lesson there to be sure she knows how to drive everywhere. Avery parallel parks without a problem and Ramona is blown away. Then she tries it again and smacks the car behind her! Avery, Ramona and the instructor find funny. I am still trying to figure out why? I hope it was Ramona’s car.

Back to LuAnn and her charity event for breast cancer. The event is going to raise money by selling dresses. Kristen is modeling the dresses. Aviva drops by and Ramona looks surprised. Aviva was very shocked to see Miss USA there. Apparently George told Aviva that he and his girlfriend spent the night together with Miss USA.  WHAT???

Miss USA getting third degree by the Ramona Gossip Police

Aviva is seated next to Ramona for some brilliant reason. Maybe this is LuAnn’s idea of humor? LuAnn introduces her co-host from Hollywood Life. Heather gets a hilarious text from Aviva and starts laughing during a serious speech being made. Then Ramona and the others girls read the text and all start laughing. LuAnn is not pleased at their rude behavior. LuAnn introduces the “long dress” for bidding, and out comes a mystery guest wearing it. Carole and Aviva start bidding and it turns in to a competition. Carole says it’s win-win, Aviva overpays for the dress and can’t return it and the charity made more money. The mystery guest is an old RHONY, Kelly Bensimon. Sonja is starving. Aviva tells a story about Miss USA that George told her, which is hard to believe. Aviva makes George swear on her good leg that it’s the truth and says he is not a liar. Seriously, George is not a liar? Oh well. LuAnn is upset with Aviva for bringing up the Miss USA story. Carole, who doesn’t get sucked into any drama, is enjoying Kelly, it’s a nice change of pace. LuAnn is disappointed at Aviva’s behavior, it was shocking. Ramona, who has no class or tact, approaches Miss USA and drills her about her stay at Aviva’s. She interrogates her about what time she came, when she left and everything in between. Ramona tells her George is saying she stayed over his house. She laughs and denies it and thinks it’s funny. I think Miss USA wanted some television air time and went along with Bravo producers, to create yet another fabricated and totally unbelievable story, to get it.

Sonja is bragging to her intern about her sexcapades. She calls it a victory lap, some might call it the walk of shame. I call it sleazy and disgusting. It’s one thing to sleep around and another to brag about it constantly. Kristen comes over for a facial and Sonja says she is calling the guy from last night back after she leaves. The person giving the facials says LuAnn likes short French guys with fake French accents and she does whatever she wants. She likes to be in charge in bed, that’s why she likes short men. Sonja and Kristen find this hilarious. Sonja says that Russ, Carole’s ex, slept with her at St. Barth’s. Please! No one is going to believe Russ slept with Sonja. He was devoted to Carole at the time and barely had enough time to spend with her. Sonja is really making me sick.

LuAnn and Carole chat. LuAnn thinks Aviva invited Miss USA to the charity event, no one else knew her. Carole thinks Aviva creates all that sex talk to make herself more interesting. Kristen meets up with them. She tells them about her facial at Sonja’s. She fills them in on what the woman said. LuAnn laughs. All her men were tall, there was nothing small about Jacques. The woman said LuAnn cheated on Jacques and that makes LuAnn mad. Then Kristen tells them that Russ slept with Sonja while he was still with Carole. Carole says Sonja has an insatiable need for attention and doesn’t believe it. This show has slipped so far from “reality” it’s not funny.

Are you calling me a liar?

Am I my father's keeper?

It's a free country, I can text about my dad's sexcapades!

Who are you to talk? Your daughter makes art about sex!

Poor LuAnn doesn't have a prayer for a rational conversation.

Aviva is decorating her house with art and has invited the girls over to see some of the art. She wants her apartment to feature emerging artists, and that includes Lu’s daughter, Victoria. Kristen doesn’t get the point of this get together. Neither do I Kristen, but soon we will see what the producers have in mind. Aviva says she wants them all to discuss the artwork. Kristen is still confused and so am I. Ramona isn’t happy to be at Aviva’s, their history stinks and then add her experiences with George to top it off. So why does Ramona keep showing up? Kristen says the art is interesting, but there is no Elvis art so she can’t get into it. LuAnn is done with Aviva, she says she 100% crossed the line. Sonja is also there, probably to drink at the bar and snag a man. Aviva thinks all the girls are getting along and there is going to be no drama. Aviva must believe in fairy tales too. LuAnn is dying to see Victoria’s piece. Now, Lu takes the opportunity to talk to Aviva and asks her if she invited Miss USA to her event. Aviva says no. Lu doesn't believe her. Aviva says she is not a liar. Lu says she wouldn’t have thought of it except for Aviva's text message saying her father had a threesome with Miss USA. Aviva swears she did not invite that woman to her event. It makes no sense. Aviva gets her dander up because she doesn’t want to be called a liar. Aviva claims she was shocked when Miss USA walked in. Lu says she should be disgusted by her father’s actions, it’s gross. Aviva says she isn’t responsible for her father. Oh no . . . Aviva says LuAnn’s daughter is making art about sex. LuAnn is losing her patience and her mind trying to talk to Aviva. This conversation ends badly. Heather and LuAnn agree Aviva is a liar. Aviva said it was ok to share the text, and Heather did ask first. Then Aviva told everyone to check their text. It is a little sick that Aviva texts about her father’s threesomes anyway, don’t you think? She should stay totally out of his "affairs" and, at the very least, not broadcast them.

Now for a recap, let's get this all straight okay?

It's about the fact I didn't use a ghostwriter!

It's about calling me a liar!

It's about Carole insulting my writing!

It's about my NOT inviting Miss USA to your event!

