Real Housewives of New York: Finale's What The Hell Moments S6 E20

Footloose!

"I'll hit the ceiling or else I'll tear up this town!"

“The Last Leg” or the last straw? Aviva cannot stand being called “fake” any longer, so she throws her leg across the table to make her point. You want fake? This is the only thing fake about me she tells her insensitive co-stars. And with that dramatic toss Aviva shows she has a leg up on everyone else! Warning: I am going to get all my leg and foot jokes in this blog!

Sonja hurt her ankle after being ditched by Harry. Ramona and Kristen show up and ask what happened. Sonja tells them Harry and LuAnn left the party together and got into a cab. She heard that LuAnn told him she was single. Sonja says she fell on the street chasing a cab. Boo Hoo Sonja is crying her eyes out over Harry. If it was me I’d be celebrating, but these women never do what I would do. Sonja is confused and in pain. Kristen is confused (what else is new?). Ramona is ranting (what else is new?). Sonja says Harry blew it the first time around with her and he is blowing it the second time too. (I’m not touching this line.) Then Sonja goes down the stairs with boots that have heels at least four inches high . . . Do I believe she hurt her foot? Is anything real on this show? Carole tweeted that Sonja twisted her ankle because she was drunk not chasing a cab. Now that I can believe! But maybe Sonja’s leg just wants to give Aviva’s leg a run for her money? Some people are so competitive!

"I wouldn't touch Harry with a 10 foot pole!"

And now LuAnn drops by Sonja’s. Really?  LuAnn takes a seat at the table with Sonja. Sonja accuses LuAnn of leaving the party with Harry. LuAnn says Harry left the party and followed the others, not her. LuAnn is angry that Sonja would accuse her of having anything to do with Harry. Lu says she wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot pole, been there done that. Sonja can’t stay mad at her especially not over Harry. Sonja really doesn’t seem that angry at all for all the crying she did a few minutes ago, but she wants Harry to do some explaining. Harry has to step up to the plate and start talking! Maybe he will put his Foot in his mouth?

Carole and Heather are shopping for bags and find one they love that costs $9,000. I think we refer to that as costing an “arm and a leg.” Very nice. Heather brings up Jax and his hearing issues. They got a second opinion from a doctor who said they probably won’t be able to reverse the hearing loss. It’s confusing when doctors have different opinions. Carole relates because she went to different doctors for her husband and says you just have to pick one doctor that you trust and listen to him. Jax feels his hearing is fine, so no surgery.

By the way I am skipping over the scenes with Kristen because they are really boring so check another blog if you are a fan of hers.

Sonja meets Harry for lunch. He wants to talk about what happened and move on. Sonja says he left her at the club and got in a cab with LuAnn. And, what’s worse is that it happened the same night he says he wants to commit to her, just minutes after he gave her the ring. Someone told him LuAnn was drinking and he shouldn’t let her leave alone. He says nothing happened. Sonja asks him how can he leave her at the party. He says it was stupid and he is sorry. Sonja says she was ready for a commitment, but he isn’t. She returns his ring and says “let’s keep things the way they were.” I guess Sonja isn’t going “commando” for Harry any time soon.

Next up are Carole’s apartment renovations. Heather and Kristen drop by and love it what she has done to it. Kristen likes the fact that there is no kitchen. Heather pops the champagne and Carole says she loves her apartment. And seriously, the apartment is stunning! Carole gets a text that Aviva is joining them at the Team Sonja party. Kristen says Aviva is an outsider at this point for not going to Montana. Heather and Carole aren’t thrilled with Aviva and her phobias. Carole intends to be politely rude. She feels when Aviva is gone it feels like a vacation. They all toast to their common dislike of Aviva. But what if Aviva was really sick and they are all kicking her when she is down? Will Aviva be able to go toe-to-toe with them about this?

Ramona and Carole are having a chat and Ramona tells her she dated Fabio. Then she brags about how she and Mario had instant chemistry and are still together. I think Ramona dated Pinot before dating Fabio and Mario.

Aviva clearly doesn't like where

 this dinner conversation is headed!

Team Sonja Party! LuAnn, Heather, Ramona, Carole, Kristen are all there. Carole says she doesn’t think she is on Team Sonja, but nevertheless she was invited. Sonja wants to celebrate how well things are going for her. Sonja makes her grand entrance. And then here comes Aviva, putting her best foot forward, is all dressed in red like a movie star from the old MGM movies. She says she came to support Sonja. Sonja wants to give a speech celebrating all the people there who help her develop her brand. But before Sonja opens her mouth, an obnoxious Ramona berates her for not saying hello to her friends first, after all, they have been there an hour. LuAnn keeps calling Sonja’s Team bizarre and laughing. Ramona says Sonja’s speech was a book and it made no sense at all. Ramona and Heather are saying Aviva is fake for not going to Montana and making up the whole asthma excuse. Aviva is upset because they are all avoiding her none of them ever asked her how she is feeling. Sonja isn’t too thrilled with some of “her friends” for laughing at her speech. Every one of the housewives is against Aviva, and Heather decides to confront her at the table. Aviva doesn’t understand what is happening at first, like she has been blindsided. Carole says she has been the most horrible person to everyone here. They accuse her of lying! Aviva has had it! Aviva screams my doctor must have lied to me.

The proof is in the x-ray!

Then Aviva whips out her x-rays to show them that either her asthma is real or her doctor is creating an elaborate lie. Aviva doesn’t want be called a liar. I think we have found Aviva’s “Achilles Heel!” Then, Aviva takes a jab at Carole’s writing. She feels this attack goes back to what she said about Carole’s book. Ramona thinks Aviva didn’t want to go to Montana because she didn’t want leave her husband. Aviva says that missing the trip was purely due to illness. Aviva tries to explain that the cause of her asthma is reflux and she had to eat differently to get better and lost ten pounds because of it. Aviva finds it very hurtful that no one believes her. Then Heather announces she wants to go home, this is all a waste of her time.

First it's on the table . . .

. . . then flung to the floor

The last time I saw it, it walked out the door.

Out with the leg! Somebody cue the DJ to play “Footloose!” Aviva takes off her leg and waves it yelling, “This is the only thing fake about me! Everything else is real, everything else! I am sick of it.” Aviva puts her foot down for the last time. She flings it on the table. And then, from the table, she flings it out to the floor. Everyone looks horrified. Aviva says Heather is very mean. Carole picks up the leg, returns it to Aviva and tells her she needs help. Then Carole quips you know what they say “it ain’t over till the fat lady sings or the skinny lady throws her leg.” You have to love Carole’s wit.

Carole retrieves the leg, 

while LuAnn is still in a tizzy.

That’s it for season 6 with a two part reunion show waiting in the wings. Will there be a season 7 for New York? I think Andy is working on it, but I did hear everyone was fired except Ramona, who will be full-time and Aviva, who will be part-time (which she pretty much was this season). I am not happy with this development. If I were Andy I would keep Heather, Carole, Aviva and LuAnn and add a couple of NEW drama divas. If you think you can do without Aviva, think again. She caused drama in every episode she was in, and all they did was talk about her in every episode that she went missing.

Picture Credit: Bravo

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E15

"I have a doctor's note, an inhaler and prescriptions here 

and you still don't believe me?"

“Ten Gallon Spats,” how clever is that for a title? NOT! I have to wonder if there will be another season of RHONY after watching this episode. Not only has nothing significant happened all season, with the possible exception of Book-Gate, but the cast is acting like a bunch of five year olds fighting at a playground. Let's retitle this "Five Year Old Squabbles."

