“Go Tell It On The Mountain” is the title of this week’s trip. Do we really need to tell these women where to go tell it? They live to spill their guts to each other, to the media, on Twitter . . . And everywhere else. Aviva has asthma and is medically forbidden to go on another trip. No planes and no horses for her.
Sonja complains to Carole that the girls cancelled their dinner reservations and they are stuck in the cabin. Henry shows up. He is a young ranch hand and Sonja checks out his ass and then mentions she has no underwear on. Someone needs to send Sonja for counseling. She is always preying on young men. Ramona is running amok complaining that there is no air conditioning in the cabin. Without AC Ramona will self-combust from menopause. Ramona has never gone fly fishing and is going to try it. Her enthusiasm is underwhelming. At the other cabin Kristen, LuAnn and Heather are getting ready to go fly fishing with their bandanas. All the women are in the cold water when Sonja blurts out that any leftover eggs she may have left are now frozen. Heather caught a fish, but he got away three times. They start arguing whether they should have dinner with the chef the ranch hired or at a restaurant. You know damn well they will be eating with the chef. Ramona complains about the service and how Kristen is a bad hostess and didn’t make sure everyone had everything they need. Ramona wouldn’t be happy if she was eating at the Taj Mahal, had a Prince wait hand and foot on her and fill his swimming pool with Pinot.
The chef is preparing a great meal and all the ladies sit at the table. LuAnn says “Sonja seems to have a stick up her ass . . . Correction, it’s the whole tree.” LuAnn confronts Sonja about what the facialist said about her. Lu is still offended. Kristen keeps saying it was funny. Ramona says that Aviva made the asthma happen because she didn’t want to be away from Reid. Carole says she has Munchausen Syndrome, she creates illnesses for attention. Ramona wants to call Aviva. LuAnn is so fed up and angry with Sonja for not throwing her facialist out of her apartment for dissing her friends. Sonja yells it wasn’t what she said, she was just repeating what the community is saying about LuAnn. Sonja calls LuAnn a pig. Heather is offended and Carole gets a headache. Ramona and Kristen walk away with LuAnn to calm her down. Kristen is on Sonja’s side, she thinks the whole affair was funny. So they never even get to eat! Can I have that chef prepared meal to go?
Somehow Sonja, Ramona and Heather wind up at an outdoor spa, under tents, for massages; while Carole, LuAnn and Kristen take a hike. LuAnn drones on about Sonja not having her back and not understanding how she feels. Kristen tries to make excuses for Sonja that maybe all her problems are causing her embarrassment and she is pushing her friends away. Carole thinks LuAnn is more sensitive than she appears and Sonja should know that.
They get together to discuss what they are going to do in Montana. Kristen, Heather, and LuAnn are going rapelling . . . Jumping down a cliff. They have a guide/instructor. Heather isn’t too enthused. Kristen seems to want to show off and goes first, but she is clearly nervous and freaking out because Heather keeps talking. The other three are going skeet shooting. First they apply sunscreen. Then they flirt with their hot cowboy, Paul. Now the shooting begins. Carole is worried about hitting a cow. She should be worried about Ramona or Sonja shooting her. Meanwhile Kristen is screaming down the mountain. Heather summed up Kristen’s intention beautifully, she wanted to prove something to Heather, that she could do this. Maybe Bravo Andy gave her a bonus? LuAnn goes down the mountain without half the screaming Kristen did. LuAnn deserves a huge bonus! Heather just scoots down the mountain like Spiderman.
Now they all pee in the woods and luckily have toilet paper and squares to spare.
All six ladies meet up with cowboy, Paul. They decide to go “geocaching.” Ramona starts complaining she doesn’t want to do it and doesn’t even know what it’s called. They have to go on a trail and use a compass to find the “treasures.” Carole brought trinkets to leave behind for others to find, while Ramona is constantly complaining about the game and the whole trip. Kristen really wants to find something and is using her compass to go round in circles. Heather didn’t want to do it and she just checked out of the activity, which pissed off Kristen. Heather has joined Sonja and Ramona, maybe she is more than a little tipsy too. Kristen grabs Heather and that’s when Heather realizes Kristen doesn’t think she is being funny. They are all walking in circles and making me dizzy. Heather and Kristen are getting on each other’s nerves. Kristen says Heather is bossy. Heather says she is honest, she doesn’t feel like looking for a trinket that no one cares about. Heather says she has done everything asked of her. Kristen gets pissed and walks off.
Next week another week in Montana…somebody shoot me.
Picture Credit: BRAVO