It's about my giving Heather permission to share my sex text

about my Dad's menage a trois with everyone!

It's about the fact I am not my father's keeper, I just humor him.
It's about the sex in Victoria's art!

Get the f*ck off my back, B*tch!

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives Of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E13

Sonja should have added her $2 to the pot

“Win, Place or Sonja” is the title of this trip to Saratoga Racetrack for more drama and horsing around. Why are we there? LuAnn decided it was a great idea for a girl’s trip and Lord knows, we have to have a girl’s trip every three weeks. The Bravo formula.

Aviva and Sonja check out Cody’s new ring. Cody, 24, owns a nail salon and is independent. Cody says George has a high sex drive and she enjoys him more than any other man she has known. George uses “equipment.” Sonja is intrigued because Cody says, “George knows a woman.” George doesn’t want her to have children until she is 35. Cody says she is doing well financially and is with George for George. Do you think George left her a little something in his will?

Kristen is looking for a hat for the Saratoga racetrack. LuAnn invited some of the girls to go to Saratoga with her. Kristen is excited to go. In pops Sonja, and Kristen plants a hat on her head. Sonja grew up 45 minutes from Saratoga so she feels like she is going back home. LuAnn arrives all hugs and smiles and starts trying on hats too. This must be the season of hats? Sonja says, “LuAnn has a head the size of a pumpkin, let’s face it.” Does size matter when it comes to heads?

Aviva and her husband arrive at the Museum of Sex. She thinks it’s the obvious choice for her father’s engagement party. If that doesn’t encourage his bad behavior, what will?  Mario and Ramona are in the gift shop and Mario is “whipping” Ramona into shape. Carole is there too, even though she and Aviva are not really on good terms. Ramona says she has to tolerate George even though he is strange. George and Cody, the lovely couple, walk through the door. Ramona is immediately creeped out. George introduces himself to Kristen, who has already heard how everyone has been molested by George. Then she realizes George has a hand on her breast. I guess it takes Kristen a while to catch on? Ramona tells Cody to get her ring appraised and insured right away, and she approves of George’s fiancée. But Ramona can’t leave it at that. She wants to know what is the attraction. Cody says it’s the intellect and sex. Even though Sonja expressly warned Ramona not to bring up the parents, Ramona can’t help herself. Within the first two minutes of meeting her, Ramona brings up Cody’s parents who just died, and made her cry. Aviva tells her father that Ramona said something to Cody like she has no parents. George gets outraged. Aviva tries to calm him down. As usual Ramona flees the scene like a hit and run driver. Cody is offended by Ramona’s questions and comments. Kristen thinks it was typical and rude of Ramona. Aviva makes a speech and gets emotional when she brings up her mother. Aviva is keeping an open mind about the engagement to support her father.

Sonja and Lu are going for a bike ride and picnic to reconnect. Sonja sounds constipated as she grunts and groans going up hill. Sonja’s bike falls over, but the bottle of wine doesn’t break! LuAnn asks about the engagement party and George. She tells her Cody is 24 and he is in his eighties. Everything was fine until Ramona got there asking Cody questions after Sonja told her not to ask her about her parents. LuAnn tells Sonja she value her friendship with Ramona more than her friendship with her. Sonja kind of disagrees. Saratoga comes up  and we learn there will be No Ramona and No Aviva at Saratoga! Great.

LuAnn’s rental in Saratoga. LuAnn loves to go to the races, wear dresses and hats and enjoy the nightlife. LuAnn, Sonja, Carole, Kristen, and Heather are all dressed in dresses and hats. It’s 10 am and Sonja is already drinking hard liquor! Go figure.

Now I'm racist?

Ramona pops in on Aviva with some flowers, to apologize for making Cody cry. Ramona tells Aviva that Cody is vulnerable right now. A young girl with no parents. So she thinks maybe Cody is prey to an older man. Aviva says she asked her every question in the book and Cody is very happy. Just then George pops in for a visit. Wouldn’t you know it? Ramona isn’t pleased. George brings up Ramona’s charity event from last season. He says he screwed up and apologizes. So Ramona apologizes for making Cody cry. Ramona advises him if he really loves Cody he should let her go and find a man closer to her age. Ramona calls George lecherous and Aviva doesn’t think that was nice. I hate to agree with Ramona, but George is certainly lecherous (expressing lewdness and lust in a distasteful way) and he is even more offensive. George implies Ramona is a racist and made Cody feel like a turd. Ramona says the girl is 55 years younger than him. Ramona adds if her parents were alive they would do anything to get Cody away from George. Aviva says Cody wants to freeze George’s sperm to use one day. George gets very vulgar with Ramona, so much so I can’t make out what he is even saying and neither can Aviva.  Ramona leaves. Maybe lecherous was putting it mildly?

Sonja's drunken rant!

Saratoga Springs! Sonja loves it. They chat with the jockey who won last year’s Kentucky Derby. Sonja flirts with the man who is half her size. Carole, who finds a silver lining in everything, says “the shorter the guy the longer his penis seems.” Good to know. The ladies are discussing the racing form and betting on horses, but Kristen is totally lost. Now they want to box a bet so if the horses come out in any order they still win. Heather thinks Sonja is a know it all. They act like they have to pool their money and bet all together when they can make their own bets. LuAnn laughs at Sonja’s two dollar bet. Sonja is sure they will be sorry when they lose. Then the race begins and horses 2-5-7 cross the finish line! Lots of screaming for those horses. Kristen is beside herself because they won. Sonja didn’t bet with them and they hit the jackpot. It’s a $3,340 win! Out comes the champagne! Sonja walks off by herself while they divide the loot. They text her, no response. Sonja went and found a man to talk to. What else is new? They leave her there and go back to the rental. They get dressed to go out and celebrate their winnings. Sonja comes back crying that they always ditch her. LuAnn tells her lets go downstairs and have some fun. Sonja is going on and on about how they left her. Sonja is clearly drunk. Heather is trying to reason with her and Kristen goes to rescue Heather. Kristen tries talking to Sonja, she is worried. Heather feels they texted Sonja and she didn’t answer, so it’s on her. Sonja is now taking it out her issues on Kristen and gets up in her face. Kristen can’t get through to Sonja and Sonja tells her to go f*ck herself, nice. I think Sonja is a sore loser, period. Sonja talks to herself in the mirror, finally someone she agrees with.  Then Sonja comes downstairs with her luggage to go to the airport. ta ta.

