Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E15

"I have a doctor's note, an inhaler and prescriptions here 

and you still don't believe me?"

“Ten Gallon Spats,” how clever is that for a title? NOT! I have to wonder if there will be another season of RHONY after watching this episode. Not only has nothing significant happened all season, with the possible exception of Book-Gate, but the cast is acting like a bunch of five year olds fighting at a playground. Let's retitle this "Five Year Old Squabbles."

Kristen talks the girls into going to an upscale dude ranch in Montana for Labor Day weekend, like they haven‘t had enough vacations. Carole says she called Russ about the rumor of his sleeping with Sonja. He says he loves her and he would never disrespect her like that. Ramona thinks this trip is “b o r i n g. It’s going to make the Berkshires look like a major city.” Aviva has moderate to severe asthma and she can’t fly because of the altitude and she is also allergic to horses, according to her doctor. Did he really test her for horse allergies out of the blue? Because last time I looked around NYC there weren’t many horses around. Anyway, long story short, she will be absent from this trip too. It’s really too bad because Aviva was looking forward to the trip and she doesn’t know what this medical condition is all about. She will be tested again in a couple of days. Guess what?  She still can’t go. Surprise, surprise.

Sonja has a cheap idea for a face lift, tape and string, to pull her face up. She says she would have not chosen Montana for a getaway, but she will make the best of it. Her intern sorts through her underwear to find the right ones for Montana. You have to set the mood with the lingerie, it’s the foundation, says Sonja, who likes to go commando.

Ramona and Kristen go shopping for riding boots. They also need chaps. Kristen is a size 10 and she wants the salesman to surprise her with a pair of boots. Ramona tells Kristen that Aviva has asthma. Kristen never heard that Aviva suffers from asthma before. She thinks Aviva is lying about having asthma so she can get out of going to Montana. Kristen calls Aviva out on the asthma. Aviva pulls out all her prescriptions and inhalers and says these must be fake then. The doctor told Aviva there is no question that the flight and animals will make it worse. Kristen wonders out loud that suddenly all Aviva’s phobias went away, so where did the asthma come from? Aviva, totally prepared for confrontation, whips out a doctor’s letter. Seriously, why does a grown woman bring a doctor’s letter to her “friends”?  Maybe Aviva is tired of being called a liar. Kristen says she doesn’t believe Aviva and she doesn’t know why, even with the letter. Kristen says Aviva’s health was perfect until she was invited to Montana! This really angers Aviva. Ramona watches the whole argument. Aviva wants Kristen to show some compassion. Aviva thinks Kristen is being very rude. Kristen says she can never go on any trip she always has an excuse. Here is the five year old version: “I’m sick.” “No you’re not.” Yes, I am.” “You are not!” “Am so!” You just don’t want to come with us!” “I do want to come, but I can’t” “No you don’t. You’re not sick, you don’t want to come.” “I do so, see my inhaler?” “Big deal, anyone can have an inhaler.” Etc, etc, etc

Holla Heather and Carole are excited about the trip to Montana. Heather is a tomboy. Carole likes adventures way more than cocktail parties. Carole thinks Aviva is allergic to fun. Heather thinks she exaggerates her small ailments not to have to go anywhere. If that’s how they feel shouldn’t they be glad Aviva is not going? I’m confused.

"I really wanted to go, but I just can't"

Aviva laments to Reid that she really wanted to go on this trip but now she has asthma. She really wanted to put the asthma aside and go on the trip. Reid says she can’t go, it’s out of the question, it would be irresponsible. Aviva agrees. Trip is out.

They take an open wagon to the cabins

Montana! Carole, Heather, LuAnn, Ramona, Sonja and Kristen get their luggage at the airport. They realize how few people are there, it’s just them and the mountains. Sonja calls it a ghost-town. There is a wheelchair waiting for Aviva. Then they all joke about Aviva having a wheelchair waiting for her at the airport. Heather finds is suspicious that Aviva isn’t going on any of the trips. They are in the middle of nowhere and they see the ranch. Kristen is wearing high heels, wrong shoes for a trip like this, but once a model, always a model. First the ranch receptionist hands them some huckleberry juice in a jar to welcome them. Then they get on an open wagon, like Little House on the Prairie, to go to their lodges. The Antler’s Cabin is for Kristen, LuAnn and Heather. The Beaver’s Cabin Sonja, Ramona and Carole (who graciously volunteered to stay with the drunken duo). They seem pleased with the accommodations.

Kristen tells them they are going to herd cattle, that’s the #1 thing to do in Montana. They all get on horses. There are cows everywhere. Ramona is disgusted because her horse is eating and she demands a new horse. She trades horses with LuAnn. They are actually pretty good at rounding up the cattle. They all had fun.

"I'm not your friend any more! Bye!"

