Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Mob Wives: A Whack Pageant

I have not done much in regards to blogging about the Mob Wives series.  Actually just so you know I have about 4, coughs 5 blogs waiting in the drafts to be published.  Now if you don't see anymore posts from me you know Mob Mistress has fired me, for complaining about the management around here.

A sin is a sin; I have to admit to not watching Mob Wives every week faithfully.  What can I type?  I have a family to provide for; career before hobby right?  I do watch an episode here and there.  I did however make a date to watch the Mob Wives finale episode.  No worries lotion was not involved.  I do not want to turn off any readers.  I was glued to my chair the entire episode.  As I sat there, I thought, 'These women are quite attractive.'    In the tradition of Miss America and Miss USA I thought that I would give you my list of who I think would win the tiara.  The scores are based on looks, personality, and who would most likely whack me, in the middle of the night.

The first contestant is Renee Graziano.  Per my tastes Renee is not the most attractive. She seems to like her cosmetic & plastic surgery.  I have a type.  Ms. Graziano's strong features are a bit much for me. I have viewed old & current pictures.  She is a good looking woman; I would rate her a 6.  Renee has the most pleasant personality on the show. She seems genuine in her efforts and in life.  In addition, she seems like a real friend to the women. I give her a 9 in personality. As for the whacking in the middle of the night she does not strike me as too crazy.  She scores low on the whack scale; I give her a 3.

Once upon a time there was Bennifer, then there was DRILA.
The second contestant is Carla Facciolo. She is a fit woman & has a nice figure. Her face is really pretty.  She is one that fits my type well. Her nose is a little big.  However, it does not take away from her beauty.  The hair does not work for me.  It seems like she needs some type of update to bring her into the 21st century. I give her a 7.  Carla's personality is kind of suspect.  She seems a little conniving and dishonest.  I am not sure if she really likes anybody on the show except for herself.  2 is all I give her for personality.  As for whacking me she seems too out of it to do any killing.  I think she would not do me dirty. She earns a whack score of 1.

Drita D'avanzo is the next contestant. She is a beautiful woman.  She is the most fit. You can tell that all the Leeing through the years have aged her.  Her face is really hard.

(Mob Wife slang)

1. To defend Lee.
2. To send Lee mozzarella, cold cuts & Vanilla Coke.
3. To waste a decade of one's life waiting for Lee.
4. To act as if Lee is something a woman could not get over. (Example: Karen Gravano)
5. To listen to Lee behind bars call you a dirty cunt.
6. To protect Lee's name.  In spite of it NOT being a name one could protect due to his public criminal record.

Even so, D.D. is a striking woman.  I watched the sexy photo shoot episode.  My reaction, "Wow!"  She can look really soft.  Her looks get an 8.  Drita possesses the most entertaining personality show wise. She is a hulk minus the green & shredded clothing.   The one time soccer athlete is ready to fight at the drop of a lek (Albanian coin).  She is fiery.  There is a major drawback to this fiery personality.  Mrs. D'avanzo does not take time to listen and calm down.  A fighter in every aspect, she does not back down.  I will give her a 6 for personality.  I do believe I am afraid of Drita.  She would have zero trouble killing me if I pissed her off.  She is off the charts when it comes to anger & overreaction.  Rage garners her a 10 in the whack capable meter.  I am afraid, very afraid.

Last but not least, it's Karen Gravano's chance to win the tiara.  When I was asked who is the one I find most attractive I immediately answered, "Karen."  She fits my type.  I could explain but I have sh!t to do.  It's called sleep.  Just know, I find her very attractive. She is not the most fit but who cares?  I don't.  Her face is pretty.  Her body has womanly curves.  She gets a 9 from me.  In addition her personality is equally to my liking.  She is not the most friendly.  Yet, she does seems to be honest.  Through her dealings with Drita, I am under the impression she truly tried to be a friend.  The daughter of Salvatore "Sammy the Bull" Gravano values loyalty. She is not fiery.  Though she seems like she can handle herself if needed.  Ultimately, I give her a 7 for personality. As for the whacking part, she could go Drita on me.  When it's all blogged & done, I think she could take the Al Green route,  throwing hot grits on me.  I speculate Karen's whack potential is a 5.

Are boots just made for walking? Take notes ladies.
To declare the 1st winner we will calculate the scores for each Mob Wife.  The formula is looks plus personality minus whacking potential = Tiara for the Mob Wife with the greatest potential not to kill me if  we were an item. 

Renee: 6+9-3=12
Carla: 7+2-1=8
Drita: 8+6-10=4
Karen: 9+7-5=11

The winner with my math is Renee.  Karen is the runner up.  I was tempted to skew the results as if Donald Trump & pick who I think is the prettiest.  While physical beauty is important to most men, it can fade quickly.  If you manage not to get whacked by your wife you're left with her personality.  I find Renee the most enjoyable.  I could hang out with her.  Honestly I like a little meat on a woman.  Renee and Karen both fit the bill.  It was very close, fur coat to fur coat.  I crown Renee Graziano of Staten Island, New York - Mrs. Mob Wife U.S.A. 2011 (season 1 of Mob Wives).

I can't wait for the Mob Wives Reunion show airing Sunday, July 10 on VH1 @ 8PM.  After watching the finale I know the Mob Wives won't let me down. I am looking forward to seeing them all dressed up.  As always, I appreciate you're reading.  Share your thoughts on who would win if you were the judge.


Isabella Incarceracianelli said...

I was drinking my coffee while reading this and literally spewed my coffee on my monitor laughing when I read the definiton of Leeing! Yes, I agree, my main girl Renee wins the tiara this season hands down.

I never thought of adding a Whackometer to the equation but when you factor that it, yes, it does alter the results.

Mob Mistress said...

Good MornTING Isabella~

I have relatives in town. I will get your post up soon. I laughed when I read the draft!!!


All complaints should be kept internal. LOL! Who fires someone who works for free? I enjoyed the post. My favorite part is the Whack factor, funny!


Where you at?

Chiara Soprano said...

I love this blog! What an original concept! This is what makes our blog so unique. The definition of "Leeing" is a classic and I hope no one steals it. Can you coin a phrase? Or copyright it? As to where I was, I was busy working on something for the blog, as usual, lol. In this site it's not just about quality, it's about quantity too. And that takes some work my friends!

Robert said...

Underboss thanks for informing my boss that I was doing everything accept work. He came over and then insisted I show him what's so funny. The upside is he laughed too.

The Underboss said...

Thanks for the comment. I am glad you laughed at the blog.

Anonymous said...

perfect scoring !
slightly disagree about dritas fitness level ..
bad posture , hunched shoulders ..
weak legs & the ugliest hands i've ever seen ...
an indication of her ruthless character ..
she's beat ...
karen is gorgeous ...
renee striking & they both have the nicest personalities out of the bunch ..

The Underboss said...

Thanks for your input. I agree that Drita is a bit ruthless