Now I am off to read Carole's blog, the best in the bunch!

Picture Credit: Bravo

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E12

Ramona has earned a dozen nicknames for her behavior!

“Requiem For A Poodle” is the title of episode 12, probably most of the drama will be about the memorial for Sonja’s dog, Milou. Let’s see . . .

LuAnn and Heather are shopping for bathing suits and in comes Kristen. LuAnn can’t wait for the gossip! She wants to know what happened with Kristen’s meeting with Ramona. Kristen tells them she brought her flowers. Ramona said she didn’t reach out to her all week because she wanted to see her in person to apologize. Kristen asks if Ramona ever threw a glass at anyone’s face before. LuAnn doesn’t remember her ever doing that. Did you notice how no one is mentioning it was a plastic glass?  Did you notice how, when they replayed the scene last week, they added a breaking “glass” noise to it? I don’t like Ramona, but I don’t like being made a fool of even more! They talk about all Ramona’s nicknames for all her deviant sides (Singer Stinger, Pinot Polar, Ramona-monster, Ramona-coaster, and Crazy Eyes) and laugh. Then Kristen says Ramona abruptly had to leave their meeting for the Hamptons as usual, and always uses the excuse “my daughter this and my daughter that,” when she doesn’t like how the conversation is going. LuAnn nods and says Ramona always runs for the Hamptons whenever there is a sign of trouble.

Oh goodie, a dog funeral! Let's buy hats!

Sonja calls and wants to have a memorial for her dog’s ashes she is sick of them being on the fireplace. LuAnn, Heather and Kristen are all going to the service. They decide to use it as an excuse to buy new hats. Kristen isn’t interested in the services, but it’s a good excuse to go to a nice house and hang out with the girls. That’s what happens when you’re a full-time mom, you look for any excuse to get out of the house. Sonja rounds up all her interns, they all loved Milou as much as she did. You think so? It can’t be they all want another chance to appear on the show at all, right? They plan the services together. Sonja doesn’t know how to say goodbye to Milou. She had him for 18 years. The funeral will be held on 72nd Street where she first got Milou, those were the good old days.

Kristen and Josh meet with a branding specialist. Her modeling career is ending and she needs something besides RHONY to do. She is auditioning for a workout video, God help her. Kristen is not in as good shape as she thought. Kristen really wants the job. You really have to be prepared for job interviews Kristen.

Can you work a fog machine? Can you do CPR?

Carole pops in to see Ramona, she needs to use her office to interview assistants while her home is being redone. Carole advertised on Twitter for an assistant. I actually saw that tweet and was tempted to apply. Ramona tells her that was the wrong thing to do, you’ll get nuts applying for the job. Speaking of not being prepared for an interviews, applicants walk in for the job without a resume. One of them is a rapper. Carole likes to ask a lot of crazy questions like can you work a fog machine? What is your favorite flower? What do you think of wire hangers? Have you read my book? . . .  no one seems to have read her book. Is it me? If I was interviewing with an author I would read both of books . .  .all two of them . . . and make sure she knew I did even if she didn’t ask.

The Milou Funeral production. Sonja has to separate from Milou emotionally so she goes to a healer, who had twins at 57 years old. Oy vey, are there no normal people on this show? Is that even possible? Medical science has come a lot farther than I thought when 57 year old grandmas start having babies. Then Sonja starts moaning about how resentful she feels about Ramona taking advantage of her this week. She reminds Sonja of her user and manipulating father. She compares Ramona to her sweet loving Milou. Sonja says a few parting words to the dog’s ashes in the box. It makes me wonder how Sonja handles the death of a person?

Why do I keep inviting my father to dinner?

Why doesn't everyone "Shut the f*ck up?"

At Aviva’s house for dinner, we have Sonja and Wendy. Aviva announces her father is coming tonight and Sonja still has the vivid image of his erection in her head. She is not too happy. Who else is there? George shows up, Harry is there, George’s 25 year old black girlfriend, who says they have been together 2.5 years, is also there. I do not believe for a second she is George’s girlfriend for all this time and Aviva hasn’t met her before now. George announces at dinner that he had to get his balls waxed. George tells Reid to put mirrors on his ceiling to spice up his love life. Aviva is getting disgusted with her father’s conversations and wants everyone to “Shut the f*ck up.” George hands his girlfriend a gift. It’s an engagement ring. She looks stunned. She wants to know if he is serious. He makes a joke then says yes. She says yes. Aviva thinks she is happy for her father, but it bothers her that her step mom is 25. I think the “girlfriend” wasn’t expecting a ring because she is not the girlfriend and didn’t know what to say or how to react. When is Bravo going to give us reality instead of lousy scripted material?

