Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Mob Wives: Analyzing The Mob Wives

Renee is very emotional.

I have been marinating on this blog for a long while now. Originally I thought I would describe each mob wife with one to three adjectives that best describes them. But after thinking about it, that wouldn’t be enough. I am not a one to three word writer. I like to write and one things always leads to another. I don’t know if this blog is going to make the cut, but I am going to give you my analysis of the mob wives based on everything I have seen, read and heard. I have already given my thoughts on Jennifer Graziano in another blog. Let’s see if you agree with me on these points.

Renee is highly emotional, extremely protective, very compassionate, loyal, sensitive and has a definite set of right and wrong values and rules that she strongly believes in. Renee needs everyone to get along because her life has been full of chaos and she needs stability, consistency and peace. She needs to be in control and there is a reason for that. Living a life where you never know what is going to happen next, sets you off balance. It makes you become a controlling person because you want to and need to manage things and people to stop the chaos. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work because we can’t control everything around us. With all that Renee has been through in her life and because of her insecurity, she needs to know there are people she can totally trust and go to for support.

It's all about Carla!

Carla is extremely superficial. I think Carla is loyal to Carla. It’s all about Carla, for Carla. She cares too much about how she looks and what people say and think about her. She loves gossip. She goes to the gym and works out. She is into fashion and shoes. She comes across as shallow and fake. I’ve never see her “connect” emotionally with anyone on the show, even Drita. When Renee had all her complications with surgery, Carla didn’t reach out to her and put their differences aside. When Junior was arrested in season one, Carla didn’t go to see Renee. Now that Renee’s father was arrested and Junior turned informant, the only time Carla comes out of the woodwork is to defend her “honor” against rumors. It’s always about Carla. I think the “fame” of being on the show has only gone to her head even more. Sadly, I think she identifies herself with who she is on the outside and not on the inside.

Karen is grounded.

Karen strikes me as the most grounded, consistent and stable. She is open and honest. She has done a lot of introspective work even before writing her book. The book just accelerated the process. She has come to terms with the past events in her life, the good and the bad. She knows what is important to her now, her relationships with her closest and dearest family and friends. She has a sense of direction of where she wants her life to go from this point on. She is loyal, loving and trustworthy. She cares about people. She shows her friendship by being there when needed. She doesn’t just talk the talk. Her life seems the least complicated of all the mob wives. She is able to think clearly about all the opportunities coming her way.

Bigg Ang is the comic relief!

Bigg Ang is cool, calm and collected. Maybe it’s because of all she has been through or maybe it’s just her personality not to let thing ruffled her feathers. She shies away from drama, as though she has had enough of it to last a lifetime. She has a wonderful sense of humor that she uses to put everyone else at ease when tensions build.

Ramona is brutally honest!

Ramona is a loyal, strong, no nonsense, committed individual. She is a straight-shooter. You never have to guess what she means when she says something. She avoids some personal topics that she doesn’t want to share, but on other topics she is very forthcoming and can be brutally honest. She is very protective of the people she cares about. She is confident, knows who she is; she is proud of it and doesn’t try to hide it. She has strong opinions and stands her ground. She is consistent and maybe a little misunderstood because of her tough exterior. However, I can see beneath the hard shell, she has a heart of gold.

Drita is always ready for a fight!

Drita strikes me as being very insecure and scared which is why she is always ready to fight and throw the first punch. Maybe she feels inferior, so that fighting and bragging about beating people up is a way of building herself up. Maybe she has anger issues that stem from her childhood that she isn’t even aware of. Maybe acting tough is her way of gaining respect from others. Drita seems to exhibit “reactive aggression” which means she misperceives cues as being hostile and then reacts with aggression (like she did on the balcony and rooftop). She lacks the ability to talk through an issue and in her frustration lashes out with physical violence.

