Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Real Housewives of New York: What The Hell Moments S6E9

No way is Sonja going to listen to Josh or anyone!
Didn't we learn anything from Heather helping her?

“The Last Splash” is the title of tonight’s drama fest. Another of the famous housewives trips takes place as Heather invites everyone, except Aviva, who is busy, to go to the Berkshires. Ramona has been apologizing on Twitter for throwing a glass of wine at Kristen. Kristen tweets that this episode is “Lip-Gate” . . . I wonder what is in store for us tonight?

What the hell is wrong with Sonja? Sonja goes over to Kristen’s for some advice from her husband, Josh, about how to launch her businesses and hopefully turn her financial situation around. Sonja incoherently explains all the ventures under her Sonja brand umbrella. Josh says she talks about a lot of things, but she has no focus. He advises her to hire an advertising agency, professionals who will create her brand and decide which ventures she should pursue and in what order. Sonja has mastered the art of ignoring advice. Instead, she is sticking to her own agenda and listening to the voices in her head. Sonja keeps telling him she has people she is working with. He keeps telling her to stop and get people who will create her brand. Obviously, Josh can see Sonja is all over the map with her ideas and “her people” haven’t managed to do anything yet. Round and round in circles they go. I get dizzy. Kristen returns and sees things didn’t go as planned. Sonja leaves. Josh says she is “delusional.” Didn’t we all know that already?

It's tough when a guy breaks up with you before
you even have a first date!

Off we go to Carole’s house in Beverly Hills. Her friends come over. She shows them her new book, the galley edition. Carole says she broke up with Russ 6 months ago and she brings up her dating slump. Carole tells them she got set up with a guy who calls and cancels their date because he recently started seeing someone else. Carole says, he broke up with her before they even went on a date. Poor Carole.

The obnoxious, snobby Singers just don't "get" the Berkshires

The girls meet at a restaurant. Ramona and Kristen are the first to show up and they are at odds over the wine throwing incident. Luann and Jacques are also there to take up space, they say nothing. Everyone is seated and Heather makes a toast. She invites them to her home in the Berkshires for the weekend. The Singers don’t “get” the Berkshires, everyone they know vacations in the Hamptons, but they will be good sports and go. Is it just me or are these two obnoxious? Heather says everyone is coming except Aviva, who is busy with something else. Whether Aviva was really busy or decided to sit this one out, I don’t know, but it was a smart move. Josh tells everyone that he met with Sonja and she has no focus. Ramona is annoyed at Kristen and Josh for talking about Sonja behind her back. LuAnn doesn’t think Josh should talk badly about a woman at a dinner table, but understands his frustration. Did Ramona forget she was talking behind Sonja’s back last week? I guess that’s okay because they are bff’s? And what the hell is Heather thinking  inviting everyone to her home? She has been around these housewives long enough to know this is not a good idea. I guess Bravo made her do it.

Next thing we know, Carole is sitting with Kristen and a professional matchmaker. Carole realizes she has been dating the same “type” of man over and over for the past 10 years. She needs to revise what she is looking for. They discuss the different types of men and Carole wants to know what is the perfect type for her. Kristen thinks she needs a businessman. The matchmaker says he will arrange a “drink” date for a brief meeting with someone for her. Carole doesn’t know if this process is for her or not, it sounds awkward. Carole has been placed in a lot of situations that are out of her comfort zone thanks to scripted reality. This is just another ridiculous storyline concocted by producers. Why Carole stays on the show is beyond me. Oh wait, no it’s not! She did it for the sake of her new book, Widow’s Guide. Last season she got the “buzz” out and this season she is selling it. Free infomercials. Do I think that was the “ploy” Bravo Andy used to reel her in to the cast? Yes I do.

Ramona complains, she isn't very limber.

