Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E8

Ramona fills the girls in on Sonja's debt crisis

And tonight’s episode is called “Unforgivable Debt,” undoubtedly because Sonja is drowning in a sea of bills she can’t pay, while she continues to live the carefree, luxurious lifestyle of the rich and famous. The only thing she seems to cut corners on are costumes for burlesque shows and Mermaid parades. She should write a book on how to do that, I’d buy it!

So what the hell happens tonight? Sonja has a get together at her “borrowed house” in the Hamptons. Ramona and Aviva are coming over for brunch. Ramona calls to say she can’t come over, she has to rest. Sonja is pissed. Sonja and Aviva sit around the pool. Sonja is looking for Ramona’s support but thinks Ramona is projecting her unhappiness on her. Sonja is hurt. If she doesn’t know the self absorbed Ramona by now, she never will.

Ramona is hanging out with LuAnn and Carole at a Designer’s House event, raising money for breast cancer awareness. LuAnn has developed the skillful art of putting up with Ramona over the years. Ramona throws a plate in the pool. Is it turtle time? Luann says “it’s a designer house not a frat house.” Ramona reveals to the girls that Sonja was going to sell the house, but since she hasn’t, the court has now decided it will sell it for whatever they want. Sonja debts will not be forgiven and Ramona says it’s a sad state of affairs. Sonja is emotionally attached to her house. LuAnn was surprised and not too pleased that Ramona would reveal Sonja’s business to them. Is anyone else surprised? Ramona likes to talk about everyone’s business, but her own. Maybe Sonja should tell us what went on with the Mario affair?

Carole fills in the girls about Sonja's
situation as Ramona sees it

Holla Heather is waiting for Kristen and her son, Cash, to come over. Heather loves her great husband. He takes the kids while Heather, Kristen and Carole have some cheese, crackers and fruit. Carole tells them about the gossip Ramona just revealed regarding Sonja’s financial situation, and how the house is being sold out from under her. Carole thinks Sonja is in denial about it all. Heather doesn’t think that Ramona has Sonja’s back and she shouldn’t be talking about her issues. I think I need to teach a class in Ramona Singer 101. Doesn’t anyone know Ramona’s M.O.? Wasn’t it Heather who coined the term the “Singer Stinger?”

Does she still have some mileage in modeling?

Kristen is looking for a new agent, the old one isn’t getting her any modeling jobs. Her modeling career can’t be over just like that after 25 years, can it? Hmmm. The new agent, obviously lacking any sort of tact and diplomacy, says they are looking for younger women, but maybe she still has some mileage left. Who the hell says that? What is she a used car? He tells her to try secondary markets like Chicago and Milwaukee . . . what an insult. Kristen is disappointed that her career has peaked. Now what will she do? He suggests acting. You don’t suppose he knows she is on RHONY do you? I would have suggested modeling for products targeting middle age women, but what do I know.

Luann gets a headache after trying to figure out
what Sonja is trying to say

Luann and Aviva are at a wine tasting and Ramona and Sonja are supposedly coming, but who knows with their track record of last minute cancellations? Luann finds her wine too pert, and Aviva says it too acidic, like urine. That comment raises the eyebrows of the server! Both Ramona and Sonja show up, how do you like that? Ramona feels Sonja is acting cold towards her. Luann asks Sonja about the sale of the house. Sonja says she doesn’t want to sell any house. Luann asks about the toaster oven. Sonja says her brand is much bigger than a toaster oven . . . whatever that means. No one is getting it. The four of them sit outside. Ramona tells Aviva she made peace with her because of the group. Aviva says is fine with everyone except Carole. Aviva complains that Luann is on the fence and doesn’t take sides, which she wants her to do. Sonja jabs Luann and says she is just a diplomat. Luann thinks Sonja is being nasty to her. Ramona says all Sonja’s business ventures never come to fruition because she is spread too thin. When the others try to get an understanding of Sonja’s business ventures by asking questions, Sonja loses her mind! She starts a rant that sounds like a free association game she is playing with herself. “Don’t you get it! Isn’t anyone listening? This is about my brand! It’s bigger than a  toaster oven! Toaster, place mats, napkins, yellow and white diamonds, shoes, handbags, gloves, skin care . . . Everything.” Okay, okay, we get it. Sonja is taking over the Amazon Market Place.