Kristen talks the girls into going to an upscale dude ranch in Montana for Labor Day weekend, like they haven‘t had enough vacations. Carole says she called Russ about the rumor of his sleeping with Sonja. He says he loves her and he would never disrespect her like that. Ramona thinks this trip is “b o r i n g. It’s going to make the Berkshires look like a major city.” Aviva has moderate to severe asthma and she can’t fly because of the altitude and she is also allergic to horses, according to her doctor. Did he really test her for horse allergies out of the blue? Because last time I looked around NYC there weren’t many horses around. Anyway, long story short, she will be absent from this trip too. It’s really too bad because Aviva was looking forward to the trip and she doesn’t know what this medical condition is all about. She will be tested again in a couple of days. Guess what?  She still can’t go. Surprise, surprise.

Sonja has a cheap idea for a face lift, tape and string, to pull her face up. She says she would have not chosen Montana for a getaway, but she will make the best of it. Her intern sorts through her underwear to find the right ones for Montana. You have to set the mood with the lingerie, it’s the foundation, says Sonja, who likes to go commando.

Ramona and Kristen go shopping for riding boots. They also need chaps. Kristen is a size 10 and she wants the salesman to surprise her with a pair of boots. Ramona tells Kristen that Aviva has asthma. Kristen never heard that Aviva suffers from asthma before. She thinks Aviva is lying about having asthma so she can get out of going to Montana. Kristen calls Aviva out on the asthma. Aviva pulls out all her prescriptions and inhalers and says these must be fake then. The doctor told Aviva there is no question that the flight and animals will make it worse. Kristen wonders out loud that suddenly all Aviva’s phobias went away, so where did the asthma come from? Aviva, totally prepared for confrontation, whips out a doctor’s letter. Seriously, why does a grown woman bring a doctor’s letter to her “friends”?  Maybe Aviva is tired of being called a liar. Kristen says she doesn’t believe Aviva and she doesn’t know why, even with the letter. Kristen says Aviva’s health was perfect until she was invited to Montana! This really angers Aviva. Ramona watches the whole argument. Aviva wants Kristen to show some compassion. Aviva thinks Kristen is being very rude. Kristen says she can never go on any trip she always has an excuse. Here is the five year old version: “I’m sick.” “No you’re not.” Yes, I am.” “You are not!” “Am so!” You just don’t want to come with us!” “I do want to come, but I can’t” “No you don’t. You’re not sick, you don’t want to come.” “I do so, see my inhaler?” “Big deal, anyone can have an inhaler.” Etc, etc, etc

Holla Heather and Carole are excited about the trip to Montana. Heather is a tomboy. Carole likes adventures way more than cocktail parties. Carole thinks Aviva is allergic to fun. Heather thinks she exaggerates her small ailments not to have to go anywhere. If that’s how they feel shouldn’t they be glad Aviva is not going? I’m confused.

"I really wanted to go, but I just can't"

Aviva laments to Reid that she really wanted to go on this trip but now she has asthma. She really wanted to put the asthma aside and go on the trip. Reid says she can’t go, it’s out of the question, it would be irresponsible. Aviva agrees. Trip is out.

They take an open wagon to the cabins

Montana! Carole, Heather, LuAnn, Ramona, Sonja and Kristen get their luggage at the airport. They realize how few people are there, it’s just them and the mountains. Sonja calls it a ghost-town. There is a wheelchair waiting for Aviva. Then they all joke about Aviva having a wheelchair waiting for her at the airport. Heather finds is suspicious that Aviva isn’t going on any of the trips. They are in the middle of nowhere and they see the ranch. Kristen is wearing high heels, wrong shoes for a trip like this, but once a model, always a model. First the ranch receptionist hands them some huckleberry juice in a jar to welcome them. Then they get on an open wagon, like Little House on the Prairie, to go to their lodges. The Antler’s Cabin is for Kristen, LuAnn and Heather. The Beaver’s Cabin Sonja, Ramona and Carole (who graciously volunteered to stay with the drunken duo). They seem pleased with the accommodations.

Kristen tells them they are going to herd cattle, that’s the #1 thing to do in Montana. They all get on horses. There are cows everywhere. Ramona is disgusted because her horse is eating and she demands a new horse. She trades horses with LuAnn. They are actually pretty good at rounding up the cattle. They all had fun.

"I'm not your friend any more! Bye!"

The ladies are going out for the evening to the Ranch House Restaurant. There are horses and cattle outside the building. Ramona smells horse shit, she can’t eat. LuAnn asks Sonja to tell the stories the facialist recently told her and Kristen. Carole says the woman gossiped about Sonja and Russ having a fling. Carole says since Sonja didn’t deny it, she had to call Russ who denied it. Then there was the story she told of LuAnn dominating men. LuAnn is furious that Sonja didn’t throw the facialist out of her house for talking about her friends. They keep rehashing that bit of gossip, proving they all sure know how to beat a dead horse. LuAnn goes on and on about Sonja not firing her facialist over this gossip. Sonja says gossip been going on for centuries, gossip and hairdressers go together. LuAnn doesn’t think it’s funny. She is upset for Sonja for not getting that she is upset over this. Here’s the five year old version: “Your friend said something mean about me.” “No she didn’t.” “Yes, she did.” “No she didn’t, she was just joking.” “No she wasn’t.” “Yes she was.” “I’m mad at you!” “Why? I didn’t say anything.” “Yes you did.” “No I didn’t” “I’m not going to be your friend any more if you’re friends with her.” “I’m going commando!”

Can this show really be renewed for another season? What do you think?

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E8

Ramona fills the girls in on Sonja's debt crisis

And tonight’s episode is called “Unforgivable Debt,” undoubtedly because Sonja is drowning in a sea of bills she can’t pay, while she continues to live the carefree, luxurious lifestyle of the rich and famous. The only thing she seems to cut corners on are costumes for burlesque shows and Mermaid parades. She should write a book on how to do that, I’d buy it!

So what the hell happens tonight? Sonja has a get together at her “borrowed house” in the Hamptons. Ramona and Aviva are coming over for brunch. Ramona calls to say she can’t come over, she has to rest. Sonja is pissed. Sonja and Aviva sit around the pool. Sonja is looking for Ramona’s support but thinks Ramona is projecting her unhappiness on her. Sonja is hurt. If she doesn’t know the self absorbed Ramona by now, she never will.

Ramona is hanging out with LuAnn and Carole at a Designer’s House event, raising money for breast cancer awareness. LuAnn has developed the skillful art of putting up with Ramona over the years. Ramona throws a plate in the pool. Is it turtle time? Luann says “it’s a designer house not a frat house.” Ramona reveals to the girls that Sonja was going to sell the house, but since she hasn’t, the court has now decided it will sell it for whatever they want. Sonja debts will not be forgiven and Ramona says it’s a sad state of affairs. Sonja is emotionally attached to her house. LuAnn was surprised and not too pleased that Ramona would reveal Sonja’s business to them. Is anyone else surprised? Ramona likes to talk about everyone’s business, but her own. Maybe Sonja should tell us what went on with the Mario affair?

Carole fills in the girls about Sonja's

situation as Ramona sees it

Holla Heather is waiting for Kristen and her son, Cash, to come over. Heather loves her great husband. He takes the kids while Heather, Kristen and Carole have some cheese, crackers and fruit. Carole tells them about the gossip Ramona just revealed regarding Sonja’s financial situation, and how the house is being sold out from under her. Carole thinks Sonja is in denial about it all. Heather doesn’t think that Ramona has Sonja’s back and she shouldn’t be talking about her issues. I think I need to teach a class in Ramona Singer 101. Doesn’t anyone know Ramona’s M.O.? Wasn’t it Heather who coined the term the “Singer Stinger?”

