Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments, S5E13

The Pirates of Penzance? NOT!

Last night five of the women finally made it to St. Barth’s without Aviva and her leg. It was a snooze fest. I think they tried to manufacture some drama here and there, dangling carrots so to speak, so we will tune in for the next two St. Barth’s episodes. Count me in. I am there for the stupidity and there is always plenty of that. Meanwhile, I am going to pick apart this episode like a turkey carcass at Thanksgiving.

The show literally starts off with a “BANG” when Heather runs into a glass door and is worried she broke her nose. She had a pretty bad nose bleed. I never noticed her nose was so big before. Maybe it was swollen from the “blow?” I’ve never seen glass that was so clean it was invisible. I guess she didn’t break her nose after all because there was no doctor on the scene to check it out. 

The "ladies" are all have a nice meal when someone mentions the damn toaster oven and a new shouting match starts. Why the hell take a vacation and pack your issues to bring with you? The stupid toaster oven shoot is over and done with, but one good thing came out of this argument, another quip from my favorite, Carole. She says, “This is the most talked about toaster ovens in the history of non-existent toaster ovens.” Wait a minute, is Carole saying there is no “toaster oven” and this venture was all fabricated for the storyline? You have got to love Carole!

Carole and Russ just can't wait to sneak away!

Although this is an ALL girls’ trip, Carole is allowed to have her boyfriend, Russ, join her because she doesn’t see him often. Unlike Aviva, who was practically forbidden to bring Reid because it’s an ALL girl’s trip. Carole always does and says what she wants and Russ gives her the perfect excuse to leave the craziness and slip away. Thank God for Russ.

LuAnn was with Tomas,she says in French!

No? Really? Only everyone on the island knows it!

And the What The Hell Moment is when LuAnn apparently hooks up with Thomas, the French looking "Johnny-No-Depth," for a night of passion. I guess Jacques isn’t all he is cracked up to be, eh? One night away and the mouse is already in play! Better put those baby plans on hold. OR, if there is a baby down the road, I would tell Jacques to get a paternity test. LuAnn lies about bringing home a man, when it’s clear to everyone (especially Heather and Carole), the eye and ear witnesses, that she did. Carole heard them and quips, that she heard two male voices and one of them was LuAnn’s!  LuAnn says she brought home a group, but only two voices were heard. LuAnn says the group was Italian, but Carole clearly heard them speaking French. Also, did LuAnn not think that Jacques would see this episode? I’ll tell you what I think. If LuAnn is really with Jacques at all, because I don’t trust BRAVO not to arrange a “relationship” for the sake of the show, then perhaps they also “created" this rendezvous with the pirate? And, another What The Hell Moment is when LuAnn tries to cover her tracks by making a call to warn “Thomas/Johnny” not to say anything about last night. Do you mean to tell me that these world traveled women, aka Sonja, Heather and Carole, do not know enough French to decipher what she was saying? Especially when she threw in the words “group” and “Johnny Depp,” into her French conversation?  The lengths BRAVO will go through to create “reality!”

A What The Hell revelation comes out last night! Carole is supposed to have dated George Clooney! She confirms this by saying he was a good kisser. I can’t find any evidence to back up this claim, but I doubt George Clooney is thrilled about being associated with this show. On the other hand, I’m sure Carole didn’t complain about being associated with George Clooney. That’s one rumor I wouldn’t mind being started about me either.

Sonja and the "butler" cuddle a lot

Then, as though we could avoid it, Aviva calls and happily announces she is joining the “girls” because she “misses” them. She’ll be flying down with Reid. This sparks all kinds of nasty conversation amongst the prima donnas, Sonja and Ramona, that Reid is going to ruin the dynamics of the group. Poor Reid. The nicest cast member who doesn’t stir up shit every time his face hits the camera. Why pick on Reid? Carole has Russ, LuAnn has Johnny and Sonja is after the butler and Johnny. Of course this is another set up for the drama unfolding next week. Stay Tuned for Aviva and Reid against the world.

Carole's ass deserves a mention

P.S. Let’s not forget Carole’s wine dispenser/Pez dispenser metaphor or her great ass, which she was hoping would trend on Twitter last night!