Heather is going after Spanx but
first things first: Tequila

Heather drops in on Carole with a six pack and tequila. I wish I had a friend who dropped by with tequila. Carole provides the pizza. I notice Carole never cooks, she always has food brought in. Heather discusses her patent infringement lawsuit. Who thought Spanx would want to take a poor girl’s three panel girdle? They get a little tipsy. Carole wants to get rid of her piano. She wants to make changes, refresh the home, and start new. They have a few more shots of tequila, which always helps friends sort things out.

Sonja cleans her toilet and bidet. Ramona pops in (at her own risk) to see her. Ramona has been waiting to have this conversation with Sonja, but Sonja hasn’t said a word. Ramona wants her to start looking for an apartment in case she has to move. Sonja says she has angels on her side. She tells Ramona you have to think positively and stay calm. Sonja says live in the moment not in fear. Ramona just wants her to be prepared. Sonja says she can take care of herself . . . Ramona thinks Sonja has her head in the sand and is avoiding reality. It’s like these two just met for the first time on last night’s episode. Sonja’s head has always been in the sand.

Harry comes over to Aviva’s for dinner because Harrison is going away to sleep away camp. Aviva’s little boy, Hudson, says, “I hate Harry.” He doesn’t like to be tickled. The first thing Harry does is tickle him. I think Hudson had the best line of the night. I’m not crazy about Harry either.

Baby Ben is a no show!

Sonja is meeting Baby Ben for dinner at six. She thinks he will give her support. Once again her head is in the sand. Well, Baby Ben is late . . . why didn’t he pick her up, I wonder to myself? Uh oh, it’s 6:50 PM and no Baby Ben, and no call. She has been stood up. When you have a boyfriend in college that’s bound to happen.

Carole's oven is cooking the books!

Carole has some construction guys over to check out her home, she wants to refresh it. Get rid of the office and make it a walk-in closet. The kitchen will become the office, says Carole . . . a genius idea! She never uses her kitchen anyway. Carole doesn’t cook. She says the only pot she uses is her tea pot. The construction guys have some reservations about this idea. After all, if she ever plans to sell the place , most people will want a kitchen. Carole doesn’t envision selling it, problem solved.

Kristen retaliates for the Pinot!

All the women meet at the spa to relax. Ramona comes prepared with her wine bottle and glass. Kristen is in the hot tub. Sonja hasn’t spoken to Baby Ben in days, maybe he is too young for her? Sonja thinks Ramona did something to stop him from calling. Ramona actually did call someone close to Ben. Ramona keeps saying how young Baby Ben is and says he could be her son, it’s incestuous. Aviva asks if Ramona is being judgmental and a meddler. Someone says Ramona is jealous and Kristen says, “yeah.“ Ramona throws her drink on Kristen for no reason at all. Kristen is appalled. She splashes Ramona, who just had her hair done for a party she is going to later. Ramona is just a little annoyed, almost like she expected it . . . Scripted?


Ramona calls Kristen an instigator . . . Sonja yells at Ramona for taking Baby Ben away from her and throwing Pinot on Kristen. “Did Ramona miss that memo 65 years ago about no hitting?” asks Kristen. You know, now that Kristen mentions it, Ramona is looking like she aged a bit since last season. Either that, or her trip to Africa, Mario’s affair and Avery’s going to college, all took their toll on her. So far these 8 episodes have taken a toll on me!

P.S. I just wanted to point out that Aviva managed to get through an episode unscathed while Ramona is replacing her as the thorn in everyone’s side. I prefer it this way. I find Ramona much better at being annoying. I think she has had more practice!

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Mob Wives: Season 5 Needs a Casting Call ASAP

The New Blood has bled out!

By now Mob Wives fans have heard the news that Alicia DiMichele, from Philly, has recently resigned from Mob Wives due to her legal troubles. If you haven’t heard, you can get details all over the internet. Natalie, who was never really a Mob Wife, but a cosmetician for her grandfather’s funeral home (the dead can’t complain), may or may not return . . . but common sense tells me the chances are slim she will. Her behavior during season four, on and off the show, her leaking of information concerning the show and other factors make me think she killed this opportunity. Renee has been throwing out hints that she could be getting her own spin off and is tired of Mob Wives drama. So who is left? Drita, who has so little of a storyline that they had to make up a few scripted ones for her this season like the “stalker,” Aleeya’s “bully,” that ridiculous rap song. Big Ang, who brings comic relief to dramatic situations, but never has a storyline of her own. Please don’t mention the “build your own baby” storyline, because I outgrew fairy tales when I was seven.

Now what? The New Blood has bled out. The show needs a transfusion. We need more new blood, or better yet some old blood. Old blood worked. Old Blood was the best. We miss the old blood. There was chemistry, there was history, there was drama . . . real drama, not the scripted lies that were peddled all of season 4. Why fix something that wasn’t broken?