Does she still have some mileage in modeling?

Kristen is looking for a new agent, the old one isn’t getting her any modeling jobs. Her modeling career can’t be over just like that after 25 years, can it? Hmmm. The new agent, obviously lacking any sort of tact and diplomacy, says they are looking for younger women, but maybe she still has some mileage left. Who the hell says that? What is she a used car? He tells her to try secondary markets like Chicago and Milwaukee . . . what an insult. Kristen is disappointed that her career has peaked. Now what will she do? He suggests acting. You don’t suppose he knows she is on RHONY do you? I would have suggested modeling for products targeting middle age women, but what do I know.

Luann gets a headache after trying to figure out

what Sonja is trying to say

Luann and Aviva are at a wine tasting and Ramona and Sonja are supposedly coming, but who knows with their track record of last minute cancellations? Luann finds her wine too pert, and Aviva says it too acidic, like urine. That comment raises the eyebrows of the server! Both Ramona and Sonja show up, how do you like that? Ramona feels Sonja is acting cold towards her. Luann asks Sonja about the sale of the house. Sonja says she doesn’t want to sell any house. Luann asks about the toaster oven. Sonja says her brand is much bigger than a toaster oven . . . whatever that means. No one is getting it. The four of them sit outside. Ramona tells Aviva she made peace with her because of the group. Aviva says is fine with everyone except Carole. Aviva complains that Luann is on the fence and doesn’t take sides, which she wants her to do. Sonja jabs Luann and says she is just a diplomat. Luann thinks Sonja is being nasty to her. Ramona says all Sonja’s business ventures never come to fruition because she is spread too thin. When the others try to get an understanding of Sonja’s business ventures by asking questions, Sonja loses her mind! She starts a rant that sounds like a free association game she is playing with herself. “Don’t you get it! Isn’t anyone listening? This is about my brand! It’s bigger than a  toaster oven! Toaster, place mats, napkins, yellow and white diamonds, shoes, handbags, gloves, skin care . . . Everything.” Okay, okay, we get it. Sonja is taking over the Amazon Market Place.

Heather is going after Spanx but

first things first: Tequila

Heather drops in on Carole with a six pack and tequila. I wish I had a friend who dropped by with tequila. Carole provides the pizza. I notice Carole never cooks, she always has food brought in. Heather discusses her patent infringement lawsuit. Who thought Spanx would want to take a poor girl’s three panel girdle? They get a little tipsy. Carole wants to get rid of her piano. She wants to make changes, refresh the home, and start new. They have a few more shots of tequila, which always helps friends sort things out.

Sonja cleans her toilet and bidet. Ramona pops in (at her own risk) to see her. Ramona has been waiting to have this conversation with Sonja, but Sonja hasn’t said a word. Ramona wants her to start looking for an apartment in case she has to move. Sonja says she has angels on her side. She tells Ramona you have to think positively and stay calm. Sonja says live in the moment not in fear. Ramona just wants her to be prepared. Sonja says she can take care of herself . . . Ramona thinks Sonja has her head in the sand and is avoiding reality. It’s like these two just met for the first time on last night’s episode. Sonja’s head has always been in the sand.

Harry comes over to Aviva’s for dinner because Harrison is going away to sleep away camp. Aviva’s little boy, Hudson, says, “I hate Harry.” He doesn’t like to be tickled. The first thing Harry does is tickle him. I think Hudson had the best line of the night. I’m not crazy about Harry either.

Baby Ben is a no show!

Sonja is meeting Baby Ben for dinner at six. She thinks he will give her support. Once again her head is in the sand. Well, Baby Ben is late . . . why didn’t he pick her up, I wonder to myself? Uh oh, it’s 6:50 PM and no Baby Ben, and no call. She has been stood up. When you have a boyfriend in college that’s bound to happen.

Carole's oven is cooking the books!

Carole has some construction guys over to check out her home, she wants to refresh it. Get rid of the office and make it a walk-in closet. The kitchen will become the office, says Carole . . . a genius idea! She never uses her kitchen anyway. Carole doesn’t cook. She says the only pot she uses is her tea pot. The construction guys have some reservations about this idea. After all, if she ever plans to sell the place , most people will want a kitchen. Carole doesn’t envision selling it, problem solved.

Kristen retaliates for the Pinot!

All the women meet at the spa to relax. Ramona comes prepared with her wine bottle and glass. Kristen is in the hot tub. Sonja hasn’t spoken to Baby Ben in days, maybe he is too young for her? Sonja thinks Ramona did something to stop him from calling. Ramona actually did call someone close to Ben. Ramona keeps saying how young Baby Ben is and says he could be her son, it’s incestuous. Aviva asks if Ramona is being judgmental and a meddler. Someone says Ramona is jealous and Kristen says, “yeah.“ Ramona throws her drink on Kristen for no reason at all. Kristen is appalled. She splashes Ramona, who just had her hair done for a party she is going to later. Ramona is just a little annoyed, almost like she expected it . . . Scripted?

Aging?

Ramona calls Kristen an instigator . . . Sonja yells at Ramona for taking Baby Ben away from her and throwing Pinot on Kristen. “Did Ramona miss that memo 65 years ago about no hitting?” asks Kristen. You know, now that Kristen mentions it, Ramona is looking like she aged a bit since last season. Either that, or her trip to Africa, Mario’s affair and Avery’s going to college, all took their toll on her. So far these 8 episodes have taken a toll on me!

P.S. I just wanted to point out that Aviva managed to get through an episode unscathed while Ramona is replacing her as the thorn in everyone’s side. I prefer it this way. I find Ramona much better at being annoying. I think she has had more practice!

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives Of New York: What the Hell Moments, S6 E6

“Unhappy Anniversary” is the title of episode six . . . but who’s anniversary? It seems Jonathan and Heather are having an party for their 10th anniversary, but some of Heather’s “friends” are boycotting . . . shall we guess who? Hopefully, no one will be discussing books and ghosts in this episode.

I just came back from Africa and saw 

a lion humping another lion twice!

Ramona is back from Africa and looking a little haggard for the wear. Heather is having an event for her charity with Karen Karch, a designer who is making jewelry designs of “organ parts.” Yes you read right, hearts, kidneys and eyes. Heather corners Ramona and fills her in on Aviva’s behavior, but Ramona, whose head has marinated in Pinot Grigio for years,  doesn’t think that it’s nice of Heather to exclude Aviva. Ramona talks about her trip to Africa, the highlight apparently being that she saw one lion humping another lion twice. Luann steals the best line of the night, “shouldn’t what happens in Africa stay in Africa?” Always late to the party, Sonja, finally shows up. Sonja thinks Aviva should be invited to Heather‘s anniversary party too. Heather thinks Ramona should give Heather time to process their request since both she and Sonja were not happy with Aviva for a year. Remember they wanted to get a hotel room on vacation so they wouldn’t have to see Aviva and Reid?  Heather really doesn’t want to invite Aviva to her anniversary party.

Heather, Carole and Kristen chat it up. Heather says she isn’t mad at Aviva, she just doesn’t like her behavior.

Suddenly Aviva’s new best friends are Ramona and Sonja.  Ramona hasn’t even been around for most of the feuding, but she has chosen sides. They are all out shopping. Ramona feels peaceful after her lion humping experience, and wants to spread it around. Humping lions will create an aura of calmness in a person . . . it‘s common knowledge. Ramona calls Heather from the store and tells her she wants everyone to get along. Heather doesn’t understand how Sonja and Ramona are Aviva’s bff’s all of a sudden after a year of ranting and raving about her. Heather is badgered into meeting with Aviva and as she agrees, Aviva says she is afraid of her. Heather is only too happy to tell Aviva what bugs her about her behavior.

