“Something To Sing About” or not. Apparently we are going see LuAnn refuse to perform at open mic night, or will she?
Here we go. Heather and Kristin and their two husbands meet for dinner. They start off with a “bossy” discussion. This is called beating a dead horse. Heather and Josh agree on the demands of business and the crazy, unpredictable hours. Who cares? Kristin really wants her husband to “get” that he has a wife and family, and he needs to make time for them. He doesn’t get it.
Next! Ramona Mario and their daughter are around the piano. Ramona mentions open mic at Birdland. Mario is learning a new song, “Effortless,” written for him to sing for the occasion. Ramona says they are going to go because Mario loves to sing. They are going to ask LuAnn to go too. A guy is playing the piano and Mario sings. Well all I can say is I hope Mario doesn’t ever go on The Voice because he stinks. RHONY has officially run out of material for storylines!
Sonja interviews a new intern. She is a psychology major and Sonja doesn’t want to be analyzed. Too bad because Sonja’s behavior is worth putting under a microscope. Aviva pops up during the interview. Sonja has prepared a serene setting in the garden to deliver bad news to Aviva. Aviva is happy to see Sonja. Sonja tells her about Montana. In general they all got along really well, except for talking about Aviva the whole time. Aviva is shocked, but should she be? And then Sonja throws her best friend, aka BFF, Ramona under the bus saying she started the ball rolling on Aviva. Aviva asks if they were worried about her, but Sonja sets her straight. They thought she lied about asthma and the nebulizer was just a prop, all to get attention. Aviva says her lung capacity was under 50% and she couldn’t take the chance of being hospitalized. Aviva says she went to the Hamptons for two days knowing her doctor would be there. Aviva, somewhat outraged at their accusations, says maybe she is lying about her artificial leg to get attention too. Sonja wants to protect Aviva for some reason. I guess we will find out when the sh*t hit’s the fan in the finale (which I hope comes very soon).
Carole’s turn at bat. Carole is still playing with her new book and is holding the UK copy which has a different cover. She has to make the audio version of her book. She is sending out galley copies to get a buzz going with some important people like Barbara Walters and Kelly Rippa. Not to mention, she gets a ton of free publicity on the show for everything little thing she does to it.
Back to Ramona. She is meeting with a plastic surgeon. She wants to look good for open mic night . . . seriously? Ramona suddenly discovers that she enjoys Kristen and is taking her under “her wings.” The doctor is melting a layer of fat on Ramona’s stomach. They want Kristen to start botox, Kristen says no. Good for you Kristen! Then Sonja gets on the table and gets a little too graphic with her sexual moves and explanations. Where is that psychology intern when you need her?
Kristen decides to cook a meal for date night so Josh can’t say he doesn’t come home because there is never any food on the table. Kristen has no clue how to cook anything. She looks like it’s the first time she has been in her kitchen . . . or any kitchen for that matter. Josh was supposed to be home at 6 PM and it’s 6:30. She calls to confront him about it. He is on his way. He gets bent out of shape and yells at her that he had a conference call with six other people. Come on, it’s only 60 minutes anyway.
Sonja and Harry Dubin get together. They had a hot relationship 25 years ago until he chose another date on New Year’s Eve. They have a picnic in the park. She likes the way he smells when he sweats…too much information. Sonja appreciates the way Harry “gets” her when her girlfriends don‘t. Was this scene necessary? Harry will say or do anything to continue to be cast on the show.
Kristen and Josh continue their fight. Kristen is a whiny winge. Kristen’s potatoes are suffering. We are all suffering. She asks him to set the table, even though she had an extra 30 to 60 minutes to do it herself. He says he doesn’t mind eating out. Now he tells her! She could have just relaxed and waited for him to come home instead of trying to figure out how to cook. They sit down to eat and he thanks her for making the meal. But Kristen can’t let go of the fact that he was late. She is such a nag! No wonder poor Josh doesn’t want to come home. They agree to go to a mediator and Josh thinks the mediator will side with him.
LuAnn is taking professional pictures with Jacques and her dogs. She feels their relationship is in trouble. Perhaps this is a little foreshadowing, but too bad we already know they are no longer together.
Ramona is at open mic night at Birdland. Mario and Shane will be performing. Ramona calls them “my two husbands.” LuAnn is supposed to be singing with Heather as backup. Ramona thinks Heather sings better. Heather looks fantastic and she is a good sport. Sonja is also there, big surprise. LuAnn decides she doesn’t want to sing. Ramona doesn’t blame her, she knows she can’t sing and there is no autotune there. LuAnn doesn’t want to show up Mario, so she jokes. Lu thinks Ramona is teasing and bullying her and she is just there to support Mario. LuAnn tells Ramona she will sing if she wants to and, if she doesn’t want to, she won’t. Everyone thinks Ramona is being obnoxious, so what else is new? Lu is losing her patience with Ramona and her hurtful rudeness. The host announces Mario, who comes up to the stage. He sings a love ballad to Ramona (all the while isn‘t he having an affair with a young woman?). Sonja is nervous for Mario. She should be, Mario stinks. The song stinks. And Harry is stuffing his face with chicken like a caveman.
And next up to sing is Heather. Heather sings Bill Bailey. They think Heather sings great, like a superstar. I mean she sings pretty good, but a superstar? I guess they have very low standards. Don’t get me wrong. Heather was head and shoulders better than Mario . . . but even a howling dog could have beat Mario.
P.S. LuAnn tweets she did get up and sing “Big Spender,” but it was cut from the show. Good for you Lu!
Picture Credit: Bravo