I never liked the New Blood. Alicia, wise gal and wholesome mom of four boys who struts around half naked in front of them and the world. Alicia who was such a liar that she made Carla Facciolo look like Snow White. Alicia who whined all season long. I’m innocent, but pled guilty, what if I go to jail? Boo hoo, boo hoo. Eddie is the love of my life, I’m divorcing him. If I go to jail who will watch over all my jewelry and new Cartier bracelet? And remember how she came in like gang busters with Karen’s name coming out of her mouth over and over for no reason at all? She was happy to attack Karen and her family as long as Karen wasn’t there to defend herself and put out the reality of what really happened.

Alicia admitted to committing a crime on the show, now she has withdrawn her guilty plea. Why? The Teamsters Union thinks $20,000 doesn’t begin to cover the restitution she needs to pay back, they say the amount is closer to 3 million. I guess Alicia would rather take her chances pleading innocent and see what happens, rather than pay off that bill.

I’m not wasting any time discussing Natalie, except to say she was never a mob wife and should have never been on the show from day one.

Where does that leave us for season 5? We need more real mob wives to be cast in the show. I can imagine the people at VH1 scrambling around right now looking for old resumes and vetting new women. Maybe they are even looking at the old blood that they so easily let go. The ones who made the show the success it is. The ones they dropped like hot potatoes. Who knows? I’ve heard the door has remained open for Karen Gravano to return, and I can only pray the powers that be make the right call and get her back. I also loved her cousin Rena. I would love to see her regularly on the show. As far as the others, Jenn made it clear that they burned their bridges. That’s too bad. I guess time will tell.

Meanwhile,  if you are a mob wife, or know of a mob wife, now would be the time to get your resumes polished up and submitted for consideration. You just never know, you may be on season 5 . . . if there is a season 5.

Picture Credit: VH1

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Mob Wives: Alicia DiMichele Resigns from Show

Exhibit A

News of Alicia’s resignation from VH1, and the show Mob Wives, is circulating on the internet. It is also being reported that she is taking back her guilty plea to the embezzlement charges from the trucking company she owned with her husband. This maybe because the restitution amount of $20,000 is being contested by the Teamsters Union, which calculates the amount should be  more than 2 million. There is supposed to be a hearing today, the outcome is yet to be reported.

If you would like to read the full story and all the details as it is being currently reported check out the New York Daily News and Radar Online (also includes court documents).

What do you think of this newest development? Who will be left in the cast? Oy Vey!

Picture Credit: Alicia's Twitter Account

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E7

Heather and I expected "fireworks" 
and all we got was a lousy "F" bomb!

It’s the fourth of July, and this week’s episode is appropriately entitled “Fireworks.” I had a feeling this title had nothing to do with cherry bombs and more to do with screaming and “F” bombs. I was half right, it had nothing to do with cherry bombs and the expected drama was just a fizzle. If you want to quit reading now, I don’t blame you.

Here we go! First we have a lame scene of Ramona, who had a photographer over her house taking pictures of her with her dog for Avery’s wall . . . yeah right. Sonja shows up ranting about her legal and financial problems. Sonja and Ramona both give Sonja credit for handling it all so well, especially the bankruptcy. But in the confessional, Ramona confides in us that Sonja is spreading herself too thin with all her projects, once again proving she is a good and loyal friend . .  . NOT!

Heather and her husband take their son, Jax, to the doctor, it seems he isn’t hearing as well as he was and they need him checked. The doctor has him take a hearing test. The doctor tells them Jax hearing loss may be able to be surgically repaired. Jax has several medical issues. Of course this is taking it’s toll on Heather, who always tries to be strong for her son.

"Shut the f*ck up," says Aviva
in front of her darling daughter.

Aviva and Kristin take the kids out for a play date. Why? I don’t know. Kristen is Heather’s friend and doesn’t like Aviva. I figure the producers stirred this pot. Anyway, Kristin tells Aviva about the clam bake in the Hamptons. Kristin makes fun of Ramona’s eyes and it irks Aviva. Aviva tells her to shut the “F” Up. This “F” bomb was the best part of the episode, it came out of nowhere and for no good reason. I think Aviva has been hanging out with Renee Graziano and some of her language is rubbing off on her. Maybe we will see her on season 5 of Mob Wives next? Kristin is shocked and appalled. Aviva wants her to decide if she wants to get involved in her skirmish with Carole or not and she keeps repeating the question like a broken record. Kristin says everyone told her Aviva was crazy and now she is proving it. Kristin was trying to tell her she wants to be her friend and not get in the middle, but Aviva is yelling at her and really can‘t hear anything Kristen says. Aviva apologizes for cursing and she is done talking about it.