There’s a caviar tasting…Carole and Kristen are there meeting Heather’s husband, Jonathan. He is getting caviar for her for their anniversary and he invited her friends there to try it and help him decide on which one to get. Why is the waiter wearing a plaid shirt at a very fancy caviar tasting? I’ll never understand the posh lifestyle. They taste the caviar and give their opinions . . . the first one is best. Twenty-five people are coming to the party, Aviva is not invited as far as Jonathan knows.

It all goes downhill from here!

Heather and Aviva meet for wine. They start off on a cordial note, but don‘t get used to it, they hate each other's guts. They set some ground rules: no yelling, no cursing, no name calling. The cordialness wears off fast as Aviva confronts Heather about verbally raping her. Heather explains to Aviva that the things she says about people are vile, like Sonja is on a downward spiral like Anna Nicole Smith, that’s not a compliment Aviva! Heather says Aviva is “f*cking dramatic” and Aviva immediately wants an apology. Heather used the “F” word! But Aviva has been hanging around with none other than Renee Graziano, of Mob Wives, and I happen to know that Renee holds the record for most “F” bombs in an episode. What’s the big f*cking deal Aviva?  Heather says Aviva has no respect for people who have careers.  They finally agree they don’t like each other. Duh. Oh no she didn’t! What the hell did I just hear? Aviva asks if Carole and Heather are lovers because of how she defends her? No apology is forthcoming on either side, the ground rules are out the window. Heather says, “let me ask you a question, do you give a shit about me?” Aviva thinks a minute and says yes. Heather thinks Aviva is insanely jealous of her friendship with Carole. I don’t think so, I think it’s a matter of choosing sides for the season’s battles. Aviva says when it comes to me and Carole can we agree you are not impartial? Heather agrees. Heather brings up her anniversary party and says she wants to talk to Jonathan about it inviting her and Reid to join them. Aviva agrees, she should talk to Jonathan. What the hell just happened? I feel like some big piece of the puzzle was cut out…nice job editing department.

You are f*cking dramatic and I'm sick of it.

But, I might invite you to my anniversary party.

Hmmm what have we here . . . Kristen and Carole are at a restaurant and in come Yolanda and Brandy of the RHOBH. Brandy tells a stupid Elvis story about Kristen making out with “him” in Vegas. Carole is relieved not to have to be talking to or about Aviva for a change. They talk about each other’s sex lives. Carole just broke up with Russ, Kristen’s sex life is good. And Yolanda’s wearing white pants . . . I have it on good authority, from a fashionista, that she wears those boring pants everywhere! Where is the makeover man, Tim Gunn, when you need him? Why was this scene even included? Don’t we have enough or our own wives without borrowing a couple from another franchise! What the hell is Andy thinking? Maybe he is drinking too much Pinot?

Aviva tells Ramona and Sonja that she ended on a good note with Heather. They are happy to hear it. But, Aviva tells them she isn’t invited to the party. The incredulous looks on Ramona and Sonja’s faces are priceless. Aviva explains that Heather texted her to tell her there was a lot of water under the bridge and she wants to leave the water under the bridge for now, it’s too soon to have her at the anniversary party. Sonja and Ramona aren’t down with this. Their delicate feathers get ruffled. Who does Heather think she is to disrespect their new bff like that? There is only one thing for them to do! Sonja isn’t going to the party, and Ramona isn’t going either. Why is Heather making Carole’s battle her battle. They don’t get it, they are shocked. Now the three bff’s aren’t going. I want to know why the hell Ramona and Sonja are making Aviva’s battle their battle? Now that’s a better question.

Kristen and her husband argue over who cares about what, before going into the party. Luann gets a text from Ramona and Sonja saying they aren’t coming to the party and now she is stuck telling Heather. An hour and a half into the party, Heather asks where are Sonja and Ramona . . . here’s Luann’s cue to explain that they are boycotting the party because Aviva wasn‘t invited. Heather says it’s rude to RSVP and then not show up. Heather says it was too much too soon for her to have had Aviva over. The other ladies agree that the drunken duo did not do the right thing. Heather says Ramona is the shit stirrer. Heather never liked Ramona and should have trusted her gut instinct when she met her. “Who’s to blame for all this? It’s that Stinger Singer!” says Heather. Heather doesn’t need them there anyway. Heather makes a nice little speech to her adoring husband. He hands Heather a tote bag full of caviar! Heather is thrilled with her treat . . . Jonathan will get his later.

Picture Credit: Bravo

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6E5

Clearly Carole is Queen and her costume is stunning!

The others are as tacky as can be!

“Everybody Thinks We’re Drag Queens,” is the title of this episode. Why? Because Carole, LuAnn, Sonja and Kristen attend a parade on the boardwalk of Coney Island in Mermaid costumes, but it is all for a good cause.

First Amanda is threatening to deck Heather!

But, when Heather calls her bluff...

She gets in Carole's face...

Carole quips, "I don't even know you Mindy!"

Meanwhile, “Ghostwriter-Gate” lives for another episode! Are we milking this “What The Hell Moment” or what? We continue where we left off, at Luann’s house in the Hamptons, with a showdown between the annoying image consultant, Amanda and Heather. No one seems to know Amanda, or as Carole likes to call her “Mindy,” except for Aviva and yet the two rarely speak to each other. Amanda wants to deck Heather, but when Heather calls her bluff she wanders off to go annoy Carole, who is still trying to have it out with Aviva. Amanda gets in Carole’s face, and an irritated Carole says, “I don’t even know you Mindy.” Heather comes to Carole’s rescue and tries to get rid of Amanda by telling her to leave. Then Heather asks Luann to tell Amanda to leave. Meanwhile Amanda continues to harass Carole…until Luann, using her most royal Marie Antoinette “Let them eat cake” flair, pulls her away and convinces her to have some cake. Carole and Aviva continue to battle the Ghostwriter-Gate. Aviva wants more support from her. Heather doesn’t like Aviva, and says she manipulative and dangerous and f*cks with people’s careers. Heather gets in Aviva’s face. Heather calls Aviva a liar, slanderer and a character assassinator. The chivalrous Reid gets angry, no one talks to his wife this way! He says he was there when three people told Aviva that Carole had a Ghost-Writer. Reid doesn’t like Carole or Heather attacking his wife. No sir! Sonja tries to defend Aviva. She seems to say that Aviva didn’t write a novel after all, she wrote a memoir and that doesn’t take much talent. Eight minutes of nonstop squabbling and I have a headache. Heather tells Aviva off one more time on her way out the door…and at one point says, “Don’t tell me anything you Mother F*cker!” All of a sudden Heather has a “street” reputation with the girls because she used the “F“ bomb a couple of times. Maybe Heather could cross-over to Mob Wives?

Heather drops an "F" bomb with the best of them!

Sonja has a brunch and flirts with Harry because she can’t stand his current girlfriend. Heather and Carole can’t make it, so Aviva catches a break. Sonja is very sympathetic to Aviva’s plight with her issues with the girls. Then Sonja loses a tooth. Luann is not impressed with the denture adhesive talk. I would leave this out but frankly, a toothless Sonja makes me laugh.

Finally we get to the big event, the Mermaid parade on Coney Island! Carole is the Queen! She will lead the parade. The parade is to raise money for the community for the losses it suffered during storm Sandy.  The girls, Carole, Kristen, Heather and Luann are at a costume store. They all need mermaid costumes. They chat about the fight between Carole and Aviva while trying on costumes. I mean who can get enough of this fight?