Sonja and Luann try some antigravity yoga. And Ramona shows up. Damn it. Sonja says she could do without Ramona today but she’ll deal with it. This is the first thing Sonja has ever said that I agree 100% with, only I can’t deal with it. Apparently this outing was Luann’s (producer’s) idea and everyone there is younger than they are. They are all hanging lopsided from filmsy, silky hammock things. Ramona is glad the class is over and wants to know, “who goes to the Berkshires?” No tennis court, no pool. Ramona likes “luxurious.” Ramona grew up in upstate NY and it reminds her of her lousy childhood. She hasn’t been there since her father died. Now if this isn’t foreshadowing for some trouble at the Berkshires, I don’t know what is.

They are all on their way to the Berkshires, Ramona, Luann, Sonja are in one car. Ramona says the Berkshires are for people who can’t afford the Hamptons. She asks if Heather has air conditioning at her house? They tell her of course she has air conditioning. Heather calls them to see where they are and tells Ramona she has no air conditioning. Ramona immediately calls the air conditioner fairy and demands that one be delivered to Heather’s house. Ramona says Luann is a terrible driver. From what I could see, she may be right. Perhaps the countess isn’t used to driving?  Carole and Kristen are driving up together in another car and Kristen rehashes the wine incident.

Arrival at The Berkshires. Heather and Luann hug. Ramona and Sonja finally get out of the car. It’s hot as hell. Ramona asks Heather “if this the house or the garage.” Heather is insulted, who asks that? All I can say is “you invited her Heather.” Ramona says it looks beautiful on the inside. Heather sarcastically replies, “it’s not bad for a garage.” Ramona says the house is boiling. Ramona is dying. Heather keeps pointing out to them where they can stand to catch a breeze from the window. Carole and Kristen arrive. A delivery “man” comes to the door with an air conditioner and Ramona tells him to bring it upstairs. Actually, he looks like one of those young interns that Bravo always has on hand . . . By the dozen.

Kristen thinks it’s obnoxious that Ramona ordered an air conditioner and had it delivered to Heather‘s house. Heather takes it pretty well and says old people need to stay cool in the summer. Sonja makes a pass at the delivery kid, telling him he is good looking. Uh oh, it doesn’t look like the windows are suited for air conditioners, they open sideways. The “delivery intern kid” is looking at the box like it’s the first time he ever had to install an air conditioner. The air conditioner is on the floor blowing air and Ramona and Sonja are right in front of it cooling off their boobs.

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream
Life without Ramona Singer would be such a dream!

Heather suggests swimming in the pond and once again Ramona has issues with getting her hair wet. I guess she thinks she looks bad enough without adding stringy wet hair. They get to the lake and have to get their own canoes. Ramona is complaining nonstop, what else is new. Heather, Luann and Kristen go in one canoe, Carole, Ramona and Sonja in the other. I actually feel very sorry for Carole. It’s peaceful on the lake and they all seem to be quietly enjoying the water for a second. They are going to do a little fishing. Carole is enjoying herself trying to catch a fish while Heather is still trying to figure out how to get her reel to work. Carole catches a small fish.

Kristen and Heather get an earful!

Ramona, who is the biggest pot stirrer, tells Sonja that Josh was bashing her at dinner. Heather swims up to the canoe and overhears Ramona talking about Kristen. Ramona doesn’t like Kristen and calls her a bystander who talks to no one. Kristen swims up and hears Ramona say Josh was bashing Sonja and Kristen didn’t stop her. Kristen splashes Ramona . . .

and Ramona gets pissed. Ramona throws her glass at Kristen’s face. Kristen’s lip is bleeding. Ramona yells at Kristen, “You are two for two. You’re a b*tch.”  Luann says Ramona overreacted to Kristen’s fun splash. Heather says Ramona is out of line, the girl (Kristen) makes money on her face. Carole thinks they are crazy and she is out of there. Kristen’s lip is swollen and cut. Ramona claims she was provoked. She takes off with Sonja. Good riddens.

Fat lip? I couldn't swear it was swollen or bleeding.

I am just going to add that nothing in this episode has the ring of truth to it. The whole thing seems to be fabricated for our enjoyment. Too bad none of it is enjoyable. I think reality television should at least have a plausible script with a pinch of credibility. Would anyone in their right mind hang out with people they don’t like, let alone take trips with them? Please. Let’s get real Bravo. You need better writers. Hire Carole.

Picture Credit: BRAVO

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