Heather is on the beach with her family for some 4th of July weekend fun. Carole joins them. They catch up on Aviva news. Heather tells “us” that she thinks Carole should let go of the “book thing,” she is obsessed. She tells Carole about Jax’s hearing issues and possible surgery. Heather gets emotional, she just wants to fix one thing for Jax. Heather and Carole seem to be genuinely good friends at this point.

LuAnn and Jacques play tennis with Ramona and Mario. Ramona and Mario are there to win, Luann is just there for fun. Kristen shows up in track shoes to play tennis . . . Mario and Ramona are shocked she is wearing the wrong shoes.  Speaking of “wrong” things, Kristen confronts Ramona about not going to Heather’s party, it was wrong for her not to come. LuAnn says Heather has every right to be upset with Ramona for blowing off her party and not coming. Ramona was upset that Aviva wasn’t invited. Ramona tells Kristen to mind her own business, it wasn’t her party and Heather can fight her own battles. Kristen says she isn’t getting involved in this any more, but Ramona was fighting Aviva‘s battle. Swoosh! The pretty, “dumb-blonde,“ model housewife get’s in a slam dunk! Heather gets a call from the doctor. The doctor is pretty optimistic that they can restore Jax’s hearing. Heather is cautiously optimistic.

Excuse me Ramona, you are fighting 
Aviva's battles with Carole!

Ramona’s house in the Hamptons and that is where everyone is headed. Kristen shows up, then Sonja, then Aviva, then LuAnn . . . Ramona corners Kristen like a rat to tell her it wasn’t her place to say anything to her about her not going to Heather’s party. Kristen says Heather is her friend and she was defending her just like Ramona was fighting Aviva’s battles. Ramona was rude, loud and belligerent. I guess the truth hurts? Now Heather and Carole show up and Carole wants to avoid Aviva. Kristen doesn’t trust “cray cray” Aviva after the episode on the play date. Heather confronts Ramona nicely about blowing off her party after RSVPing. Heather wants to know why she didn’t come. They call each other hypocrites, blah blah blah. This is some party, everyone has a stick up their ass.

Aviva to the rescue!
Kiss and make up, you love each other.

Ramona and Sonja discuss her burlesque show . . . Ramona heard it was a little raunchy. Sonja says it’s art. Ramona thinks Sonja is overextended with all her business ventures, she is over her head. LuAnn admires Sonja, but adds she could have used a little more “polish.” A highly insulted Sonja wants to leave to go to 4 or 5 better parties with nicer people who appreciate her. Sonja is annoyed with Ramona saying she is doing too many things at once. Sonja wants to see Ramona support a household as a single mother. Ramona is sorry she upset her. Aviva defends Ramona. Sonja says “Singer couldn’t handle a day in her life,” she doesn’t know what overwhelmed means, she doesn’t need Ramona making negative comments. Aviva tells them they love each other and that we all know Ramona puts her foot in her mouth every chance she gets. Then she makes them hug and make peace. They make up. But Sonja’s boa feathers are still quite ruffled by the negative comments about her burlesque show by both Ramona and LuAnn and isn‘t in much of a forgiving mood.

We are ¾ of the way through the show and I am dying for this episode to be over already. I keep hearing Judy Collins playing in the background, “Send in the clowns, there ought to be clowns.” This episode reminds me of when I was a kid and would light a firecracker and watch the fuse go all the way down, but it didn’t explode. We called those “duds.” and that’s what I call this show. Lots of hype about fighting and fireworks, but nothing really happens.

Aviva is flaunting Carole's book in
her face! 

Still waiting for the fireworks that Bravo promised. All seven ladies are on the beach for the clam bake. Sonja is ignoring Ramona and it is getting under Ramona’s skin. Lots of drinking and eating going on. Heather tells Aviva to talk to Carole so they can move on. What the hell is Heather doing? Heather is supposed to be Carole’s friend, so why is she egging Aviva on to go make peace with Carole? We know how Carole feels? Carole is going to be blindsided. Aviva goes over to Carole and literally pulls her away from her conversation with Mario. They sit in the sand to discuss their issues. Carole doesn’t understand what she said at the lunch that got Aviva riled up enough to slander her career and Bill Whitworth’s career. Heather goes over to mediate, like she had nothing to do with this setup. Carole clearly isn’t in a conciliatory mood and nothing was accomplished. Aviva says she thinks Carole is a great writer and she read Widow’s Guide, which hadn‘t been published at the time. “What do you mean you read it?” asks an very annoyed Carole. Apparently, Aviva got an early copy of it, a galley copy. She congratulates Carole and takes the book out of her bag and waves it around. Carole was not happy to see she had a galley copy of the book and says the binder was not cracked, she didn’t read it. Frankly, Carole should get to the bottom of who gave the book to Aviva, I’m thinking Andy Cohen did or one of the producers. Maybe even the same producer who told Heather to get Aviva to talk to Carole?