Later, Carole and Kristen meet to get made up for the parade and Carole brings in a custom made costume. After all she is the Queen. Sonja has a friend who will literally throw something together for her. Why do I have a feeling that Sonja will show up as a burlesque Mermaid? Sonja has a red wig and lord knows what else she will be wearing.

The parade! Carole loves being part of the parade, Kristen and Luann end up on the wrong float. Instead of going to the float with high school teens, they decide to hop on the float with drag queens, so they will fit right in. Sonja broke another tooth. I am nicknaming Sonia “Snaggletooth” for this season. Bravo please send her to the dentist! Sonja’s homemade costume is falling apart. They announce “Karen” (Carole) as queen of the parade. Someone couldn’t get their one line straight! I have to say, much to my surprise, Carole’s gold shimmering costume was stunning and she wore it well, all the others were tacky. Can Bravo please help Sonia finance real costumes for burlesque shows, parades, and all other events? If you can’t afford to buy her one, please rent one.

The "machine" from the accident

Aviva gets an email from the Becky, the girl who still lives at the farm where Aviva lost her leg when she was six. Becky seems to be carrying a burden all these years concerning the accident, but hasn’t kept in touch with Aviva for 35 years. Reid and Aviva plan a drive up to the farm. Apparently a chauffeur is driving them up there so they can chat for three and a half hours about the accident, how exhausting. Aviva tells Reid the story on the ride up, like he hasn’t heard it a thousand times before and again when he helped her with her book. Aviva meets Becky. Reid graciously disappears to go work on the internet while the girls catch up. Aviva senses Becky has been feeling bad all these 35 years. Aviva tells Becky that she saved her life, she turned off the machine. Becky feels guilty because they were playing together. Aviva asks to see the machine that took her leg. We get a close up view and explanation of exactly how the accident happened. Aviva wants to turn it on to face her fears. Aviva thanks Becky for her cathartic experience. I think this would have been a great storyline to spend more time on…especially the catching up part. Oh well.

After thoughts:
I have to say, Aviva always seems much more likable when she isn’t around the other women and producers of the show. I can’t wait to read Carole’s blog, it’s always better than the show! Carole looks great in red hair. Heather can always start a bodyguard guard company if YummyTummy fails. I don't miss Ramona, but if they get rid of Amanda, I would welcome her back with open arms. Sonja needs to stop being so cheap when it comes to her teeth and costumes. Kristen seems lost in a corn maze, never knowing what the hell is going on. Luann is so low key she is actually likable!

Real Housewives of New York: The Ghostwriter-Gate Liar?

Did you hire a writer? 

No, I didn't...

Did you write it yourself?

No, I didn't...

You decide…but it’s a no brainer.

On the show Aviva and Carole’s conversation:

Carole: Did you end up hiring a writer?
Aviva: I didn’t.
Carole: (appearing a little surprised) So no one’s ghosting it?
Aviva: No. It was like writing an email…

Then Aviva’s Blog posted same night as show:

“OK, I will once and for all, answer Carole’s burning question, "Did I write Leggy Blonde all by myself?" All by myself? No way. I wrote the initial draft then continued working on it with my own superb team, and I don’t think I could have written the book without them -- certainly it wouldn't be the same. I didn't thank them on the title page; I did in the Acknowledgements but still, regrettably, probably left out a couple of dozen. I admire Carole for doing her book all by herself; it’s a huge task. It was for me anyway.”

Now let’s see what Carole said on the show:

Aviva: You wrote a lot of essays. Right, right. Did you ghost your books?
Carole: (seemingly stunned) Are you kidding me? No, I mean I’m a writer, I don’t know.
Aviva: You didn’t?
Carole: No I didn’t.
Aviva: So even though What Remains was your first book, you did it yourself, right?
Carole: I did it myself. I’m a writer, that’s what I do for 20 years. I thought you knew that.

Carole’s Blog posted the same night as the show:

"1. Aviva Says: Bill Whitworth ghostwrites my books.
The Truth: Bill Whitworth is a real person, and an editor. He's not a writer and he's not a ghostwriter -- not mine or anyone else's. He's retired now, after a long and distinguished career, but still considered one of the best and most respected editors in the business. Bill makes a cameo on the show!

2. Aviva Says: Her "Publishing House" passed on my novel.
The Truth: They didn't pass, they made an offer. They were one of six publishers who bid on it, but they lost in a heated auction.

3. Aviva Says: Her "Publishing House" told her I hired a ghostwriter.
The Truth: Houses can't talk. Aviva hired a ghostwriter. I have a professional relationship with her "Publishing House" and no one there told her my books are ghostwritten. No one wants to talk to Aviva about anything – surprise, surprise."

Carole went on WWHL the same night as the show and once again she addressed all Aviva's lies with the facts. She has never used a ghostwriter. The mere thought of it is insulting.

So who was lying on the show? It’s clear even to the village idiot. It’s Aviva. She comes clean herself in the blog. Carole shouldn’t have to try to defend herself and her career against absurd allegations and lies. It constitutes slander. Maybe that’s why Aviva was very low key the day after the show and just retweeted the occasional tweets of support she got? Guilty conscience?

I really dislike liars. Carole’s Blog goes into much more detail about all the circumstances surrounding the lunch conversation and what preceded it. Maybe Aviva’s memory is faltering even at age 44? In any case, if this is going to come up again in future episodes, I like to be clear and have all the little pieces of the puzzle in place.

I encourage you to read Carole’s wonderful blog, she does a much better job than I ever could of setting the record straight.

Real Housewives Of New York: What The Hell Moments, Ep 602

Do you know the difference between shopping 

around and bidding war?

“Give Up The Ghostwriter” is the title of this episode. Aviva and Carole are at the center of all the drama this week. As you probably know, Carole released her new novel, The Widow’s Guide to Sex and Dating, while Aviva released her new memoir, “Leggy Blonde.” The subject of “ghostwriters” comes up when the two authors meet for lunch. It’s the one BIG What The Hell Moment that keeps on giving! But where did this “ghostwriter” phantom come from? What the hell was Aviva thinking?

A less than enthusiastic Carole says, “Aviva had been calling me to get me to help her with her book. I finally said we’ll have lunch and hopefully I’ll give her some advice and then we’ll move on.” Wishful thinking?

(A little small talk/banter as Aviva sits down and immediately says “you kicked me in my good leg” as she laughs. Then she tells Carole she has 15 hot men in her apartment because she is moving…they are all gorgeous and all straight and she wishes they were at her apartment right now. So is she implying maybe (Princess) Carole could have her pick of moving men? Aviva suggests they order pasta as she pulls out her new reading glasses…the closest thing she could find to Carole’s reading glasses. Carole finds this off putting and stalkerish. She is creeped out. After all, there are plenty of designer glasses in the sea…go get your own “look.”) 

Get your own f*cking glasses and get your facts straight!

Now we get to the heart of the conversation! Aviva explains she has been writing a book, a memoir, and it’s been fun. It almost sounds like she is giving Carole an update and not really looking for any help.  Aviva says writing a memoir is not like writing a novel, she is writing in her own voice and telling her life story. Piece of cake.

Aviva: And now it’s being edited.
Carole: I edited every single word in The Widow’s Guide…I tell them anything over two letters you can call me.
Aviva: Basically what she would do is make a change and I would either accept it or not accept it…they’re mostly grammatical…
Carole: How does it work, do you talk into a tape recorder?
Aviva: No, I wrote, I just wrote…
Carole: Did you end up hiring a writer?
Aviva: I didn’t.
Carole: (appearing a little surprised) So no one’s ghosting it?
Aviva: No. It was like writing an email…

Time out. Carole was the first one to bring up “ghostwriter,” but I got the sense, from this brief exchange, that Aviva may have lead Carole to believe that she was thinking of using a writer in previous conversations, it’s hard to tell. Except when the conversation continues, the impression I got becomes clearer…Carole must have understood, at some point, Aviva considered hiring a writer.