"The engagement" (enough said)

Back to Kristen’s workout video. She got the job and is excited. Now the production team gets the use of her house and a free infomercial for their video on RHONY. Maybe that gave Kristen an edge over more qualified fitness trainers who can exercise without getting out of breath? Josh is pissing her off because he is making fun of her while she is trying to work, yet he didn’t have any time for his daughter’s therapy session last week. Go figure. Am I the only one who doesn’t care for Josh? I think he has an agenda. My gut tells me he looking to get a spin off or a reality show of his own for his family or at least keep Kristen on the air for another season.

You call baby Ben's mother and he ended the relationship!

Sonja meets with Ramona and Aviva for lunch. Right now I am praying Aviva does not side with Ramona! Aviva asks them what did she miss while she was away. Sonja says Ramona left her flat on their trip to the Berkshires, and made a call that cost her her young boyfriend, Baby Ben. She tells Aviva that Ramona is a master manipulator. Ramona says Ben was too young. Sonja answers, it’s not about age, when you are sophisticated age doesn’t matter. Ramona tries to squash it. “If you’re happy I’m happy.” Sonja says, “I’m not happy.” Ramona promises not to call anyone any more. A man who works in the restaurant comes to the table and flirts with Sonja and gives her his number. Back to the funeral/ash spreading. Sonja is typing her goodbye Milou speech into her phone. Seriously, can someone get an intern over here to type this for her on a ipad or something!

Gotta love those hats!

Church bells are ringing. Sonja pops out of a car and Harry is already there. Milou was gay, but she brought the macho picture of him holding a tennis ball in his mouth. Here come the girls in black with hats. Stunning! Sonja is predictably unpredictable says LuAnn. Aviva is dressed for a regular funeral not a fashion show. I guess they left her out of the loop? They are all out in the middle of 72 Street. Sonja reads her speech by the house and the river. Here come the tears…a waterfall. Then she pours the ashes into the river after saying a prayer. RIP Milou.

Carole whispers she didn’t know Milou was gay. I love Carole and her little quips. Carole should get a spin off.

Picture credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E7

Heather and I expected "fireworks" 

and all we got was a lousy "F" bomb!

It’s the fourth of July, and this week’s episode is appropriately entitled “Fireworks.” I had a feeling this title had nothing to do with cherry bombs and more to do with screaming and “F” bombs. I was half right, it had nothing to do with cherry bombs and the expected drama was just a fizzle. If you want to quit reading now, I don’t blame you.

Here we go! First we have a lame scene of Ramona, who had a photographer over her house taking pictures of her with her dog for Avery’s wall . . . yeah right. Sonja shows up ranting about her legal and financial problems. Sonja and Ramona both give Sonja credit for handling it all so well, especially the bankruptcy. But in the confessional, Ramona confides in us that Sonja is spreading herself too thin with all her projects, once again proving she is a good and loyal friend . .  . NOT!

Heather and her husband take their son, Jax, to the doctor, it seems he isn’t hearing as well as he was and they need him checked. The doctor has him take a hearing test. The doctor tells them Jax hearing loss may be able to be surgically repaired. Jax has several medical issues. Of course this is taking it’s toll on Heather, who always tries to be strong for her son.

"Shut the f*ck up," says Aviva

in front of her darling daughter.

Aviva and Kristin take the kids out for a play date. Why? I don’t know. Kristen is Heather’s friend and doesn’t like Aviva. I figure the producers stirred this pot. Anyway, Kristin tells Aviva about the clam bake in the Hamptons. Kristin makes fun of Ramona’s eyes and it irks Aviva. Aviva tells her to shut the “F” Up. This “F” bomb was the best part of the episode, it came out of nowhere and for no good reason. I think Aviva has been hanging out with Renee Graziano and some of her language is rubbing off on her. Maybe we will see her on season 5 of Mob Wives next? Kristin is shocked and appalled. Aviva wants her to decide if she wants to get involved in her skirmish with Carole or not and she keeps repeating the question like a broken record. Kristin says everyone told her Aviva was crazy and now she is proving it. Kristin was trying to tell her she wants to be her friend and not get in the middle, but Aviva is yelling at her and really can‘t hear anything Kristen says. Aviva apologizes for cursing and she is done talking about it.

Heather is on the beach with her family for some 4th of July weekend fun. Carole joins them. They catch up on Aviva news. Heather tells “us” that she thinks Carole should let go of the “book thing,” she is obsessed. She tells Carole about Jax’s hearing issues and possible surgery. Heather gets emotional, she just wants to fix one thing for Jax. Heather and Carole seem to be genuinely good friends at this point.

LuAnn and Jacques play tennis with Ramona and Mario. Ramona and Mario are there to win, Luann is just there for fun. Kristen shows up in track shoes to play tennis . . . Mario and Ramona are shocked she is wearing the wrong shoes.  Speaking of “wrong” things, Kristen confronts Ramona about not going to Heather’s party, it was wrong for her not to come. LuAnn says Heather has every right to be upset with Ramona for blowing off her party and not coming. Ramona was upset that Aviva wasn’t invited. Ramona tells Kristen to mind her own business, it wasn’t her party and Heather can fight her own battles. Kristen says she isn’t getting involved in this any more, but Ramona was fighting Aviva‘s battle. Swoosh! The pretty, “dumb-blonde,“ model housewife get’s in a slam dunk! Heather gets a call from the doctor. The doctor is pretty optimistic that they can restore Jax’s hearing. Heather is cautiously optimistic.

Excuse me Ramona, you are fighting 

Aviva's battles with Carole!

