“Unhappy Anniversary” is the title of episode six . . . but who’s anniversary? It seems Jonathan and Heather are having an party for their 10th anniversary, but some of Heather’s “friends” are boycotting . . . shall we guess who? Hopefully, no one will be discussing books and ghosts in this episode.
I just came back from Africa and saw
a lion humping another lion twice!
Ramona is back from Africa and looking a little haggard for the wear. Heather is having an event for her charity with Karen Karch, a designer who is making jewelry designs of “organ parts.” Yes you read right, hearts, kidneys and eyes. Heather corners Ramona and fills her in on Aviva’s behavior, but Ramona, whose head has marinated in Pinot Grigio for years, doesn’t think that it’s nice of Heather to exclude Aviva. Ramona talks about her trip to Africa, the highlight apparently being that she saw one lion humping another lion twice. Luann steals the best line of the night, “shouldn’t what happens in Africa stay in Africa?” Always late to the party, Sonja, finally shows up. Sonja thinks Aviva should be invited to Heather‘s anniversary party too. Heather thinks Ramona should give Heather time to process their request since both she and Sonja were not happy with Aviva for a year. Remember they wanted to get a hotel room on vacation so they wouldn’t have to see Aviva and Reid? Heather really doesn’t want to invite Aviva to her anniversary party.
Heather, Carole and Kristen chat it up. Heather says she isn’t mad at Aviva, she just doesn’t like her behavior.
Suddenly Aviva’s new best friends are Ramona and Sonja. Ramona hasn’t even been around for most of the feuding, but she has chosen sides. They are all out shopping. Ramona feels peaceful after her lion humping experience, and wants to spread it around. Humping lions will create an aura of calmness in a person . . . it‘s common knowledge. Ramona calls Heather from the store and tells her she wants everyone to get along. Heather doesn’t understand how Sonja and Ramona are Aviva’s bff’s all of a sudden after a year of ranting and raving about her. Heather is badgered into meeting with Aviva and as she agrees, Aviva says she is afraid of her. Heather is only too happy to tell Aviva what bugs her about her behavior.
There’s a caviar tasting…Carole and Kristen are there meeting Heather’s husband, Jonathan. He is getting caviar for her for their anniversary and he invited her friends there to try it and help him decide on which one to get. Why is the waiter wearing a plaid shirt at a very fancy caviar tasting? I’ll never understand the posh lifestyle. They taste the caviar and give their opinions . . . the first one is best. Twenty-five people are coming to the party, Aviva is not invited as far as Jonathan knows.
It all goes downhill from here!
Heather and Aviva meet for wine. They start off on a cordial note, but don‘t get used to it, they hate each other's guts. They set some ground rules: no yelling, no cursing, no name calling. The cordialness wears off fast as Aviva confronts Heather about verbally raping her. Heather explains to Aviva that the things she says about people are vile, like Sonja is on a downward spiral like Anna Nicole Smith, that’s not a compliment Aviva! Heather says Aviva is “f*cking dramatic” and Aviva immediately wants an apology. Heather used the “F” word! But Aviva has been hanging around with none other than Renee Graziano, of Mob Wives, and I happen to know that Renee holds the record for most “F” bombs in an episode. What’s the big f*cking deal Aviva? Heather says Aviva has no respect for people who have careers. They finally agree they don’t like each other. Duh. Oh no she didn’t! What the hell did I just hear? Aviva asks if Carole and Heather are lovers because of how she defends her? No apology is forthcoming on either side, the ground rules are out the window. Heather says, “let me ask you a question, do you give a shit about me?” Aviva thinks a minute and says yes. Heather thinks Aviva is insanely jealous of her friendship with Carole. I don’t think so, I think it’s a matter of choosing sides for the season’s battles. Aviva says when it comes to me and Carole can we agree you are not impartial? Heather agrees. Heather brings up her anniversary party and says she wants to talk to Jonathan about it inviting her and Reid to join them. Aviva agrees, she should talk to Jonathan. What the hell just happened? I feel like some big piece of the puzzle was cut out…nice job editing department.
You are f*cking dramatic and I'm sick of it.
But, I might invite you to my anniversary party.
Hmmm what have we here . . . Kristen and Carole are at a restaurant and in come Yolanda and Brandy of the RHOBH. Brandy tells a stupid Elvis story about Kristen making out with “him” in Vegas. Carole is relieved not to have to be talking to or about Aviva for a change. They talk about each other’s sex lives. Carole just broke up with Russ, Kristen’s sex life is good. And Yolanda’s wearing white pants . . . I have it on good authority, from a fashionista, that she wears those boring pants everywhere! Where is the makeover man, Tim Gunn, when you need him? Why was this scene even included? Don’t we have enough or our own wives without borrowing a couple from another franchise! What the hell is Andy thinking? Maybe he is drinking too much Pinot?
Aviva tells Ramona and Sonja that she ended on a good note with Heather. They are happy to hear it. But, Aviva tells them she isn’t invited to the party. The incredulous looks on Ramona and Sonja’s faces are priceless. Aviva explains that Heather texted her to tell her there was a lot of water under the bridge and she wants to leave the water under the bridge for now, it’s too soon to have her at the anniversary party. Sonja and Ramona aren’t down with this. Their delicate feathers get ruffled. Who does Heather think she is to disrespect their new bff like that? There is only one thing for them to do! Sonja isn’t going to the party, and Ramona isn’t going either. Why is Heather making Carole’s battle her battle. They don’t get it, they are shocked. Now the three bff’s aren’t going. I want to know why the hell Ramona and Sonja are making Aviva’s battle their battle? Now that’s a better question.
Kristen and her husband argue over who cares about what, before going into the party. Luann gets a text from Ramona and Sonja saying they aren’t coming to the party and now she is stuck telling Heather. An hour and a half into the party, Heather asks where are Sonja and Ramona . . . here’s Luann’s cue to explain that they are boycotting the party because Aviva wasn‘t invited. Heather says it’s rude to RSVP and then not show up. Heather says it was too much too soon for her to have had Aviva over. The other ladies agree that the drunken duo did not do the right thing. Heather says Ramona is the shit stirrer. Heather never liked Ramona and should have trusted her gut instinct when she met her. “Who’s to blame for all this? It’s that Stinger Singer!” says Heather. Heather doesn’t need them there anyway. Heather makes a nice little speech to her adoring husband. He hands Heather a tote bag full of caviar! Heather is thrilled with her treat . . . Jonathan will get his later.
Picture Credit: Bravo
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