The show starts @ The Manor. I guess this is a fancy establishment or something. Teresa Giudice with husband Joe and kids are all dressed up. Boy that family can dress! Walking in Teresa asks how his stomach is holding up. We see a sign welcoming guests to the christening celebration for Guiseppe Gorga. Seconds later we see Teresa approaching her brother & sister-in-law's table. She congratulates them. Her brother tells her to step away from the table and then tells her she's garbage. What the hell?
The screen goes dark, I read, One week earlier. Thank you Bravo! I was lost in the sauce. Now we are @ the Giudice's pizza place. It's packed and called Giuseppe's Homestyle Pizzeria! Can I get a slice? Joe is slinging pizzas and talking to one of his employees. Teresa is looking stylish as ever. Bankruptcy hasn't hurt her at all in the looks department. Next she's sits down for a book signing of her best seller cookbook "Skinny Italian". Gia, Caroline Manzo and Jacqueline Laurita show up to support their friend, castmate and mother. The Guidices appear to be doing all right.
Next we get to check on the progress with the Manzos. If there were ever a Cleaver family of reality television, I think the Manzos would be it. Caroline with husband and adult children in tow are looking @ an apartment. I see a spin off show in the very, very near future. If this isn't a prepping of the viewer for the "Boys to Manzos", I don't know what is. I wish them success. The boys are showing off their apartment to their doting mother, father Albert and sister Lauren. We learn that Albie's law school dreams have been put out. He looking forward to moving on and out. Caroline's funny baby boy Christopher will be moving in with his older brother. Remember the Manzos are thick as thieves. So though we know Caroline is proud, we see her pain of letting 2 out of 3 of her babies go. Say or write whatever you want about that woman, she is a good mother. The Manzos appear to still be solid as a rock as a family.
I get to see the New Jersey Housewife I fancy the most next, Jacqueline Laurita. Mrs. Laurita
Next Teresa & Jacqueline are having a chat @ a local park. Teresa shares how her brother has drifted from her, since he married Melissa. People warned her. Jacqueline thinks she should try to talk to her brother about it. Besides the distance between her sibling, her own family's financial situation was a blow to her. She shares that she didn't know about how bad it was, until Joe told her they needed to go to the lawyer's office. Jacqueline tells her that she'll get through both the financial and brother situation. Teresa sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
All right people, it's time for us to be introduced to the new blood. First up is Melissa Gorga. She is living the American dream. She's spoiled. Her and Joe have been married for 6 years. She's in a sparkling blue dress when she asks him to lotion her legs. He asks to lotion her butt cheeks. He knows they are dry. I laugh. She brags how her husband showed her the plans for their 15,000 square foot home. And Teresa never told her that her home was beautiful. She states that Joe expects a home cooked meal every night. The kids must be clean. There are to be no dishes in the sink. Joe says his wife is his hero. Good for them, really no sarcasm here. Still @ the Gorgas we hear how happy they are to bring their last son into God's Kingdom.
Conveniently the door bell rings, and it's #2 of the new blood the Housewives of New Jersey clan. It's Kathy Wakile, Teresa & Joe's first cousin. Melissa shares that Kathy and her have a close relationship, more like sisters. Kathy is her go to person. As they eat lunch Kathy asks about Teresa. The negativity starts.
We are back @ the Manzos. Christopher is doing his Cajun voice which is gibberish. Albie gets lectured on keeping Christopher in line. Good luck!
We are back @ the Gorgas. Folks are getting ready for the christening. Trust me when I type more Gorgas means more dramatics for one of Bravo's hottest
I never thought you should get tipsy prior to going to church. However, the classy parents of baby Joey drink champagne, beers and get table pounding happy. Maybe they thought the church roof would fall down on top of them. Alcohol does have a numbing affect, no? Frankly I do not mind the "feel no pain" attitude. However, I might do the same if my whole life seemed to be devoted to keeping up with the Jones & one upping them.
We are back @ the Guidices who are getting ready for the christening. Gia has a gymnast competition that she can't miss. She'll missed part of the celebration. I might add now, not the part she should have missed. Joe Giudice is lagging in the garage. The poor guy is sick. Every reader sing and clap with me, "Diarrhea (clap, clap), diarrhea (clap, clap) people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny. Diarrhea (clap, clap), diarrhea (clap, clap) no pain no gain just let it drain."
Joe Gorga, we learn is a hard working man. He is a big money developer which affords his family a certain lifestyle. He seems to have his wife on a short leash. She cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids. I guess that is a good thing. In the episode, we find out that the two Joes grew up together and were close. Joe Giudice looked after his father-in-law while he was sick. Joe Gorga was working. The entire episode we heard that Joe Giudice is lazy and Joe Gorga is a hard-working man according to Melissa. Huh, since when is taking care of a sick in-law a lazy move?
As the episode goes along we are finally brought full circle. We're brought back to The Manor were it all went down. I cannot call it a reception because everybody in attendance was looking like they were regulars at 13th Ave Pub in Lynnwood, Washington on a Friday night. I guess I am getting off topic again. I have tendency to ramble but I do have a point.
At the christening celebration, we see Joe Gorga getting blitzed with his friends. He asks Joe Giudice to have a drink. He declines. Allow me to remind you that Mr. Giudice is suffering from bubble guts. This refusal is the trigger to the drama. Teresa and Joe are trying to be cordial which for them seems to be a challenge. I can appreciate they did not make the event about them. They even danced with their beautiful nephew. They respected the family. I can't write the same about the Gorgas. Did they learn their etiquette from the high school lunch room?
Teresa goes up to Melissa and Joe to congratulate them. Drunk Joe and immature Melissa ask why is she doing it now. They basically disrespected their sister and sister-in-law. Joe Gorga calls Teresa garbage. Now I am a man. If someone in my family called my wife garbage, I would be ready to kill them. Joe Gorga does decide to address the situation. Of course nothing happened really just a bunch of cussing and grabbing. I heard someone yell, "Gun!" I also saw a group of numb nuts seem to try to keep the patriarch of the Gorga clan away from his son. Who are these goons? Is this Mob Wives?
I am of the opinion that Melissa Gorga is the root of all the bullshit this episode. She seems jealous of Teresa. Melissa drove a wedge between the siblings and created this friction between the Joes. Now if you can remember earlier, I made the claim that Melissa looks about 18. I am sure she is older but she is really immature. She needs all the attention. The sad thing is that Teresa and her are one in the same. The season should be interesting. We should see how this drama unfolds. Until the end, I will be watching. At the end of this episode my thoughts were:
It was primarily Joe G. versus Joe G. episode 1 of season 3 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I think Teresa, Jacqueline and Caroline won. They handled themselves well this episode. I had the nerve to think this series would be boring without the seemingly narcissistic, lying, crying, former stripper Danielle Staub.