Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6 E14

Heather is sharing Aviva's sex text with the girls!

“Sex, Lies and Facials” sounds like an interesting title . . . Let’s see if it is!

We start at LuAnn’s rental in Saratoga. Sonja is leaving in Lu’s limo. Sonja is ranting to the limo driver who takes her bags and puts them in the car. Carole thinks Sonja is pissed because they won all the money at the track and she didn‘t. Sonja is wandering around outside and comes back when she realizes no one is coming out after her and frankly she is drunk. She goes on and on about being ditched and she will not listen to Heather’s version of the events, otherwise known as the truth. Sonja starts eating cheese and farting around the kitchen .. . Everyone leaves . . . Way to clear a room out.

Carolina Street. Music, dancing and drinking. Sonja is “tripolar” according to Carole. Sonja is acting the cougar, going up to guys and kissing them while guzzling more booze. Shouldn’t we have an intervention for Sonja already? It takes a village to keep and eye on Sonja!

Next stop West 41st Street in Manhattan. Ramona and Avery are in the city. Ramona arranged for a driving instructor to give Avery a lesson there to be sure she knows how to drive everywhere. Avery parallel parks without a problem and Ramona is blown away. Then she tries it again and smacks the car behind her! Avery, Ramona and the instructor find funny. I am still trying to figure out why? I hope it was Ramona’s car.

Back to LuAnn and her charity event for breast cancer. The event is going to raise money by selling dresses. Kristen is modeling the dresses. Aviva drops by and Ramona looks surprised. Aviva was very shocked to see Miss USA there. Apparently George told Aviva that he and his girlfriend spent the night together with Miss USA.  WHAT???

Miss USA getting third degree by the Ramona Gossip Police

Aviva is seated next to Ramona for some brilliant reason. Maybe this is LuAnn’s idea of humor? LuAnn introduces her co-host from Hollywood Life. Heather gets a hilarious text from Aviva and starts laughing during a serious speech being made. Then Ramona and the others girls read the text and all start laughing. LuAnn is not pleased at their rude behavior. LuAnn introduces the “long dress” for bidding, and out comes a mystery guest wearing it. Carole and Aviva start bidding and it turns in to a competition. Carole says it’s win-win, Aviva overpays for the dress and can’t return it and the charity made more money. The mystery guest is an old RHONY, Kelly Bensimon. Sonja is starving. Aviva tells a story about Miss USA that George told her, which is hard to believe. Aviva makes George swear on her good leg that it’s the truth and says he is not a liar. Seriously, George is not a liar? Oh well. LuAnn is upset with Aviva for bringing up the Miss USA story. Carole, who doesn’t get sucked into any drama, is enjoying Kelly, it’s a nice change of pace. LuAnn is disappointed at Aviva’s behavior, it was shocking. Ramona, who has no class or tact, approaches Miss USA and drills her about her stay at Aviva’s. She interrogates her about what time she came, when she left and everything in between. Ramona tells her George is saying she stayed over his house. She laughs and denies it and thinks it’s funny. I think Miss USA wanted some television air time and went along with Bravo producers, to create yet another fabricated and totally unbelievable story, to get it.

Sonja is bragging to her intern about her sexcapades. She calls it a victory lap, some might call it the walk of shame. I call it sleazy and disgusting. It’s one thing to sleep around and another to brag about it constantly. Kristen comes over for a facial and Sonja says she is calling the guy from last night back after she leaves. The person giving the facials says LuAnn likes short French guys with fake French accents and she does whatever she wants. She likes to be in charge in bed, that’s why she likes short men. Sonja and Kristen find this hilarious. Sonja says that Russ, Carole’s ex, slept with her at St. Barth’s. Please! No one is going to believe Russ slept with Sonja. He was devoted to Carole at the time and barely had enough time to spend with her. Sonja is really making me sick.

LuAnn and Carole chat. LuAnn thinks Aviva invited Miss USA to the charity event, no one else knew her. Carole thinks Aviva creates all that sex talk to make herself more interesting. Kristen meets up with them. She tells them about her facial at Sonja’s. She fills them in on what the woman said. LuAnn laughs. All her men were tall, there was nothing small about Jacques. The woman said LuAnn cheated on Jacques and that makes LuAnn mad. Then Kristen tells them that Russ slept with Sonja while he was still with Carole. Carole says Sonja has an insatiable need for attention and doesn’t believe it. This show has slipped so far from “reality” it’s not funny.

Are you calling me a liar?
Am I my father's keeper?
It's a free country, I can text about my dad's sexcapades!
Who are you to talk? Your daughter makes art about sex!
Poor LuAnn doesn't have a prayer for a rational conversation.

Aviva is decorating her house with art and has invited the girls over to see some of the art. She wants her apartment to feature emerging artists, and that includes Lu’s daughter, Victoria. Kristen doesn’t get the point of this get together. Neither do I Kristen, but soon we will see what the producers have in mind. Aviva says she wants them all to discuss the artwork. Kristen is still confused and so am I. Ramona isn’t happy to be at Aviva’s, their history stinks and then add her experiences with George to top it off. So why does Ramona keep showing up? Kristen says the art is interesting, but there is no Elvis art so she can’t get into it. LuAnn is done with Aviva, she says she 100% crossed the line. Sonja is also there, probably to drink at the bar and snag a man. Aviva thinks all the girls are getting along and there is going to be no drama. Aviva must believe in fairy tales too. LuAnn is dying to see Victoria’s piece. Now, Lu takes the opportunity to talk to Aviva and asks her if she invited Miss USA to her event. Aviva says no. Lu doesn't believe her. Aviva says she is not a liar. Lu says she wouldn’t have thought of it except for Aviva's text message saying her father had a threesome with Miss USA. Aviva swears she did not invite that woman to her event. It makes no sense. Aviva gets her dander up because she doesn’t want to be called a liar. Aviva claims she was shocked when Miss USA walked in. Lu says she should be disgusted by her father’s actions, it’s gross. Aviva says she isn’t responsible for her father. Oh no . . . Aviva says LuAnn’s daughter is making art about sex. LuAnn is losing her patience and her mind trying to talk to Aviva. This conversation ends badly. Heather and LuAnn agree Aviva is a liar. Aviva said it was ok to share the text, and Heather did ask first. Then Aviva told everyone to check their text. It is a little sick that Aviva texts about her father’s threesomes anyway, don’t you think? She should stay totally out of his "affairs" and, at the very least, not broadcast them.

Now for a recap, let's get this all straight okay?

It's about the fact I didn't use a ghostwriter!
It's about calling me a liar!
It's about Carole insulting my writing!
It's about my NOT inviting Miss USA to your event!
It's about my giving Heather permission to share my sex text
about my Dad's menage a trois with everyone!
It's about the fact I am not my father's keeper, I just humor him.
It's about the sex in Victoria's art!
Get the f*ck off my back, B*tch!

Picture Credit: BRAVO

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