Ramona’s house in the Hamptons and that is where everyone is headed. Kristen shows up, then Sonja, then Aviva, then LuAnn . . . Ramona corners Kristen like a rat to tell her it wasn’t her place to say anything to her about her not going to Heather’s party. Kristen says Heather is her friend and she was defending her just like Ramona was fighting Aviva’s battles. Ramona was rude, loud and belligerent. I guess the truth hurts? Now Heather and Carole show up and Carole wants to avoid Aviva. Kristen doesn’t trust “cray cray” Aviva after the episode on the play date. Heather confronts Ramona nicely about blowing off her party after RSVPing. Heather wants to know why she didn’t come. They call each other hypocrites, blah blah blah. This is some party, everyone has a stick up their ass.

Aviva to the rescue!

Kiss and make up, you love each other.

Ramona and Sonja discuss her burlesque show . . . Ramona heard it was a little raunchy. Sonja says it’s art. Ramona thinks Sonja is overextended with all her business ventures, she is over her head. LuAnn admires Sonja, but adds she could have used a little more “polish.” A highly insulted Sonja wants to leave to go to 4 or 5 better parties with nicer people who appreciate her. Sonja is annoyed with Ramona saying she is doing too many things at once. Sonja wants to see Ramona support a household as a single mother. Ramona is sorry she upset her. Aviva defends Ramona. Sonja says “Singer couldn’t handle a day in her life,” she doesn’t know what overwhelmed means, she doesn’t need Ramona making negative comments. Aviva tells them they love each other and that we all know Ramona puts her foot in her mouth every chance she gets. Then she makes them hug and make peace. They make up. But Sonja’s boa feathers are still quite ruffled by the negative comments about her burlesque show by both Ramona and LuAnn and isn‘t in much of a forgiving mood.

We are ¾ of the way through the show and I am dying for this episode to be over already. I keep hearing Judy Collins playing in the background, “Send in the clowns, there ought to be clowns.” This episode reminds me of when I was a kid and would light a firecracker and watch the fuse go all the way down, but it didn’t explode. We called those “duds.” and that’s what I call this show. Lots of hype about fighting and fireworks, but nothing really happens.

Aviva is flaunting Carole's book in

her face! 

Still waiting for the fireworks that Bravo promised. All seven ladies are on the beach for the clam bake. Sonja is ignoring Ramona and it is getting under Ramona’s skin. Lots of drinking and eating going on. Heather tells Aviva to talk to Carole so they can move on. What the hell is Heather doing? Heather is supposed to be Carole’s friend, so why is she egging Aviva on to go make peace with Carole? We know how Carole feels? Carole is going to be blindsided. Aviva goes over to Carole and literally pulls her away from her conversation with Mario. They sit in the sand to discuss their issues. Carole doesn’t understand what she said at the lunch that got Aviva riled up enough to slander her career and Bill Whitworth’s career. Heather goes over to mediate, like she had nothing to do with this setup. Carole clearly isn’t in a conciliatory mood and nothing was accomplished. Aviva says she thinks Carole is a great writer and she read Widow’s Guide, which hadn‘t been published at the time. “What do you mean you read it?” asks an very annoyed Carole. Apparently, Aviva got an early copy of it, a galley copy. She congratulates Carole and takes the book out of her bag and waves it around. Carole was not happy to see she had a galley copy of the book and says the binder was not cracked, she didn’t read it. Frankly, Carole should get to the bottom of who gave the book to Aviva, I’m thinking Andy Cohen did or one of the producers. Maybe even the same producer who told Heather to get Aviva to talk to Carole?

This was the worst episode of the season. The episode couldn’t have been more scripted, except for the parts about Jax. The only redeeming value it may have is in Carole’s hilarious blog, which I am going to read right after I post this.

P.S. Am I the only one who thinks Ramona actually brings the show down? It was better before she came back from her vacation.

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives Of New York: What the Hell Moments, S6 E6

“Unhappy Anniversary” is the title of episode six . . . but who’s anniversary? It seems Jonathan and Heather are having an party for their 10th anniversary, but some of Heather’s “friends” are boycotting . . . shall we guess who? Hopefully, no one will be discussing books and ghosts in this episode.

I just came back from Africa and saw 

a lion humping another lion twice!

Ramona is back from Africa and looking a little haggard for the wear. Heather is having an event for her charity with Karen Karch, a designer who is making jewelry designs of “organ parts.” Yes you read right, hearts, kidneys and eyes. Heather corners Ramona and fills her in on Aviva’s behavior, but Ramona, whose head has marinated in Pinot Grigio for years,  doesn’t think that it’s nice of Heather to exclude Aviva. Ramona talks about her trip to Africa, the highlight apparently being that she saw one lion humping another lion twice. Luann steals the best line of the night, “shouldn’t what happens in Africa stay in Africa?” Always late to the party, Sonja, finally shows up. Sonja thinks Aviva should be invited to Heather‘s anniversary party too. Heather thinks Ramona should give Heather time to process their request since both she and Sonja were not happy with Aviva for a year. Remember they wanted to get a hotel room on vacation so they wouldn’t have to see Aviva and Reid?  Heather really doesn’t want to invite Aviva to her anniversary party.

Heather, Carole and Kristen chat it up. Heather says she isn’t mad at Aviva, she just doesn’t like her behavior.

Suddenly Aviva’s new best friends are Ramona and Sonja.  Ramona hasn’t even been around for most of the feuding, but she has chosen sides. They are all out shopping. Ramona feels peaceful after her lion humping experience, and wants to spread it around. Humping lions will create an aura of calmness in a person . . . it‘s common knowledge. Ramona calls Heather from the store and tells her she wants everyone to get along. Heather doesn’t understand how Sonja and Ramona are Aviva’s bff’s all of a sudden after a year of ranting and raving about her. Heather is badgered into meeting with Aviva and as she agrees, Aviva says she is afraid of her. Heather is only too happy to tell Aviva what bugs her about her behavior.

