Sunday, November 22, 2015

Mob Wives: What's in Drita's New Book?

Where to begin?


While we are waiting for some actual news from Mob Wives on Drita's new book, here is a little sample from what I imagine will be in her book. The book that Lee doesn't want her to write. The book that a  "co-author" or ghostwriter will work on with her. The book that may have more editing than a whole season of Mob Wives before it gets published. 

Some working titles: "The Woman with the Blinged Wrench," "Violence is the Answer," "I Want To Eat Your Face Off"

Dedication: To all the Crickets, "Haters are like crickets they chirp all fucking day and you walk by them and they shut the fuck up." - Drita Davanzo.

Chapter 1: My Childhood

I was born to immigrant parents who came from Albania. My parents were old world people, conservative and traditional in their ways. As a child, I have never been bullied, but I got into a lot of fights trying to protect other kids from douchbag bullies. My father is a soccer coach for a woman's team at a New York University. He grew up playing soccer in Albania and trained my brother and I in the sport. I was so good at it that I would even play on my brother's team. I had a chance to get an athletic scholarship to college, but instead my life took another turn. 

Chapter 2: The Karen Years

I flipped off the college plans my parents wanted for me and the dreams my father had of me being a professional soccer player. Instead, I started hanging out in bars drinking and of course, fighting. Big Ang owned a bar called "Nocturnal," that was my regular hangout. That's how Ang and I got close. I would fight someone and then she would hide me before the cops got there. It was awesome. I met and became friends with Karen Gravano when I was 19, like for two years. Whatever. We hung out together. She was dating Lee at the time. (Maybe I should leave this part out?) Karen and Lee were on again off again. When Karen's family moved to Arizona we stopped being friends. She moved. I married Lee and never told her. She found out from some snitch. Like I said, we stopped being friends so why should I call and tell her? Just because I lived with her and we hung out? I don't think so. Karen's a friend, Karen's not a friend . . . what the hell do you want? I'm a flip-flopper.

Chapter 3: Life With Lee 

I married Lee and my family practically disowned me. Lee was part of the Springville Boys, a farm team of the mob. They didn't approved of him. I got pregnant with Aleeya and Lee went to jail for seven years. Then he came out and I got pregnant with Giselle. He cheated on me while he was out. (Maybe I should leave this part out?) I didn't know about it. Then he went back to jail for another robbery. They filmed how I found out about the cheating on the show during the beauty salon scene. That's when I decided to get a divorce. I changed my mind about that after Lee came home. I want a divorce, I don't want a divorce, like I said, I'm a flip-flopper.

Chapter 4: Mob Wives

I got an opportunity to be on Mob Wives to help me support my kids while Lee was in prison. I took it. I want to build an empire for my girls. The show was exhausting. They brought back Karen who wanted to talk about friendship every f*ckin' minute. What f*ckin' friendship did we have? She moved to Arizona years ago. She keeps talking about a f*ckin' timeline!  Thank God for Carla, she had my back for three solid seasons. Carla was a real and loyal friend. We had dinner at each other's houses and went on vacations together outside the show. But Carla didn't come back for season 4. We lost touch with each other even though we both live on Staten Island. We stopped talking. What did she expect, she f*ckin' left Mob Wives? And then she teamed up with Karen and Ramona, telling people I sold them out by going back for season 4. So what if I broke the pack we all made? (Maybe I should leave that part out?) Anyway, they brought her back at the end of season 5 for a hot minute for Renee's MobCandy Anniversary Party. Yes I grabbed my coat and ran out of there. I had a date with Lee, I had to pack for vacation, blah blah blah, it had nothing to do with Carla being there. She was insulted?  Who cares? Talking to her is like talking to mothballs. We aren't friends like that any more! That's right, we aren't friends any more and, like I said before, she should have known I was a flip-flopper from day one. 

Chapter 5: The Natalies

In season 5 my dear "friend" Alicia the Goddess of embezzlement didn't return. Instead they got another Natalie from Philly to add to the cast. I really liked Nat G from season 4. Then I met Nat D at a photoshoot where I did her makeup. I really liked Nat D. Nat D told me some stuff about Nat G, so I didn't like Nat G and confronted her. Then Nat G told me some things about Nat D, so I confronted her and didn't like her. I was friends with Nat G. I was friends with Nat D. It was like a f*ckin' tennis match. Now I ain't friends with nobody. No more gnats in my life. Now, in season 6, I'm friends with Brittany Fogarty. She is my kind of friend . . . until she isn't.

"chirp," just sayin' 


20 comments:

Nick said...

This is soo funny and sounds like something she would write and say....

Anonymous said...

ROFLMFAO!!

That's how it would read to me too.

Von said...

Brilliant... You've got drita spot on! I look forward to her friendship with Brit then not then on then not and so on and so on!

Chiara Soprano said...

So glad you all enjoyed it. Sometimes I crack myself up!

Melissa said...

Chiara, fess up, you interviewed Drita because this is so right on the money. LMAO!!! I absolutely love it! I needed some comic relief. Looking forward to your next blog!

Chiara Soprano said...

Hey Melissa! No way could I interview Drita, she has me blocked (or she thinks so) every which way she knows how. I'm a cricket after all! Just a summary of all the things we've heard over the past four and a half years all on one blog. I suspect that she will leave a great deal out of her book. It will no way be as forthcoming as Karen's. I wantKaren to write a second book all about Mob Wives and I will be FIRST in line to buy it!

danielle shot said...