The ladies are going out for the evening to the Ranch House Restaurant. There are horses and cattle outside the building. Ramona smells horse shit, she can’t eat. LuAnn asks Sonja to tell the stories the facialist recently told her and Kristen. Carole says the woman gossiped about Sonja and Russ having a fling. Carole says since Sonja didn’t deny it, she had to call Russ who denied it. Then there was the story she told of LuAnn dominating men. LuAnn is furious that Sonja didn’t throw the facialist out of her house for talking about her friends. They keep rehashing that bit of gossip, proving they all sure know how to beat a dead horse. LuAnn goes on and on about Sonja not firing her facialist over this gossip. Sonja says gossip been going on for centuries, gossip and hairdressers go together. LuAnn doesn’t think it’s funny. She is upset for Sonja for not getting that she is upset over this. Here’s the five year old version: “Your friend said something mean about me.” “No she didn’t.” “Yes, she did.” “No she didn’t, she was just joking.” “No she wasn’t.” “Yes she was.” “I’m mad at you!” “Why? I didn’t say anything.” “Yes you did.” “No I didn’t” “I’m not going to be your friend any more if you’re friends with her.” “I’m going commando!”

Can this show really be renewed for another season? What do you think?

Picture Credit: BRAVO

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S5E15

Sonja to Ramona: We're white trash? What is white trash anyway?

So Monday night was the third and finale episode of the St. Barths trip and the same theme carried throughout all three episodes. Aviva just could not get over the fact that she and Reid were invited to the island only to get there and find out her husband was really NOT welcome. How do we know this? Well first of all there is LuAnn’s remark that he would change the “dynamics” of the trip simply by being there. LuAnn has tried to distance herself from this comment and much like a politician, she actually denied saying it. Ahem, roll the video tape! She sure as hell did say it! Then, there is the conversation where Ramona wants to appoint LuAnn as the ambassador of bad will, to ask Reid to leave the enormous house (that he was invited to stay at by hostess Carole) and go to a hotel. And finally, my intuition tells me that Aviva was informed by someone, a producer perhaps, that Ramona and Sonja went hotel shopping just in case they could not tolerate Reid’s presence. Now that is pretty extreme! How the hell would anyone feel who made a huge sacrifice of leaving her family, to do something that produces huge anxiety and fear only to be treated poorly by the very friends who asked her to come? I’m cutting Aviva slack for being a “Royal Pain,” and maybe if she had a little more support, she would have calmed down.

On tonight’s episode…"they love me, they love me not," Aviva’s “white trash” insult gets a lot of airtime. Ramona and Sonja could not figure out what the hell "white trash" is so they google it. I can’t believe they got this far in life without knowing what the term means, however regardless of the meaning, they were both highly insulted. Sonja’s one night stand with Tomas, her throwing herself at the butler/chef and her excessive drinking with Ramona the entire time may lead one to think their behavior is trashy. Even Sonja admitted that in her blog.

Wait a minute, there's a couple's date?

Moving on to the “couple’s dinner” comprising of Carole and Russ and Aviva and Reid. It was just supposed to be a quick dinner and back to the group and I’m really not so sure no one else was invited. However, the fact Heather had no clue about this dinner wasn’t right. She was blindsided. She flew off the table and on to the beach to sulk. Carole catches up with her and they make up quickly. There is potential for a real friendship here so maybe Bravo will get rid of one of them? They have no flair for real drama, they are too real and intelligent for reality television.

Heather and Carole,Two reasonable, non argumentative individuals. They make up in an instant.

And, I don’t know why the hell Ramona and Sonja got so insulted over the couple’s dinner in the first place, since they spend most of their time alone, with each other. Case in point, EVERYONE is invited to Russ’s performance and all the cars are headed there. However, when they arrive, the car with Ramona and Sonja is missing. It turns out they went back to the house “to pack.” If that isn’t a royal insult, I don’t know what is. Seriously, these women are always talking out of both sides of their mouths…they want to be included and find every excuse to exclude themselves. Just like Ramona not wanting to jump into the pool with everyone else. And then Sonja just pulls off all her clothes and jumps in. Why the hell does she feel everyone needs to see her naked? These are two extremely self-centered, attention seeking, drama queens! They have gotten so extreme I am even liking LuAnn, who seems to be trying to act classy when she isn‘t chasing pirates on the side. I think Carole has been a good influence on her, reminding her how gracious royalty is supposed to act.

No one sent me the memo that a girl's vacation includes

being drunk and naked all the time.

After Russ’ concert, those who went return back to the villa for a special final dinner on their last night at St. Barths. More talk from Ramona about how Carole never mentioned she would be spending time with Russ. She claims she never got the memo. Clearly, that was Carole’s first and foremost reason for going, to spend time with Russ, who she never sees. I think Carole (Bravo) was thinking that Russ would be busy much of the time so why not invite the girls for a little getaway. Then, the producers figure let’s throw in Reid so the others will be pissed. By the way, is there evidence of a real concert or has this scenario been manufactured for the sake of the show? I have to wonder because Bravo got no footage at all of it. What do you think? 

Well another Bravo vacation from hell, what else is new? Will what happened in St. Barths stay in St. Barths? Will LuAnn's "secret" rendezvous with Tomas slip out to Jacques? You bet it will, otherwise why even  included the footage and make a stink over it. And why the hell would LuAnn cheat on Jacques on her first night there, if she really wants to have a baby with him? Hmmmmmmm, maybe she just created an opportunity for more drama and airtime for herself? Stay tuned!