There’s a caviar tasting…Carole and Kristen are there meeting Heather’s husband, Jonathan. He is getting caviar for her for their anniversary and he invited her friends there to try it and help him decide on which one to get. Why is the waiter wearing a plaid shirt at a very fancy caviar tasting? I’ll never understand the posh lifestyle. They taste the caviar and give their opinions . . . the first one is best. Twenty-five people are coming to the party, Aviva is not invited as far as Jonathan knows.

It all goes downhill from here!

Heather and Aviva meet for wine. They start off on a cordial note, but don‘t get used to it, they hate each other's guts. They set some ground rules: no yelling, no cursing, no name calling. The cordialness wears off fast as Aviva confronts Heather about verbally raping her. Heather explains to Aviva that the things she says about people are vile, like Sonja is on a downward spiral like Anna Nicole Smith, that’s not a compliment Aviva! Heather says Aviva is “f*cking dramatic” and Aviva immediately wants an apology. Heather used the “F” word! But Aviva has been hanging around with none other than Renee Graziano, of Mob Wives, and I happen to know that Renee holds the record for most “F” bombs in an episode. What’s the big f*cking deal Aviva?  Heather says Aviva has no respect for people who have careers.  They finally agree they don’t like each other. Duh. Oh no she didn’t! What the hell did I just hear? Aviva asks if Carole and Heather are lovers because of how she defends her? No apology is forthcoming on either side, the ground rules are out the window. Heather says, “let me ask you a question, do you give a shit about me?” Aviva thinks a minute and says yes. Heather thinks Aviva is insanely jealous of her friendship with Carole. I don’t think so, I think it’s a matter of choosing sides for the season’s battles. Aviva says when it comes to me and Carole can we agree you are not impartial? Heather agrees. Heather brings up her anniversary party and says she wants to talk to Jonathan about it inviting her and Reid to join them. Aviva agrees, she should talk to Jonathan. What the hell just happened? I feel like some big piece of the puzzle was cut out…nice job editing department.

You are f*cking dramatic and I'm sick of it.

But, I might invite you to my anniversary party.

Hmmm what have we here . . . Kristen and Carole are at a restaurant and in come Yolanda and Brandy of the RHOBH. Brandy tells a stupid Elvis story about Kristen making out with “him” in Vegas. Carole is relieved not to have to be talking to or about Aviva for a change. They talk about each other’s sex lives. Carole just broke up with Russ, Kristen’s sex life is good. And Yolanda’s wearing white pants . . . I have it on good authority, from a fashionista, that she wears those boring pants everywhere! Where is the makeover man, Tim Gunn, when you need him? Why was this scene even included? Don’t we have enough or our own wives without borrowing a couple from another franchise! What the hell is Andy thinking? Maybe he is drinking too much Pinot?

Aviva tells Ramona and Sonja that she ended on a good note with Heather. They are happy to hear it. But, Aviva tells them she isn’t invited to the party. The incredulous looks on Ramona and Sonja’s faces are priceless. Aviva explains that Heather texted her to tell her there was a lot of water under the bridge and she wants to leave the water under the bridge for now, it’s too soon to have her at the anniversary party. Sonja and Ramona aren’t down with this. Their delicate feathers get ruffled. Who does Heather think she is to disrespect their new bff like that? There is only one thing for them to do! Sonja isn’t going to the party, and Ramona isn’t going either. Why is Heather making Carole’s battle her battle. They don’t get it, they are shocked. Now the three bff’s aren’t going. I want to know why the hell Ramona and Sonja are making Aviva’s battle their battle? Now that’s a better question.

Kristen and her husband argue over who cares about what, before going into the party. Luann gets a text from Ramona and Sonja saying they aren’t coming to the party and now she is stuck telling Heather. An hour and a half into the party, Heather asks where are Sonja and Ramona . . . here’s Luann’s cue to explain that they are boycotting the party because Aviva wasn‘t invited. Heather says it’s rude to RSVP and then not show up. Heather says it was too much too soon for her to have had Aviva over. The other ladies agree that the drunken duo did not do the right thing. Heather says Ramona is the shit stirrer. Heather never liked Ramona and should have trusted her gut instinct when she met her. “Who’s to blame for all this? It’s that Stinger Singer!” says Heather. Heather doesn’t need them there anyway. Heather makes a nice little speech to her adoring husband. He hands Heather a tote bag full of caviar! Heather is thrilled with her treat . . . Jonathan will get his later.

Picture Credit: Bravo

Real Housewives of New York: Reunion Part 2 S5 E20

LuAnn: "Ramona, YOU are no angel, okay! and 

Carole, you never miss an opportunity to knock me down!"

First of all, this was a very lackluster part two reunion. There was more rehashing and just a couple of short, spicy moments, but over all it was dull. They should have just added thirty minutes to last week’s show and called it a season. The best I can describe it is what the hell was the big deal about this reunion?

They begin with the LuAnn and Tomas storyline, which they obviously saved for this week. Jacques declined to be at the reunion, or so Andy says. Somehow I find it hard to believe anything Andy says, is it just me? Everyone knows LuAnn came home late with Tomas, but she and Jacques are still together. Tomas simply gave her a ride to the house and LuAnn lied to Ramona because she felt Ramona would blow it out of proportion. Ya think? Ramona is always looking for scandals  EXCEPT in her own backyard! Ramona says LuAnn loves her men, LuAnn says you are no miss goody two shoes. I wish LuAnn would have elaborated on that. Then, Carole adds, being a mother is a good reason not to bring a pirate home. LuAnn jumps down her throat saying, “you never miss an opportunity to knock me down.” The truth hurts. LuAnn really does not like Carole. Frankly, Carole is right, as usual, but my biggest complaint is we never hear enough from Carole! Can’t wait for Carole’s book to come out about her blogs and observations this season!