(Carole, in the confessional, says writing is her profession, it’s something she cares about deeply, it’s not like writing a long emails, so what Aviva is saying undermines those writers who have spent year after year honing the craft.)

Carole: I thought you were going to hire someone.
Aviva: No. no, remember the essay I wrote to Chicken Soup for the Soul?
Carole: That’s not really a book, that’s a letter.
Aviva: Wasn’t your first book, “What Remains?”
Carole: I was a journalist for 15 years before writing that.
Aviva: You wrote a lot of essays. Right, right. Did you ghost your books?
Carole: (seemingly stunned) Are you kidding me? No, I mean I’m a writer, I don’t know.
Aviva: You didn’t?
Carole: No I didn’t.
Aviva: So even though What Remains was your first book, you did it yourself, right?
Carole: I did it myself. I’m a writer, that’s what I do for 20 years. I thought you knew that.

Hell no, was I just insulted?

(Carole in the confessional confused about Aviva’s agenda. Is she implying Carole hired a ghostwriter to write her first book? That’s “awful and awkward and bizarre.”)

They get the check and leave. Now the two ladies must go off and tell someone about this lunch exchange, neither left happy. Aviva confides in Ramona, of all people.

Aviva says she had this “very disturbing” lunch with Carole. I didn’t find it disturbing, did you? Aviva explains that Carole has written one book and she was looking to her for some “guidance,” and she felt “one-upped and put down.” “Out of the gate she was like, ‘so you have a ghostwriter, right?’” She figured it was my first book, my first memoir. “So I said to her, when you wrote your first memoir, which was one book ago, did you have a ghostwriter?” And she says, “No, I’m a writer. She had this sort of attitude like, ‘I’m the writer,’ while being condescending. And then here comes the “dirt” Aviva didn’t mention to Carole , but saved for Ramona. Aviva alleges that “Carole shopped her novel at her publishing house and they passed because what she handed in needed to be overhauled; they needed at least eight months to have it completely reworked.” Then Aviva mentions the name of the “mystery ghostwriter” of Carole’s first book, as it was told to her, Bill Whitworth. Let’s ask Bill?

At the same time Carole meets Heather and Kristen in the park to unload her indigestion. She asks them, “Did you ever have a feeling, when you are having lunch with a friend, that you are being insulted? She shares she was talking about books with Aviva and telling her of her experiences and suddenly found herself having to defend her 20 year writing career. Not only that, Carole feels that Aviva has delusions of being a writer because she wrote a book in a hot minute. Then she tells them how Aviva said Carole hadn’t written a book before What Remains, and asked her if she hired a ghostwriter. Heather is stunned beyond disbelief. Carole says she was taken aback, not knowing if she was being insulted. Heather says, Carole is the person people would want to hire as a ghostwriter. Carole feels Aviva has questioned her integrity and credibility and her 20 year long career.

At the end of the show Carole  attends Aviva’s house warming out of friendship, but hears from the other wives that Aviva is running her mouth with more ghostwriter talk. Carole needs to talk to Aviva and takes her upstairs to confront her about the lies she is spreading about her. Heather and Ramona both told Carole that Aviva is talking about her career. Carole tells Aviva there is no competition, she is happy for her, but there is no comparison concerning her career as a writer. A shouting match ensues.

Aviva tells her word on the street is Carole used a Ghostwriter and Carole tells her she doesn’t know what she is talking about. Carole says Aviva went through three writers. Her own publishing company doesn’t want to work with her because she is so difficult. Carole says she is a liar and a phoney. Aviva says she shopped her book, Carole said there was a bidding war and Aviva‘s publishing company lost. Carole ends up calling her a psychopath with no soul.

*******

WWHL…I stayed up past my normal bedtime to hear what Carole had to say about the show. Carole was quite upset in the show and understandably so. I hate when people lie about me, and here Aviva was doing it  to Carole on national television about her career. I am sure she was dying to clarify everything that was said, and I for one wanted very much to hear it. Carole unequivocally denies ever having a ghostwriter, period. She writes every word, every revision, everything with her name on it. She says Aviva had three writers helping her and, out of respect for them, she will not name them. One in particular is well known and has helped several reality wives with their books. Carole explains, when you are a new writer, it is customary in the industry to have some help. When she asked Aviva about her “ghostwriter,” she was taken aback when she said she didn’t have one. Carole knew otherwise.  Carole says Bill Whitworth was not her “ghostwriter” and she had even spoken to him yesterday. As for shopping her book around, Carole says this is also a total lie. There was a bidding war between six companies for the rights to Carole’s book and Aviva’s company lost. I found Carole to be sincere and glad to clear the air about everything Aviva said on the show. I believed Carole before, but after WWHL, there can be no doubt she is the one telling the truth. Aviva hit below the belt and it seems to me Carole may have cause to sue her because I think a good case for slander could be made here. There are many out there who unfortunately will believe Aviva and that could hurt Carole’s book sales.

I have stated before, I am a fan of the NEW wives, but when they are at odds with each other, may the best wife win. In this case, the best wife is Carole and her backup, “Holla” Heather. The truth always prevails in “my book.”

I'm not wild about Harry

The rest of the show…what happened between the first and last scene…was totally worthless. However I will say this about Harry and Sonja…I don’t get it…what does he have? A big wallet? A big ego? A big c*ck (Carole‘s words, not mine)? Nothing he has would be big enough to win me over. Enough said.

Real Housewives Of New York: Searching for Carole‘s “Ghostwriter” Ep 602

Oh, I think I found Carole's Ghostwriter!

(Click on picture to enlarge)

The second episode of RHONY is titled “Give up The Ghostwriter.” Apparently, as far back as July, 2013, the word on the internet is that Aviva has been allegedly trying to find out who is Carole Radziwill’s “Ghostwriter” for her new book, The Widow’s Guide to Sex and Dating.” It’s true. It was being reported in the newspapers, if you can believe what you read in them any more these days. I prefer to get my news from blogs. Anyway, the preview of this episode shows the girls discussing Aviva’s insulting question to Carole about her “ghostwriter.” And then, before you know it, the whole issue took on a new dimension on twitter, with a little back and forth banter between Aviva and Carole. I can’t wait to see the episode to see exactly how the whole thing goes down. If it’s true, Carole is quite indignant, and rightly so. I’m not sure why Aviva would even think Carole would jeopardize her integrity and credibility?

Even the ghostwriter is confused!

Frankly, the whole idea is preposterous. When you look at Carole’s career accomplishments, as a journalist for over 25 years and the fact that she was on the New York Times best seller’s list with her first book, I don’t know how anyone can suggest she needed, wanted, or even considered using a “ghostwriter” for her book. When I read Carole’s blogs on Bravo, they are detailed and witty and her “voice” clearly comes through in every piece. I will sometimes glance at the other blogs just to see what the other wives have to say about the show and there is no comparison. None. In fact, Carole could publish her all her blogs tomorrow with a few juicy insider stories about her experience and it would fly off the shelves. Also, I cannot for the life of me see Carole putting her name on anything she did not have total creative control over.

I expect to get more than a few laughs and "What The Hell Moments" from tomorrow night's episode! Tune in at 9 ET for episode 2 of RHONY..."Give Up the Ghostwriter."

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments, Ep 601

Meet "Baby" Ben and Kristen

If you are looking forward to reading WTH Moments…STOP now…there were none.

If you missed the show, and want to save an hour of your life CONTINUE…

The title of the premiere episode of season six is, “If You Can Make It Here.” It should have been called, “If You Can Stay Awake.” The whole episode involved some carried- over hard feelings from last season and an introduction to Kristen, “the model wife.”