This was the worst episode of the season. The episode couldn’t have been more scripted, except for the parts about Jax. The only redeeming value it may have is in Carole’s hilarious blog, which I am going to read right after I post this.

P.S. Am I the only one who thinks Ramona actually brings the show down? It was better before she came back from her vacation.

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Real Housewives Of New York: What the Hell Moments, S6 E6

“Unhappy Anniversary” is the title of episode six . . . but who’s anniversary? It seems Jonathan and Heather are having an party for their 10th anniversary, but some of Heather’s “friends” are boycotting . . . shall we guess who? Hopefully, no one will be discussing books and ghosts in this episode.

I just came back from Africa and saw 
a lion humping another lion twice!

Ramona is back from Africa and looking a little haggard for the wear. Heather is having an event for her charity with Karen Karch, a designer who is making jewelry designs of “organ parts.” Yes you read right, hearts, kidneys and eyes. Heather corners Ramona and fills her in on Aviva’s behavior, but Ramona, whose head has marinated in Pinot Grigio for years,  doesn’t think that it’s nice of Heather to exclude Aviva. Ramona talks about her trip to Africa, the highlight apparently being that she saw one lion humping another lion twice. Luann steals the best line of the night, “shouldn’t what happens in Africa stay in Africa?” Always late to the party, Sonja, finally shows up. Sonja thinks Aviva should be invited to Heather‘s anniversary party too. Heather thinks Ramona should give Heather time to process their request since both she and Sonja were not happy with Aviva for a year. Remember they wanted to get a hotel room on vacation so they wouldn’t have to see Aviva and Reid?  Heather really doesn’t want to invite Aviva to her anniversary party.

Heather, Carole and Kristen chat it up. Heather says she isn’t mad at Aviva, she just doesn’t like her behavior.

Suddenly Aviva’s new best friends are Ramona and Sonja.  Ramona hasn’t even been around for most of the feuding, but she has chosen sides. They are all out shopping. Ramona feels peaceful after her lion humping experience, and wants to spread it around. Humping lions will create an aura of calmness in a person . . . it‘s common knowledge. Ramona calls Heather from the store and tells her she wants everyone to get along. Heather doesn’t understand how Sonja and Ramona are Aviva’s bff’s all of a sudden after a year of ranting and raving about her. Heather is badgered into meeting with Aviva and as she agrees, Aviva says she is afraid of her. Heather is only too happy to tell Aviva what bugs her about her behavior.

There’s a caviar tasting…Carole and Kristen are there meeting Heather’s husband, Jonathan. He is getting caviar for her for their anniversary and he invited her friends there to try it and help him decide on which one to get. Why is the waiter wearing a plaid shirt at a very fancy caviar tasting? I’ll never understand the posh lifestyle. They taste the caviar and give their opinions . . . the first one is best. Twenty-five people are coming to the party, Aviva is not invited as far as Jonathan knows.

It all goes downhill from here!

Heather and Aviva meet for wine. They start off on a cordial note, but don‘t get used to it, they hate each other's guts. They set some ground rules: no yelling, no cursing, no name calling. The cordialness wears off fast as Aviva confronts Heather about verbally raping her. Heather explains to Aviva that the things she says about people are vile, like Sonja is on a downward spiral like Anna Nicole Smith, that’s not a compliment Aviva! Heather says Aviva is “f*cking dramatic” and Aviva immediately wants an apology. Heather used the “F” word! But Aviva has been hanging around with none other than Renee Graziano, of Mob Wives, and I happen to know that Renee holds the record for most “F” bombs in an episode. What’s the big f*cking deal Aviva?  Heather says Aviva has no respect for people who have careers.  They finally agree they don’t like each other. Duh. Oh no she didn’t! What the hell did I just hear? Aviva asks if Carole and Heather are lovers because of how she defends her? No apology is forthcoming on either side, the ground rules are out the window. Heather says, “let me ask you a question, do you give a shit about me?” Aviva thinks a minute and says yes. Heather thinks Aviva is insanely jealous of her friendship with Carole. I don’t think so, I think it’s a matter of choosing sides for the season’s battles. Aviva says when it comes to me and Carole can we agree you are not impartial? Heather agrees. Heather brings up her anniversary party and says she wants to talk to Jonathan about it inviting her and Reid to join them. Aviva agrees, she should talk to Jonathan. What the hell just happened? I feel like some big piece of the puzzle was cut out…nice job editing department.