Carole: "Maybe a good mother doesn't bring pirates home? That's all I'm saying."

Sonya needs to act her age and have a little self respect. On the show Andy calls it, Sonya turned up the heat on sexy. A viewer says, “money can buy you ass,” referring to Tomas, LuAnn’s sloppy seconds. Sonya also hit on the house staff, was that appropriate? She calls it flirting. I call it desperate. Aviva gets the heat for criticizing Sonja and Ramona’s sleeping arrangements. Yet even Andy and I are finding their behavior a little too “gay.”  Maybe they have some latent tendencies that make them have to sleep together and swim naked together? I don’t know.

George behaves inappropriately. Aviva is called low class by a viewer, for pimping her friends out to her lecherous father. Aviva says low class to her means how you treat other people. Carole is asked if George is breaking any of the widow’s rules of dating in her book? Carole answers, he is breaking all the rules. Aviva says she can’t control him and she has to accept him.  What’s a loving daughter to do? By the way, do you think it was Aviva’s idea to have George on the show or Andy’s? My vote goes to the master manipulator, Andy! Bravo for seeing the potential for high drama in George, Andy!

Toaster Oven Gate. “Most famous toaster we’ve never seen.” Heather was upset and frustrated yet again last night. Sonja says the toaster oven isn’t out because it’s part of a whole collection. Fine. But, Heather and Sonja are still arguing over the sexy “J.” Sonja says she just wanted a white box with her name on it. WOW! Then she whips out a bunch of fan designed logos to show Heather. Again with the logos! Sonja wanted the sexy “J.” Heather already felt unappreciated for all her work and now Sonja is showing her sketches from a viewer. Even Andy looked taken aback. Heather did a lot of gratuitous work on her branding, and she finally says to Sonja “you wouldn’t know hard work if it bit you in the ass.” Heather does not want to work with her professionally ever again. What a surprise! 

Holla Heather: "You wouldn't know hard work if it bit you in the ass!  HOLLA!"

Aviva vs. Ramona…Reid vs. Alcohol. She said the Miami experience was eye opening. That was when Aviva first started getting disillusioned with Ramona. Ramona yells out, “your father called me trailer turd.” Aviva can’t control what comes out of George’s mouth any more than Pinot can control what comes out of Ramona’s mouth. Apparently, George has been claiming he gave thousands in the checks he delivered to her charity, but only gave $500. Aviva felt betrayed and sabotaged at St. Barth’s. All this is rehashed yet again. She was invited there with everyone knowing Reid was coming too, only to be told by some pot stirring producer that Ramona said it would change the dynamics of the trip and Reid should go to a hotel! Now what rational person would not be extremely offended by that? The bottom line is Aviva is dependent on Reid as Ramona is dependent on Pinot.

Aviva: "I'm sorry, a lot of that anger were based on my mother's issues with alcohol"

Ramona needs rehab? Aviva is asked if she really believes that Ramona needs Dr. Drew and she says no, they just party hard. Aviva explains that she is sensitive to over drinking because her mother died of alcoholism. When she was angry with them, part of that anger is from how she feels towards her own mother for dying so young from something that was avoidable.  Aviva apologizes for that, they have every right to party on vacation. 

Ramona: Don't go there Andy!

But then Andy wants to pursue Ramona’s drinking a little more. He brings up that last season Kelly accused Ramona of being an alcoholic. Then he wants to know from Heather and Carole if they think Ramona drinks too much or has a problem. An unusually calm and restrained Ramona nearly explodes at Andy! How dare he keep bringing this up! She isn’t tolerating it. I think she totally scared Heather and Carole, because they both started saying, “no, she has no problem with Pinot.”

Ramona: "We're not done yet? No one told me."

They touch on a few more little topics and then a wide-eyed Ramona gets up and is ready to leave while still filming is still going on. Somehow she thought they were done. Even if she thought so, I don’t know what was her rush to take flight off the set?  But they manage to convince her they were still filming, so she finally sat back down. I thought after five years she was a "pro" at this reality tv business? Maybe she had a little too much to drink during the last break? Oh well, there goes a good minute of reunion time wasted! Or was it Ramona who was wasted? 

My final thoughts. I enjoyed the new wives over the old wives. The breakdown is 3-2-1. The three new wives seem to make up a team, with Aviva occasionally on the outside because of her dramatics. Ramona and Sonja will defend each other’s right to drink, party and get naked to the bitter end. They seem to have no real loyalty to royalty, LuAnn. LuAnn is the cheese who stands alone. LuAnn can’t get along with Carole, it’s a royal jealousy thing. LuAnn can’t get along with Ramona, too much history there. LuAnn has no story line so she tried to use Tomas to create one…and the “baby” story line. Both of these attempts are going nowhere fast. Seems to me, LuAnn needs to be replaced. For all you fans who are anti-Aviva, let me say this, you shot yourselves in the foot. Aviva wins the award for creating the most drama this season, intentionally or unintentionally. Drama is what these shows live for. If anything, all your complaining probably moved Aviva to the top of RHONY season six. Not sure if Carole has the stomach to agree to another season, that would be everyone’s loss. Her intelligence, wit and dry sense of humor are such assets if only we could hear what she has to say! HOLLA Heather, as much as I have grown to like her, not sure where she stands. She handles her issues head on, without drama, and the truth is always on her side. I’d like her to come back. Sonja and Ramona, sorry to say, the fans love them, so undoubtedly they will be back.

