Mob Wives: Recap “The Realest B*!ch Is Back!,” Ep 501

How you b*tches gonna have a roof top party

and not invite me?

Season 5, episode one, starts with a Big Bang! Where to start and what to say? This premiere is loaded with drama . . .

We start at Mr. Lee’s  (Lee D’Avanzo) Sports Card store! Drita is opening the store and taking phone calls. She says the store is doing great, but Lee needs her help. By the way, where the hell is Lee? It’s his store, right? In walks Big Ang. Drita tells her they are still trying to adjust to being a normal family. Drita says having Lee home is like having another child. With the small talk out of the way, they get down to business. Ang says she talks to GNATalie and Gnat says she misses Ang’s smiling face. Drita wants to invite Gnat to join her and Ang at an Albanian fiesta. Then the two witches of East Wick start attacking Renee. Drita starts complaining that Renee was bashing her all summer. Drita forgets that she blindsided Renee at the season 4 reunion with things that happened going back to season one. And Big Ang chimes in she heard Renee has been calling her a clown and talking about her family all over Staten Island. Big Ang is pissed and Drita feels she is justified. Oh well.

In the meantime, a visibly upset Renee is at home packing her suitcase. Renee says she is not speaking to any of the girls and she has had enough. She says Drita wanted to crack her head because she talked to Karen. Renee says the more she gives her friends, the more they stab her in the back. Renee says Ang, who has been her friend for most of life, betrayed her by hanging out with GNATalie. Renee needs to leave town. But where is she going?

The Witches of Eastwick

SOUTH Philly GNATalie is going to an Albanian fiesta with Drita and Ang. Alicia can’t join them, she is waiting to be sentenced. Poor, poor pitiful Alicia. All the Albanians come out once a year to the Vulcan Whatever Club. They are all having a drama free night until GNATalie asks about Renee. Drita says she is taking a break from Renee. Big Ang says she is pissed because Renee has been talking about her family and Renee is done! GNATalie is not surprised. GNATalie tells Drita that Renee told her Drita was a rat and Lee robbed ATMs. Drita, who will explode in a nanosecond, wants to know why she didn’t tell her this before. GNATalie says she wasn’t close to her back then to tell her those kind of things. Drita is seeing RED. Drita wants to put her f*ckin’ head through Renee’s face. Drita is losing her sh*t because Renee is still talking about her precious Lee . . . again! She is going to have to make Renee stop talking. Drita is very offended at being called a rat. Ang turns to GNATalie and says, “you know what you just started?” and GNATalie smirks. Gnat is just there to start sh*t!

And now,all is right with the world!

Renee shows up at Karen’s door! Big happy reunion for the two friends, “better than Christmas.” Karen says they will always be close and stay in touch. They missed each other. Karen says she has been in Arizona focusing on her daughter and her father. Karen wants to know what brings Renee to Arizona. Renee says she is having trouble with Drita, Alicia, and GNATalie; Ang won’t take sides and she needs to. Karen says Drita better not crack Renee’s head. Karen heard that Alicia doesn’t want to be in the same room with her after everything she said about Sammy. Karen says she read things on social media and GNATalie was disrespecting her family and calling her father a rat. Renee says GNATalie is a moron for f*cking with Karen and so are Drita and Ang for hanging out with her.

Gnat and London are a team and she is giving him a crash course in the funeral business.  Gnat calls herself the Boss, what a laugh. Gnat is not the boss. Her grandfather owns the business and is the funeral director. Gnat is a cosmetician who does hair and make-up on dead people who don’t give a f*ck. GNATalie starts calling Renee a fake, a liar and a phony. A smiling GNATalie says she didn’t realize how upset Drita would get. Renee is a compulsive, lying, two-faced b*tch. I think Gnat just described herself.

Big Ang says family comes first. Ang brings AJ’s unborn little daughter, Angelina, a gift. She wants the baby to bring stability to his life. Ang seems happy with AJ’s progress in turning his life around. This is what he needed to stay straight and sober. AJ has a court date coming up soon. He needs to stay clean and sober or he could be sent to jail.

At “Lady Boss,” Drita drops in after opening Lee’s store. Drita seems overwhelmed. Drita is making a list of things the store needs. The customers start coming in and she is way behind on her own work. Lee calls to see if she called the pool guy and he wants meatballs and ravioli for dinner. Drita is tired of Lee being the boss while she pulls all the weight. Giselle calls and wants Drita to come home now! Drita wants a stiff drink and peace and f*ckin’ quiet.

Renee returns home and feels better after visiting Karen. Karen calls. They have a little chat. Renee tells her there is a summer party that the girls are all going to. Renee is not looking forward to going, but she isn’t going to let them keep her away. The girls make her sick and she doesn’t want to see them. Karen says she has to go and face her fears. “Fight harder than you have fought in your life. Stand your ground.” Karen says she will be in NY soon.

Party time, wonder who is going. Drita and Big Ang arrive at the party. Ang is glad Renee isn’t there. She says Renee has been talking about everyone all summer. They decided to invite GNATalie to this rooftop summer bash. So now we have the three witches of East Wick all in one place again. Here comes Renee. GNATalie sees Renee come in. Ang says Drita will flip when she sees Renee. Renee is busy with her other friends. They all see each other. Renee feels bad that Ang, a friend of 20 years, is giving her the cold shoulder. Drita wants to pull each of Renee’s teeth out with her bare hands. Renee says Drita looks really pissed off and feels something is going to happen. GNATalie takes it upon herself to go get Renee so they can talk to her. Renee is so pissed to see GNATalie in her face that she immediately walks away from her. She wants to strangle the Gnat. Renee leaves with a friend saying she “will never let the f*ckin’ enemy win.”

The Realest B*tch is Back! Hello!

Drita starts a new rant. No one is allowed to talk about her precious Lee. Ang is pissed and looks like hell. Why does Ang look so haggard? Renee decides to go back into the party after cooling down. Gnat calls Renee a lowlife! AND THEN Karen walks into the party! HELLO! Renee is so excited! Karen says she wants to see Drita and Ang. Karen goes over to the two of them and says, “how you b*tches gonna have a rooftop party and not invite me?” Karen doesn’t like that everyone is gunning for Renee’s head. Drita is not happy to see Karen. “No more three against one Mother F*ckers.” Ha! GNATalie takes a look at Karen and decides to leave . . . no run. Run little cockroach!

GNATalie can't leave fast enough after seeing Karen!

Don't let the door hit you in your sorry ass!

GNATalie was acting tough on social media and disrespecting Karen, but now that she is face to face with Karen she goes running with her tail between her legs. Gnat calls Alicia to fill her in. Alicia is another one who will not be on the show because she is afraid to come face to face with Karen. Renee is so happy to see the roach run scared. “The tables have just mother f*ckin’ turned.” Karen says, “You can’t hide forever b*tch.”

"Bye, b*tch, bye!"

Congrats to Jennifer Graziano for the best season premiere yet!

Picture Credit: VH1