You are f*cking dramatic and I'm sick of it.
But, I might invite you to my anniversary party.

Hmmm what have we here . . . Kristen and Carole are at a restaurant and in come Yolanda and Brandy of the RHOBH. Brandy tells a stupid Elvis story about Kristen making out with “him” in Vegas. Carole is relieved not to have to be talking to or about Aviva for a change. They talk about each other’s sex lives. Carole just broke up with Russ, Kristen’s sex life is good. And Yolanda’s wearing white pants . . . I have it on good authority, from a fashionista, that she wears those boring pants everywhere! Where is the makeover man, Tim Gunn, when you need him? Why was this scene even included? Don’t we have enough or our own wives without borrowing a couple from another franchise! What the hell is Andy thinking? Maybe he is drinking too much Pinot?

Aviva tells Ramona and Sonja that she ended on a good note with Heather. They are happy to hear it. But, Aviva tells them she isn’t invited to the party. The incredulous looks on Ramona and Sonja’s faces are priceless. Aviva explains that Heather texted her to tell her there was a lot of water under the bridge and she wants to leave the water under the bridge for now, it’s too soon to have her at the anniversary party. Sonja and Ramona aren’t down with this. Their delicate feathers get ruffled. Who does Heather think she is to disrespect their new bff like that? There is only one thing for them to do! Sonja isn’t going to the party, and Ramona isn’t going either. Why is Heather making Carole’s battle her battle. They don’t get it, they are shocked. Now the three bff’s aren’t going. I want to know why the hell Ramona and Sonja are making Aviva’s battle their battle? Now that’s a better question.

Kristen and her husband argue over who cares about what, before going into the party. Luann gets a text from Ramona and Sonja saying they aren’t coming to the party and now she is stuck telling Heather. An hour and a half into the party, Heather asks where are Sonja and Ramona . . . here’s Luann’s cue to explain that they are boycotting the party because Aviva wasn‘t invited. Heather says it’s rude to RSVP and then not show up. Heather says it was too much too soon for her to have had Aviva over. The other ladies agree that the drunken duo did not do the right thing. Heather says Ramona is the shit stirrer. Heather never liked Ramona and should have trusted her gut instinct when she met her. “Who’s to blame for all this? It’s that Stinger Singer!” says Heather. Heather doesn’t need them there anyway. Heather makes a nice little speech to her adoring husband. He hands Heather a tote bag full of caviar! Heather is thrilled with her treat . . . Jonathan will get his later.

Picture Credit: Bravo

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6E5

Clearly Carole is Queen and her costume is stunning!
The others are as tacky as can be!

“Everybody Thinks We’re Drag Queens,” is the title of this episode. Why? Because Carole, LuAnn, Sonja and Kristen attend a parade on the boardwalk of Coney Island in Mermaid costumes, but it is all for a good cause.

First Amanda is threatening to deck Heather!
But, when Heather calls her bluff...

She gets in Carole's face...
Carole quips, "I don't even know you Mindy!"

Meanwhile, “Ghostwriter-Gate” lives for another episode! Are we milking this “What The Hell Moment” or what? We continue where we left off, at Luann’s house in the Hamptons, with a showdown between the annoying image consultant, Amanda and Heather. No one seems to know Amanda, or as Carole likes to call her “Mindy,” except for Aviva and yet the two rarely speak to each other. Amanda wants to deck Heather, but when Heather calls her bluff she wanders off to go annoy Carole, who is still trying to have it out with Aviva. Amanda gets in Carole’s face, and an irritated Carole says, “I don’t even know you Mindy.” Heather comes to Carole’s rescue and tries to get rid of Amanda by telling her to leave. Then Heather asks Luann to tell Amanda to leave. Meanwhile Amanda continues to harass Carole…until Luann, using her most royal Marie Antoinette “Let them eat cake” flair, pulls her away and convinces her to have some cake. Carole and Aviva continue to battle the Ghostwriter-Gate. Aviva wants more support from her. Heather doesn’t like Aviva, and says she manipulative and dangerous and f*cks with people’s careers. Heather gets in Aviva’s face. Heather calls Aviva a liar, slanderer and a character assassinator. The chivalrous Reid gets angry, no one talks to his wife this way! He says he was there when three people told Aviva that Carole had a Ghost-Writer. Reid doesn’t like Carole or Heather attacking his wife. No sir! Sonja tries to defend Aviva. She seems to say that Aviva didn’t write a novel after all, she wrote a memoir and that doesn’t take much talent. Eight minutes of nonstop squabbling and I have a headache. Heather tells Aviva off one more time on her way out the door…and at one point says, “Don’t tell me anything you Mother F*cker!” All of a sudden Heather has a “street” reputation with the girls because she used the “F“ bomb a couple of times. Maybe Heather could cross-over to Mob Wives?