Real Housewives of New York: Reunion Part 1 S5 E19

In this corner, we have the NEW Wives!

In this corner we have the OLD wives

Let the games begin! 

New wives against the old wives! As expected, Andy has the new wives sitting together on one couch and the old wives assemble on the other. That’s pretty predictable since we can no longer have the blondes against the brunettes. Now, let’s rehash every single argument in season 5 and see where the hell it gets us!

Royal Wars are first topic. I think that LuAnn was always put off by the fact that Carole royally outranked her, from day one. It was inevitable that this royal jealousy was going to lead to issues. First there was the Native American vs Indian war. Carole took that politically incorrect comment very seriously and made a snide remark that even third graders know better than to use the term Indian. LuAnn believes it is her right to use the derogatory term, since she is part Native American. I side with Carole on this issue, and we refer you back to LuAnn’s song “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” which may be the most fundamental truth LuAnn has ever said…even if it was in a tacky, classless video. 

Second royal argument revolved around Carole’s designer friend, Ranjana, and LuAnn’s borrowing of the clothes and jewelry. No one ever let’s Carole explain herself because they shout her down, so the other women have to explain it for her. Aviva saves the day, as her explanation is understood by all. What the hell is so hard to understand? Carole was pissed because LuAnn, the opportunist, took advantage of Carole’s friendship with Ranjana, to impose on her and ask to borrow things. Did Ranjana offer? Probably yes, because when LuAnn paid Ranjana a compliment, it was the polite thing for Ranjana to do. People say things out of politeness that they don’t expect you to necessarily take them up on. Carole felt that LuAnn crossed a line. You don’t impose on strangers and other people’s friends. Once again LuAnn demonstrates her lack of class. I side with Carole on this issue. 

I was a Countess before you were even born, Carole!

Then there was the Princess vs. Countess title war. LuAnn says Carole threw her title around. Wrong. Carole never mentions she is a princess. Never. I have to remind myself that she is a princess every once in a while. LuAnn, on the other hand, never forgets that Carole is a princess. She probably has nightmares about being royally replaced. So in her little warped mind, she hears Carole saying the word “princess,” when in fact she never does. This is in direct contrast to the first four seasons of RONY, when LuAnn made sure everyone and their mother knew she retained her “Countess” title. Luann is definitely green with envy. I side with Carole.

I never say I'm a princess, if anything I'm an American or a peasant!

Next issue, Harry Dublin. Yes, everyone loves Harry…just don’t ask me why. Have you seen him? Yes, I guess if you are a fan you have. Harry is Aviva’s ex-husband who has managed to sleep with two of the other housewives…what the hell are the odds of that? Aviva doesn’t like it that Sonja keeps bringing up Harry, she has legal issues with him. For the sake  of THE CHILDREN can we please stop bringing up ex-husbands already! I agree with Aviva, enough of Harry!

You know what? Unless you walk a mile in my shoe, you won't know

how it feels, so shut the hell up!

From there we move on to Aviva’s leg and phobias. No one appeared sympathetic to her story and it’s lifelong consequences. Everyone felt that for someone who wanted to be treated like everyone else and not have her leg brought up, Aviva talked about it the most. I will agree there was entirely too much referencing to the leg story. We heard it so many times I almost felt like it happened to me! I even said in earlier blogs that the “leg” should be the 7th housewife because it took on a life of it’s own. As for the phobias, Aviva has way too many of them. It affects her relationships. When you have phobias and anxiety it is with you 24/7, you can’t escape them.  Do you think that maybe BRAVO selected Aviva because her leg and phobias might create drama? No, that couldn’t be it, could it? I can almost hear Andy whispering, let’s go with Aviva this season and have her rehash her story over and over…you know Ramona, Pinot and Sonja will have a field day with that! Everyone jumped down Aviva’s throat for a false apology…HELLO, Ramona has made a dozen of those herself! Let’s keep it real shall we? I side with Aviva, if only because I am tired of a Pinot-soaked Ramona!

Ramona, you made my life a living hell before London, why 

in the world would I invite you? Holla!

Ramona is still upset Heather didn’t invite her to London, boo hoo. Heather says she made the right decision and would do it again. Heather makes her case, they weren’t getting a long, Ramona has a big, uncensored mouth, it was a business trip. No time for drama on the trip, so Ramona carried on and on and on before the trip. Heather, I side with you…the further away from Ramona, the better. Holla!

What are you thinking Aviva? Only my Ramona is allowed to

make insincere apologies...geez!

Of course the three episode trip to St. Barth’s was going to be the finale’s finale! Once again the “white trash” comment comes up and apparently Reid’s “overweight cougars” comment does too. I think Aviva could have come up with something better to call them. How about inebriated, classless, attention seeking exhibitionists? That would put her education to good use and be more accurate. So Aviva apologizes again, but Ramona and Sonja aren’t having it because they claim Aviva talks behind their backs in blogs and on twitter. Guess what? Ramona said plenty of disparaging things behind Aviva’s back. I don’t follow Sonja so I can’t comment on her. There are two sets of rules for this show, one for the old wives and one for the new wives. The old wives think that by virtue of seniority, they can say and do anything they please and get a pass, while the new wives have to walk a fine line and not cross it. I think, for the most part, they gave as good as they got, considering they have no experience in warfare. 

These Reunions always make me want to gag myself!

Can’t wait for part two of the Reunion next week. By the way, all the women looked lovely…now if only they would act that way. 

Picture Credit: BRAVO