Everyone seems to be harboring some ill will towards Aviva. Carole tells Heather she has been distancing herself from Aviva and her craziness. Heather seems inclined to agree. Ramona tells Sonja she ran into Aviva and Reed at a charity event and didn’t bother talking to them. Sonja seems sympathetic. Why is everyone against Aviva right from the start? She had her moments, but at least she wasn’t naked and drunk all of season 5.

Heather’s Birthday Party is the big event. Sonja is dating “Baby” Ben and tells Ramona not to discuss age. Age is just a number says Sonja, and Sonja’s number is about 50. Eventually someone leaks the boy’s age. “Baby” Ben is 23.  I guess that could be a WTH moment. After all, what young man would want to date someone who could clearly be his mother? I’d freak out over it right now, except I think this is scripted so we will raised our eyebrows. “Baby” Ben was probably promoted to “date status” from the intern pool. Heather and Carole are still BFF’s. The new wife, Kristen, is a real model. She struts around the party and introduces herself to “Baby” Ben. Sonja is suddenly “jealous.” Kristen is a knockout according to “Baby” Ben. So “Baby” Ben IS attracted to young women…I thought he had an age fetish. Kristen’s husband, Josh, used to work with Heather. That must be how Andy found Kristen for the show.

Aviva and Reed are headed over to Heather’s, and Aviva is concerned about how Ramona will react when she sees her, since they didn’t part on good terms. Kristen, who is trying to size everyone up, says Ramona and Sonja remind her of  “crazy drunk aunts.” Kristen’s first impression is on the money. Wait till she sees them naked too. Kristen and Aviva meet briefly. Carole still wants to keep a friendly distance with Aviva. Aviva talks to Sonja about Harry, but Sonja has “Baby” Ben right there and isn‘t thrilled. Aviva tells Sonja she wants to patch things up with Ramona. Carole decides to go over to say hello to Aviva. Aviva, excited about her new book, wants Carole’s advice with the memoir she is writing.  Carole finds that off putting because Aviva barely said hello before asking her for help. Kristen seems to get along well with Carole. Aviva sees an opportunity to go over and talk to Ramona. Aviva asks for a hug, Ramona isn’t ready for it. Aviva tries to mend fences in her own way. Ramona says she found Aviva insincere so maybe she can accept her apology, but cannot accept her as a person. Ramona wants no part of her, but Aviva doesn’t get it. Ramona says she can’t trust her and wants her to show her “the real Aviva.” Aviva kind of gives up for the moment, and walks away without ruffling Ramona‘s feathers.

Later, Aviva calls Ramona. She wants to meet for cocktails, one on one, but Ramona has reservations. Ramona says she doesn’t know how to be a faker…she tells Aviva she wants to think about it. Aviva says okay and doesn‘t push her.

Ding Dong, Can someone answer the door?

Sonja has the girls over for tea. While she puts on her makeup none of her dozen interns is answering the door. First Ramona arrives and when there is no answer, she walks right in. Then Kristen arrives and politely waits for someone to let her in, which takes some time. Ramona notices holes in Sonja’s carpet…apparently the rug in Sonja’s house is older than her “boyfriend.” Kristen, still in the observation stage, can’t figure out their (Ramona & Sonja) friendship. I guess new wives don’t bother to watch previous seasons of the show before throwing themselves into the lion’s den? Ramona tells everyone about Aviva’s phone call. Kristen is not impressed with their behavior. Next, they start telling her Aviva’s life story. Kristen looks confused. She says if this is how they act towards friends, she doesn’t want to be their enemy. Smart cookie! Suddenly, Sonja thinks Ramona should meet with Aviva. Sonja says she has let go of the past. Kristen says she thinks Aviva is really trying to make amends. Ramona can forgive, but not forget. Everyone wants her to make up with Aviva. Reluctantly, Ramona goes along with it because if the “girls” think it’s a good idea then why not?

Ramona meets Aviva for drinks. Aviva tells her she looks amazing. She rambles a bit about Ramona’s hair looking “whiter” and very nice. The compliments are working. Ramona says Aviva is a “charmer.” Aviva suggests they have a shot of tequila. No argument from Ramona. They cheers and drink up. Aviva didn’t think the shot was a big deal. Aviva doesn’t like to drink, but if it will make Ramona happy, she will do it. Aviva knows the way to Ramona’s heart. Ramona wants to know why is Aviva just now interested in making up? Aviva explains that she feels she overreacted when she thought Reed was being attacked on the girls’ vacation. Ramona admits she is enjoying herself with Aviva. Ramona calls her a freakin’ witch and Aviva good humouredly toasts to Aviva the witch.

Sorry, that’s the best  could do with the lack of drama this week. If I hadn’t taken to time to write a few notes, not sure I would have remembered anything this morning. I think I would have enjoyed watching the trailer 12 times, instead of episode 1. Let’s see where this goes next week.

If you missed it or want to rewatch the premiere, here is the link: RHONY Premiere

Real Housewives of New York: To Blog or NOT To Blog…

Heather says to Aviva, "Don't tell me anything Mother F*cker!"

Aviva answers, "Did you learn that in prison?"

…that is the question. Tonight is the premiere of the RHONY and I have decided, after seeing the trailer for season 6, to try and blog the show from the start. I see there is a lot of drama previewed and drama leads to the “What The Hell Moments” that I love to poke fun at. For example, who hasn’t seen Aviva’s leg laying out on the floor and then wondered how the hell did it get there?

Aviva's Leg all decked out in her Jimmy Choo shoe!

Now don’t look for a serious, full time following of the RHONY, because I am not going to be following their every move on and off the set. For full-time blogging of the Real Housewives franchise you will need to go to another blog, my first choice being Stoopidhousewives, she leaves no stone unturned.

Having said all that, I am going to recap season 5 from memory, so don’t count on much. You should know I tend to favor the “new” wives because I am a new viewer and they appeal to me more than the “old” blood. Where did we leave off? Carole was the level headed, calm wife who agreed to do the show probably in hopes of it helping promote her new book, “The Widow’s Guide To Sex and Dating.” She spent a lot of her airtime trying to diffuse emotional situations that came up all season. My favorite line of hers was about LuAnn, when she described her as having a case of “Royal Tourette’s Syndrome.” LuAnn was so in love with Jacques that they were trying to have a baby. That must be the new trend for 50 something wives, to have midlife crises and want babies? However, I don’t think she and Jacques are a couple any more, so maybe she will have her chance with the “Johnny Depp” pirate now? Heather, the serious business woman, had her patience tested by Sonja, when she offered her help in branding and marketing her “toaster oven.” What the hell is a toaster oven? It was an appliance that Wilma Flintstone used once upon a time. Sonja was very demanding and ungrateful, causing Heather to have a little meltdown (and I don’t blame her) for making her waste time. Sonja…what can I say about her? To say I hate her burlesque performances would be an understatement. I think they make her look totally ridiculous, but that may be the look she is going for. On top of that, I find it hard to watch her drink and get naked every chance she gets. It seems like a pathetic way to get attention and assure herself a slot in next season’s cast. Now as for Aviva, I started out making plenty of jokes about her because she said she didn’t want the focus to be on her prosthetic leg and yet she told the story of her childhood accident to anyone who would listen. The leg took on a life of it’s own, and I started to think of it as another cast member because it got so much airtime. I look forward to her leg’s debut this season since it seems to have put it’s best foot forward. Aviva also has a new book that her leg can help her promote, appropriately called, “Leggy Blonde.”  Ramona, Ramona, Ramona…my least favorite NY housewife, is a drama queen. She creates hysteria at a moments notice. Remember when Aviva wanted to go in the pool and Ramona made a huge fuss over Aviva’s leg getting wet? I can do without the Pinot, the slurred words, the cuddling with Sonja…in my opinion, she is the most ridiculous one in the cast and seems to want to top herself every season. I hear she has a new red wine out, maybe we’ll hear more about that this season? Oh, and maybe there will be some Mario drama since he allegedly stepped out on their marriage and supposedly fathered a child with a younger woman? Now that’s a storyline!