Heather drops an "F" bomb with the best of them!

Sonja has a brunch and flirts with Harry because she can’t stand his current girlfriend. Heather and Carole can’t make it, so Aviva catches a break. Sonja is very sympathetic to Aviva’s plight with her issues with the girls. Then Sonja loses a tooth. Luann is not impressed with the denture adhesive talk. I would leave this out but frankly, a toothless Sonja makes me laugh.

Finally we get to the big event, the Mermaid parade on Coney Island! Carole is the Queen! She will lead the parade. The parade is to raise money for the community for the losses it suffered during storm Sandy.  The girls, Carole, Kristen, Heather and Luann are at a costume store. They all need mermaid costumes. They chat about the fight between Carole and Aviva while trying on costumes. I mean who can get enough of this fight?

Later, Carole and Kristen meet to get made up for the parade and Carole brings in a custom made costume. After all she is the Queen. Sonja has a friend who will literally throw something together for her. Why do I have a feeling that Sonja will show up as a burlesque Mermaid? Sonja has a red wig and lord knows what else she will be wearing.

The parade! Carole loves being part of the parade, Kristen and Luann end up on the wrong float. Instead of going to the float with high school teens, they decide to hop on the float with drag queens, so they will fit right in. Sonja broke another tooth. I am nicknaming Sonia “Snaggletooth” for this season. Bravo please send her to the dentist! Sonja’s homemade costume is falling apart. They announce “Karen” (Carole) as queen of the parade. Someone couldn’t get their one line straight! I have to say, much to my surprise, Carole’s gold shimmering costume was stunning and she wore it well, all the others were tacky. Can Bravo please help Sonia finance real costumes for burlesque shows, parades, and all other events? If you can’t afford to buy her one, please rent one.

The "machine" from the accident

Aviva gets an email from the Becky, the girl who still lives at the farm where Aviva lost her leg when she was six. Becky seems to be carrying a burden all these years concerning the accident, but hasn’t kept in touch with Aviva for 35 years. Reid and Aviva plan a drive up to the farm. Apparently a chauffeur is driving them up there so they can chat for three and a half hours about the accident, how exhausting. Aviva tells Reid the story on the ride up, like he hasn’t heard it a thousand times before and again when he helped her with her book. Aviva meets Becky. Reid graciously disappears to go work on the internet while the girls catch up. Aviva senses Becky has been feeling bad all these 35 years. Aviva tells Becky that she saved her life, she turned off the machine. Becky feels guilty because they were playing together. Aviva asks to see the machine that took her leg. We get a close up view and explanation of exactly how the accident happened. Aviva wants to turn it on to face her fears. Aviva thanks Becky for her cathartic experience. I think this would have been a great storyline to spend more time on…especially the catching up part. Oh well.

After thoughts:
I have to say, Aviva always seems much more likable when she isn’t around the other women and producers of the show. I can’t wait to read Carole’s blog, it’s always better than the show! Carole looks great in red hair. Heather can always start a bodyguard guard company if YummyTummy fails. I don't miss Ramona, but if they get rid of Amanda, I would welcome her back with open arms. Sonja needs to stop being so cheap when it comes to her teeth and costumes. Kristen seems lost in a corn maze, never knowing what the hell is going on. Luann is so low key she is actually likable!

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6E4

Sonja's top is just a little loose, oops.

They are calling this episode “Holla in The Hamptons,” which makes me think it’s about Heather, but who cares? I want to see more about Ghostwriter/Book-Gate!

Sonja is late for her burlesque rehearsal. What the hell is she thinking? She says she is hosting a show for charity but really, is she serious? She is screaming like every move is causing her pain…maybe she is too old for this activity? All the others seem to humor her. It reminds me of the kid’s story, The Emperor’s New Clothes, where no one wants to tell him he is naked and ridiculous.