And in that book Karen can talk about how she came back for the show to bring up an issue that happened in their twenties, but were now
In their forties. And how Karen decided to not approach drita when she first heard about her and Lee (like normal people would), but rather wait a decade until drita was married and had two kids with the man...and there was a show that could use the storyline. Either way you look at it, Karen will look pathetic. So please! I hope
She does write a book about it! Maybe she can talk about how rene didn't talk to her for over a decade, but now they're like blood. Or that Carla liked a tweet someone put out threatening Karen's life, but now they're like blood too now! In the real world, real friends don't act that way or speak that way to each other, even in a fight. If Drita is a flip flopper, the rest are phonies. Plain and simple

Anonymous said...

LOL... You pegged Drita right. I wonder why she thinks anybody wants to read about HER life.

Anonymous said...

I know why people would want to read about Karen Gravano's and Linda Scarpa's lives, I see why they wrote books, because their fathers were in the mob. But Drita, nah, nobody wants to read about her life, and she doesn't even have mob ties whatsoever. I don't know why she is even on Mob Wives. What a farce.

Melissa said...

I was kidding Chiara, I know she blocked you and me and and I think most of her cast mates. lol I was reading one of the comments how Drita is married to him now and how Karen would write things that happened so long ago in her book, she needs to read Karen's book, Karen barely mentions Drita. If a man I was with for 5 years that lived me and my "so called best friend" that I double dated with Lee and whoever Drita was dating at that time, hooked up with him 1 year after Karen moved to Arizona. Karen deserved a phone call, it is not about her and Lee, she obliviously moved on with David. If one of my great friends did that to me, I would expect phone call. I read Karen's book in a day, it was great and it gave me deep understanding what she went through and gained more respect than I already had for Karen, so if you first in line, I'll be second. :)

Patricia Cubas said...

That is hysterical. It's a comedic skit!

Margaret W. said...

I guess anyone can write a book but, don't you need to have something to actually write about that is interesting ? Love your version Chiara . :) I certainly will not be wasting my money on it .

Anonymous said...

Hope they bring AG -Big Tony -in this season, now that he's on the shelf.

Angel Demon said...

Copy cat flip flopping wanna bee.

What I don't like about Drita and the fact she wants Karen to come off as the trouble maker is that Drita is a fraud. She's not Italian, she wasn't raised in the mob life and when she's ready to be literally "free" from the mob stigma, she can by simply walking away from it.

I also don't like that she shows little to no respect for the past mobsters, many related to the girls she hates on. Her Capone remark showed me her true colors on respect to the old life.

I also don't like that she came out on Celebrity Ghost Stories about having a dream that came true. OMG.. that came out from a fan Season ONE!!! Drita is a digger. Her thrid eye isn't going to help her, she's going against real lifers that literally face their lives head on with their own ideas and little to no back up from top stars... but they, unlike Drita, are making a go of their talents.

Karen's book hit best seller's list and stayed there. Drita has been hating on Karen since she heard she was coming back from Phoenix and step one was to try and get Karen and Reene into a fight.

Drita is a pot stirrer and blondie is on the wrong side!!

I can't wait for the opportunity to share the black eye shots we barely got in Season 2 of the shot that put DRITA IN THE HOSPITAL.. or had her paying one a visit for her messed up eye Karen gave her for the sucker punch Drita threw at Ramona!!

Can't wait to see the TRUTHS come out and see the real gangsters standing!!

#teamOGs

donna said...

True!

no name said...

These women are not even mob related!!! With the exception of Karen and Ang, maybe Renee because of her father, but the other women, including Drita who I happen to like, their men have done less than a nickle! My guys have peeled off nickles & dimes for mere posessions. These women would be an embarassment to real mob guys. They want low profiles & if U R a woman & cant act cool then U get tossed no matter how much your man cares. He will always side with the boss.

Christina said...

I love Drita!

Unknown said...

Real shiiiit

Rick Watson said...

I actually like the show But as we all know these so called Reality shows are not reality at all, Just go to any of the media affiliates, If you have an idea or want to submit an application for a show, They ask you questions such as, Who is a trouble maker, Who is the peacekeeper, Who is the gossiper and so on and so on, Reality is scripted tv, They want to set Karen and Drita up to fight, come on Who out there is really carrying a torch for an ex boyfriend that has moved on, Karen had a child Drita and Lee got married and had children, The Story here is that Drita and Karen were once good friends until Lee, I doubt it very much, They both moved on with their lives so good TV is to have them go at each other, Big Ang happens to be the most real in my opinion, She lost The Drunken Monkey for having a felony and someone turned her in, RAT!! Renee is just hopeless, Having a drug addiction and yet brings Natalie on the show as her mini me That went south fast not even gthree episodes in and Nat and renee are at each others throats, Carla and Drita lost touch for the fact Carla did not return to the show, And Yet again ( Reality needs to have everyone having someone on their side) Enter Britney, as for Love, Nat D, Britney, If you ask me they were just fillers, nothing to do with anything wasted time and space, VH1 cancels the show after 6 seasons, What no spin off? How about Mob kids, lmao, It is very sad to watch Big Ang get diagnosed with cancer and to see her get worse near the end, That was the only Reality I found in the show, Like I said i liked the show, but I never once took it to be Real, Its like the movie Fight club Rule #1 is you don't talk about fight club, so I am sure the mob also has a saying like if you have anything to do with the Mob you don't talk about it, Remember the Godfather and the horses head, Don't talk oh and lets not forget about having the sit down with Victoria Gotti, Really you need her to tell you never to bring up family, She also got paid for that appearance, Enough with reality, if you want reality tv stick to the Amazing Race, or Naked and Afraid at least we know its real, Goodbye Mob Wives The reunion should be interesting, very interesting, Just my opinion here, But Mob Wives was good trash tv lol

Emelia said...

Does anyone know if the book has been published yet? If so what is it called?