Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Mob Wives: "Blog Wives," My New Show?

How about a new reality show about the real wives that blog about the reality wives, or more specifically, the Mob Wives? I like the idea and it’s been running around in my head, so I thought I would write a little skit how it might go down. (Jennifer Graziano, are you reading?)

We need a cast of characters for the show. Four is all I can handle by myself! Let’s see, we’ll have a Gina, Maria, Sophia, and Rosa, all bloggers but from two different blog sites. Sometimes they get along and share information, sometimes they don’t, because after all they are rivals in competition for readers and try to out scoop one another.

Gina and Maria write for the NYCMobWives.com, while Sophia and Rosa write for Chi-townGoomahs.com. They have never met before and conduct all their business via blog comments, twitter and email. However, Jennifer Graziano has just announced there will be a Mobsters Ball at the Biltmore Hotel, in Manhattan, and the four women have decided to attend. The day of the Ball arrives and all four bloggers meet in the hotel lobby, at the bar. They have all ordered drinks.

Gina: (going up to Sophia and Rosa) You must be Sophia and Rosa from Chi-town? I’m Gina.

Sophia: (laughing) I’m Sophia and this is Rosa, nice to meet you. How did you know it was us?  Did our fu*king laptops give us away?

Gina: Yeah, the laptops and the fact you looked just how I pictured you. This is my partner, Maria.

Rosa: Nice to meet you Maria! You’re the one with all the sources, right? (laughing).

Maria: I have a few reliable sources that are only too happy to share information. How about you? Has anyone contacted your blog to give you the dirt on anyone yet?

Rosa: I’d be lying if I said no. The Omerta code of silence is definitely dead and buried. Have you checked-in yet? I was thinking we could go to dinner tonight and get to know each other a little better before tomorrow night’s party?

Gina: Sounds like a good idea to me. Any place special you‘d like to go? Actually, the hotel restaurant is excellent, but if you want to see a little of Manhattan while you are here, I can recommend another four star restaurant.

Sophia: The hotel restaurant sounds fine to me. If we get done early we can always have a little talk. Maybe we can resolve some of our differences while we are here, you know, Mob Wives style? Have a little sit down and put it all out on the table. What do you think?  Things have been getting out of hand.

Maria: It sounds like a good idea to me. I don’t have time to answer all the fu*king emails, comments and tweets and write blogs too.

Sophia: What? And we do? Just because our blog is a little younger than yours doesn’t mean we have less to write, we actually have more to write and research.

Gina: You can’t say you have more to write than we do! Let’s keep it real, okay? We are covering both shows and that means ten or more cast members. Hardly anyone will come to your blog just to read about the NY Mob Wives, we’ve covered them for two fu*king seasons! We have a loyal following.

Rosa: Wait a minute! We have had a lot of hits on our NY Mob Wives blogs. People are reading them and commenting plenty!

Maria: Hey b!tch, we have over two million fu*king hits already! I don’t see a fu*king counter on your blog, so who the hell knows how many hits you have or don’t have. And, we are getting almost double the hits since Mob Wives Chicago started! You can see our counter going crazy with your own eyes.

Sophia: So it’s all about the fu*king counter now? How do we know that isn’t the two of you and all your friends clicking on your own blogs to drive up the numbers, b!tches?

Gina: B!tch we keep it real, that’s how you know! We don’t make up facts for our blogs, they are dumped in our laps by people who know the cast.  And we sure as hell don’t have time or need to click on our blogs a million times to prove anything. Our blog speaks for it’s fu*king self.

Rosa: Do you know how many times I have wanted to leave my laptop and fly to Chicago to confront you about something you said in email, Gina?

Gina: If you want to come to my house, you’ll get an old laptop upside your head, so you’re more than welcome!

Sophia: Are you kidding me? You want to play Mafia Wars here and now? I win B!tch!

Maria: You win? (evil laugh) You are new to Mafia Wars, we got everything in place to take you down B!tch. You won’t know what hit you and I won’t have to take my shoes off either!

Sophia flings her drink in Maria’s face. Gina grabs Sophia’s hair. Rosa is trying to pull Gina off Sophia. Maria punches Rosa in the eye. Hotel security comes over immediately, but not before Rosa’s eye swells up and Sophia’s mouth is bloodied.

They are all talking and yelling at once. “She started it!” complete with finger pointing, are coming from all four women. They continue yelling, even while restrained by security.

Maria: I’m gonna blog this as fast as I can type, b!tch! You got some balls throwing your fu*king drink in my face! You’re lucky you got one good eye left!

Sophia: Your fu*king b!tch partner pulled out my hair!

Rosa: I can’t see out of my eye motherfu*ker! I’m blind! I’m blind! How am I going to go to the fu*king Mobster’s Ball tomorrow? I’m blind!

Gina: Shut the fu*k up b!tch, Sophia started it and we finished it! Stop whining about your eye already or I’ll shut the other one for you. Jennifer has seen plenty of them. You seen one black eye you seen them all. Somebody get her some ice and shut her mouth!

Rosa: I wish we were in Chicago instead of New York right now! I’ll bet you wouldn’t act so tough then!

Maria: Looks like we’ll be able to see the whole fight on video. Jennifer’s cameramen filmed the whole thing! Great! You b!tches are making us look bad! I’m done!

Follow me on Twitter @ChiaraSoprano! for all the latest mob wives information!


Hey you said...

Hahaha, it hilarious!

Chiara Soprano said...

Thanks, Mob Mistress almost died laughing while reading it.

The Underboss said...

Good job. It was funny.

Mob Mistress said...

Very funny, I was crying laughing.

Chicago Fabulous Blog said...

LMAO but Chi-townGoomahs thats a no go!

Chiara Soprano said...

Why is it a no go? LOL this is a comedy!