Carole and Kristen drive to the Hamptons, and Carole is not a fan of the Hamptons but wants to support Sonja. The ladies, Carole, Heather and Kristen, are on the beach with a bunch of young surfing instructors. They have a hell of a time getting into their wetsuits. Heather and Kristen seem to be surfing pretty well, but Carole just can’t stand up on the board. However, she did enjoy her 19 year old instructor Charlie and she didn’t drown.

Carole got out there, it's more than I would do!

Sonja is driving to the Hamptons with a car-full of interns, the kind who aren’t smart enough to open a door when a guest rings the bell. Even Kristen suggests Sonja should get one competent intern and maybe even pay them, rather than have an entourage of ignoramuses. The Mercedes seems to be falling apart so they have to stop. Sonja is not at all prepared for her performance tomorrow. Big surprise. She doesn’t know what she will wear, what she will perform, or what she is doing. Ramona is in Africa on vacation, so she is no help. She decides to use vintage 1920’s costumes and she throws something together because she is too cheap to buy a real costume. They sold 500 tickets for this event, can you imagine? Sonja decides she doesn’t want the professional girls behind her for the show, she will do the show alone. She clearly doesn’t know what she is doing, but she’ll do it all alone. Great idea.

Harry must have something, 
but I'll be damned if I know what it is.

Sidebar: Kristen doesn’t get Harry’s appeal. Thank goodness someone else is on the same page as I am. Basically, she disses his looks. I find myself agreeing with Kristen more and more…maybe she is the “smart” one?

Luann and Aviva are paired up…because they both have a strong dislike for Carole. Heather greets Luann. This girl Amanda is in the mix and seems to be irking everyone by intruding into their group. Aviva is “catching Luann up to speed.” The good news is she made up with Ramona, the bad news is she is at war with Carole. Luann can understand that because Carole never had a good thing to say about her. Luann and Aviva are BFFs now...or at least for a minute…or until Luann writes a book.

BFF's until next week?

The seating arrangements are a bit off. Sonja must have a sense of humor putting Carole next to Aviva. Carole was not going to sit next to Aviva, so she and Heather find better seats.

Sonja walks out on stage. There is a wardrobe malfunction almost immediately. I don’t think she filled up her costume very well and was putting on more than a burlesque show. Heather is increasingly annoyed with the rudeness of Amanda, who is talking throughout the show. Carole comments on the show saying, “there is a cringe factor, it’s not Moulin Rouge…but it’s Sonja Morgan.” I’m not as nice as Carole. I think the show was beyond pathetic…maybe I just don’t get burlesque or Sonja?

Amanda: Not the best image I've ever seen!

Amanda turns out to be an image consultant and Aviva’s friend…who is rumored to have been brought in by BRAVO to help Aviva…but the other girls don’t like her. I don’t like her either, so maybe she needs to overhaul her own image? Just sayin’.

Sidebar: I sit here, through all this, patiently waiting for a Ghostwriter-Gate brawl! Bring it!

Luann’s house in the Hamptons…they are grilling steaks. Amanda shows up “like a bad rash” says Sonja, “every time Harry is around.” All the ladies and spouses are there. Can Carole and Aviva avoid each other? Heather dislikes Amanda, she was rude at Sonja’s show and now she wants to “crawl up her ass.” Carole feels awkward at Luann’s house since their past was a little hostile. Carole wants to clear the air and apologize for some of the things she said in the past. Carole and Luann make amends and move forward. They hug. So now what? Luann can’t be Aviva’s BFF?

Who said what? Damned if I know.

Aviva says she was called seven names by Carole, and Sonja can’t imagine it. Sonja supports Aviva about her book. Kristen thinks the whole thing should be let go.  Luann is dumbfounded. Heather and Carole pop into the conversation. Heather says Aviva won’t own what she said. Aviva says Heather threatened her. Heather says Aviva character assassinates everyone and she isn‘t going to be next. Everyone starts talking all at once! Who the hell knows what they are saying? Luann breaks it all up and says they are going to leave Carole and Aviva alone to talk. But they don’t. Luann felt totally out of control in her own house. Amanda continues to irritate the others. She wants to deck Heather. Heather tells her to bring it on! Holla!

Next week more Book-Gate, the story line that keeps on giving! They even drop “F” Bombs, like Mob Wives! Now this I can relate to!

All in all , not a worthwhile episode. How fitting for April Fool’s Day.

Picture Credit: BRAVO