“Ten Gallon Spats,” how clever is that for a title? NOT! I have to wonder if there will be another season of RHONY after watching this episode. Not only has nothing significant happened all season, with the possible exception of Book-Gate, but the cast is acting like a bunch of five year olds fighting at a playground. Let's retitle this "Five Year Old Squabbles."
Kristen talks the girls into going to an upscale dude ranch in Montana for Labor Day weekend, like they haven‘t had enough vacations. Carole says she called Russ about the rumor of his sleeping with Sonja. He says he loves her and he would never disrespect her like that. Ramona thinks this trip is “b o r i n g. It’s going to make the Berkshires look like a major city.” Aviva has moderate to severe asthma and she can’t fly because of the altitude and she is also allergic to horses, according to her doctor. Did he really test her for horse allergies out of the blue? Because last time I looked around NYC there weren’t many horses around. Anyway, long story short, she will be absent from this trip too. It’s really too bad because Aviva was looking forward to the trip and she doesn’t know what this medical condition is all about. She will be tested again in a couple of days. Guess what? She still can’t go. Surprise, surprise.
Sonja has a cheap idea for a face lift, tape and string, to pull her face up. She says she would have not chosen Montana for a getaway, but she will make the best of it. Her intern sorts through her underwear to find the right ones for Montana. You have to set the mood with the lingerie, it’s the foundation, says Sonja, who likes to go commando.
Ramona and Kristen go shopping for riding boots. They also need chaps. Kristen is a size 10 and she wants the salesman to surprise her with a pair of boots. Ramona tells Kristen that Aviva has asthma. Kristen never heard that Aviva suffers from asthma before. She thinks Aviva is lying about having asthma so she can get out of going to Montana. Kristen calls Aviva out on the asthma. Aviva pulls out all her prescriptions and inhalers and says these must be fake then. The doctor told Aviva there is no question that the flight and animals will make it worse. Kristen wonders out loud that suddenly all Aviva’s phobias went away, so where did the asthma come from? Aviva, totally prepared for confrontation, whips out a doctor’s letter. Seriously, why does a grown woman bring a doctor’s letter to her “friends”? Maybe Aviva is tired of being called a liar. Kristen says she doesn’t believe Aviva and she doesn’t know why, even with the letter. Kristen says Aviva’s health was perfect until she was invited to Montana! This really angers Aviva. Ramona watches the whole argument. Aviva wants Kristen to show some compassion. Aviva thinks Kristen is being very rude. Kristen says she can never go on any trip she always has an excuse. Here is the five year old version: “I’m sick.” “No you’re not.” Yes, I am.” “You are not!” “Am so!” You just don’t want to come with us!” “I do want to come, but I can’t” “No you don’t. You’re not sick, you don’t want to come.” “I do so, see my inhaler?” “Big deal, anyone can have an inhaler.” Etc, etc, etc
Holla Heather and Carole are excited about the trip to Montana. Heather is a tomboy. Carole likes adventures way more than cocktail parties. Carole thinks Aviva is allergic to fun. Heather thinks she exaggerates her small ailments not to have to go anywhere. If that’s how they feel shouldn’t they be glad Aviva is not going? I’m confused.
Aviva laments to Reid that she really wanted to go on this trip but now she has asthma. She really wanted to put the asthma aside and go on the trip. Reid says she can’t go, it’s out of the question, it would be irresponsible. Aviva agrees. Trip is out.
Montana! Carole, Heather, LuAnn, Ramona, Sonja and Kristen get their luggage at the airport. They realize how few people are there, it’s just them and the mountains. Sonja calls it a ghost-town. There is a wheelchair waiting for Aviva. Then they all joke about Aviva having a wheelchair waiting for her at the airport. Heather finds is suspicious that Aviva isn’t going on any of the trips. They are in the middle of nowhere and they see the ranch. Kristen is wearing high heels, wrong shoes for a trip like this, but once a model, always a model. First the ranch receptionist hands them some huckleberry juice in a jar to welcome them. Then they get on an open wagon, like Little House on the Prairie, to go to their lodges. The Antler’s Cabin is for Kristen, LuAnn and Heather. The Beaver’s Cabin Sonja, Ramona and Carole (who graciously volunteered to stay with the drunken duo). They seem pleased with the accommodations.
Kristen tells them they are going to herd cattle, that’s the #1 thing to do in Montana. They all get on horses. There are cows everywhere. Ramona is disgusted because her horse is eating and she demands a new horse. She trades horses with LuAnn. They are actually pretty good at rounding up the cattle. They all had fun.
The ladies are going out for the evening to the Ranch House Restaurant. There are horses and cattle outside the building. Ramona smells horse shit, she can’t eat. LuAnn asks Sonja to tell the stories the facialist recently told her and Kristen. Carole says the woman gossiped about Sonja and Russ having a fling. Carole says since Sonja didn’t deny it, she had to call Russ who denied it. Then there was the story she told of LuAnn dominating men. LuAnn is furious that Sonja didn’t throw the facialist out of her house for talking about her friends. They keep rehashing that bit of gossip, proving they all sure know how to beat a dead horse. LuAnn goes on and on about Sonja not firing her facialist over this gossip. Sonja says gossip been going on for centuries, gossip and hairdressers go together. LuAnn doesn’t think it’s funny. She is upset for Sonja for not getting that she is upset over this. Here’s the five year old version: “Your friend said something mean about me.” “No she didn’t.” “Yes, she did.” “No she didn’t, she was just joking.” “No she wasn’t.” “Yes she was.” “I’m mad at you!” “Why? I didn’t say anything.” “Yes you did.” “No I didn’t” “I’m not going to be your friend any more if you’re friends with her.” “I’m going commando!”
Can this show really be renewed for another season? What do you think?
Picture Credit: BRAVO