This season we have a new addition to the cast, Kristen Taekman, a model and business woman. I don’t know anything about her at this point except she does look beautiful.

If you watch the trailer for season 6 it appears that there is plenty of drama, some unexpected outbursts, and they are throwing the word “liar” around an awful lot.  Looks like Andy is turning up the heat for ratings! Check it out.

Picture and Video Credit Bravo

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Real Housewives of New York: Reunion Part 2 S5 E20

LuAnn: "Ramona, YOU are no angel, okay! and 

Carole, you never miss an opportunity to knock me down!"

First of all, this was a very lackluster part two reunion. There was more rehashing and just a couple of short, spicy moments, but over all it was dull. They should have just added thirty minutes to last week’s show and called it a season. The best I can describe it is what the hell was the big deal about this reunion?

They begin with the LuAnn and Tomas storyline, which they obviously saved for this week. Jacques declined to be at the reunion, or so Andy says. Somehow I find it hard to believe anything Andy says, is it just me? Everyone knows LuAnn came home late with Tomas, but she and Jacques are still together. Tomas simply gave her a ride to the house and LuAnn lied to Ramona because she felt Ramona would blow it out of proportion. Ya think? Ramona is always looking for scandals  EXCEPT in her own backyard! Ramona says LuAnn loves her men, LuAnn says you are no miss goody two shoes. I wish LuAnn would have elaborated on that. Then, Carole adds, being a mother is a good reason not to bring a pirate home. LuAnn jumps down her throat saying, “you never miss an opportunity to knock me down.” The truth hurts. LuAnn really does not like Carole. Frankly, Carole is right, as usual, but my biggest complaint is we never hear enough from Carole! Can’t wait for Carole’s book to come out about her blogs and observations this season!

Carole: "Maybe a good mother doesn't bring pirates home? That's all I'm saying."

Sonya needs to act her age and have a little self respect. On the show Andy calls it, Sonya turned up the heat on sexy. A viewer says, “money can buy you ass,” referring to Tomas, LuAnn’s sloppy seconds. Sonya also hit on the house staff, was that appropriate? She calls it flirting. I call it desperate. Aviva gets the heat for criticizing Sonja and Ramona’s sleeping arrangements. Yet even Andy and I are finding their behavior a little too “gay.”  Maybe they have some latent tendencies that make them have to sleep together and swim naked together? I don’t know.

George behaves inappropriately. Aviva is called low class by a viewer, for pimping her friends out to her lecherous father. Aviva says low class to her means how you treat other people. Carole is asked if George is breaking any of the widow’s rules of dating in her book? Carole answers, he is breaking all the rules. Aviva says she can’t control him and she has to accept him.  What’s a loving daughter to do? By the way, do you think it was Aviva’s idea to have George on the show or Andy’s? My vote goes to the master manipulator, Andy! Bravo for seeing the potential for high drama in George, Andy!

Toaster Oven Gate. “Most famous toaster we’ve never seen.” Heather was upset and frustrated yet again last night. Sonja says the toaster oven isn’t out because it’s part of a whole collection. Fine. But, Heather and Sonja are still arguing over the sexy “J.” Sonja says she just wanted a white box with her name on it. WOW! Then she whips out a bunch of fan designed logos to show Heather. Again with the logos! Sonja wanted the sexy “J.” Heather already felt unappreciated for all her work and now Sonja is showing her sketches from a viewer. Even Andy looked taken aback. Heather did a lot of gratuitous work on her branding, and she finally says to Sonja “you wouldn’t know hard work if it bit you in the ass.” Heather does not want to work with her professionally ever again. What a surprise! 

Holla Heather: "You wouldn't know hard work if it bit you in the ass!  HOLLA!"

Aviva vs. Ramona…Reid vs. Alcohol. She said the Miami experience was eye opening. That was when Aviva first started getting disillusioned with Ramona. Ramona yells out, “your father called me trailer turd.” Aviva can’t control what comes out of George’s mouth any more than Pinot can control what comes out of Ramona’s mouth. Apparently, George has been claiming he gave thousands in the checks he delivered to her charity, but only gave $500. Aviva felt betrayed and sabotaged at St. Barth’s. All this is rehashed yet again. She was invited there with everyone knowing Reid was coming too, only to be told by some pot stirring producer that Ramona said it would change the dynamics of the trip and Reid should go to a hotel! Now what rational person would not be extremely offended by that? The bottom line is Aviva is dependent on Reid as Ramona is dependent on Pinot.

Aviva: "I'm sorry, a lot of that anger were based on my mother's issues with alcohol"

Ramona needs rehab? Aviva is asked if she really believes that Ramona needs Dr. Drew and she says no, they just party hard. Aviva explains that she is sensitive to over drinking because her mother died of alcoholism. When she was angry with them, part of that anger is from how she feels towards her own mother for dying so young from something that was avoidable.  Aviva apologizes for that, they have every right to party on vacation. 

Ramona: Don't go there Andy!

But then Andy wants to pursue Ramona’s drinking a little more. He brings up that last season Kelly accused Ramona of being an alcoholic. Then he wants to know from Heather and Carole if they think Ramona drinks too much or has a problem. An unusually calm and restrained Ramona nearly explodes at Andy! How dare he keep bringing this up! She isn’t tolerating it. I think she totally scared Heather and Carole, because they both started saying, “no, she has no problem with Pinot.”

Ramona: "We're not done yet? No one told me."

They touch on a few more little topics and then a wide-eyed Ramona gets up and is ready to leave while still filming is still going on. Somehow she thought they were done. Even if she thought so, I don’t know what was her rush to take flight off the set?  But they manage to convince her they were still filming, so she finally sat back down. I thought after five years she was a "pro" at this reality tv business? Maybe she had a little too much to drink during the last break? Oh well, there goes a good minute of reunion time wasted! Or was it Ramona who was wasted? 

My final thoughts. I enjoyed the new wives over the old wives. The breakdown is 3-2-1. The three new wives seem to make up a team, with Aviva occasionally on the outside because of her dramatics. Ramona and Sonja will defend each other’s right to drink, party and get naked to the bitter end. They seem to have no real loyalty to royalty, LuAnn. LuAnn is the cheese who stands alone. LuAnn can’t get along with Carole, it’s a royal jealousy thing. LuAnn can’t get along with Ramona, too much history there. LuAnn has no story line so she tried to use Tomas to create one…and the “baby” story line. Both of these attempts are going nowhere fast. Seems to me, LuAnn needs to be replaced. For all you fans who are anti-Aviva, let me say this, you shot yourselves in the foot. Aviva wins the award for creating the most drama this season, intentionally or unintentionally. Drama is what these shows live for. If anything, all your complaining probably moved Aviva to the top of RHONY season six. Not sure if Carole has the stomach to agree to another season, that would be everyone’s loss. Her intelligence, wit and dry sense of humor are such assets if only we could hear what she has to say! HOLLA Heather, as much as I have grown to like her, not sure where she stands. She handles her issues head on, without drama, and the truth is always on her side. I’d like her to come back. Sonja and Ramona, sorry to say, the fans love them, so undoubtedly they will be back.