Sorry to say that the techniques that Drita has been turning to, boxing and anger management, are not working too well. These things take time and commitment. She would have to learn behavioral skills on how to handle situations that set her off. Drita isn’t that committed to either process from what I have seen. Her desire to end her fighting isn’t strong enough to be working well either. The next solution I would recommend would be for the other wives to help her diffuse her anger before she gets to the point of throwing a punch. What are the odds of that happening? She almost exploded when Carla suggested they read Karen’s book. Drita has a short fuse. Anything and everything might set it off.

What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Of course so much more could have been said, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Chiara!

Great observations~I totally agree with you about Karen, Ramona, and Big Ang (every girl needs a Big Ang in her entourage!) . I also agree with you about the others, but I'll add my observations:

Renee--I agree with everything you said, but I'll add one more thing: she is very insecure about herself, and her insecurities play out quite similar to Drita's, in that she is always threatening to kick somebody's ass the minute she hears something she doesn't like-it's a defense mechanism. And anything might set her off too--let's not forget about the "effing crumbs" scene, lol!

Carla--I agree, she is a bit self-absorbed, but I will say this--she is quite loyal to Drita. I respect the way she stands by Drita (right or wrong). I notice though that ever since Joe came home, her balls are getting bigger and bigger when it comes to what she won't tolerate from others--I guess she feels like somebody's got her back now.

Drita--Like Renee, I think she is passionate and emotional (maybe less so) and I think her history of fighting comes from insecurities from her upbringing. In order for Drita to move past that, she would likely have to start life somewhere else--I'm certain Drita isn't the only one in Staten Island throwing her hands up everytime somebody pisses her off. I grew up with cousins like her, and it really is just the way it is when you've grown up that way, and still live two blocks from where you grew up...

Anyways, my two cents...
Samantha

Chiara Soprano said...

Samantha love your name and your input. I do agree with you that Renee is insecure but for different reasons than Drita. Also, while they lash out at things they find offensive, Renee is not one to raise her hands at the slightest provocation. I think Drita needs to stick with professional help and take it seriously. Now the haters will hate me for telling the truth (as I see it).

Anonymous said...

Thanks Chiara--I like your name too! I've always liked Drita, but I still see your point. She needs to take anger management if she is serious about not fighting. Fighting is so deeply rooted in her that she can't just let it go. It's going to take full-fledged effort to control that. Old habits truly die hard.

Samantha

vai said...

I totally agreed with both of u and Samantha's two cents. I also noticed that Carla's acting like a tough guy. She grew some balls overnight. Maybe because he husband is back at home, maybe she's trying too hard to be like Drita or maybe because she knows both her husband n drita will be there to back her up. She's loyal to Drita because she's scared of her.

I love Karen. She's the kind that don't say much but when she says something she means it. Ramona is a hardcore lol. She's someone that u don't want to mess with. I never seen fear in her eyes even when it comes to Drita. The meeting she had with Carla, I was scared for Carla's life. The looked on Ramona's face was like she was ready to choke Carla. There's one thing I know Carla can mess with Renee but not Ramona.

I like big Ang, she's crazy:) anyway I can't wait for Sundays episode. I'm curious about Dritas n Karen's making up.

Funlady28 said...

I think when you grow up in a rough neighbor the option of turning the other cheek when it comes to confrontations will just get you beat up. It is really hard to transition from that mentality to one where you use your words to get your point across. Hopefully Drita will continue to work on her anger management and will stop fighting. Her and Renee will always be my favorites though.

Chiara Soprano said...

Funlady, you may have a point about transitioning, but that was a long time ago. She still seems to brag about her fighting days, like she is proud of it. At 35 years old, as a mother and for her own good, she might want to take steps with a professional and stick with it. It even sounds ridiculous at this point to talk about beating up people. It doesn't model good behavior for all the young fans she has, and she has plenty.

Funlady28 said...

I agree but as someone who grew up in the hood who had the same tendencies it's not as easy as it sounds. I grew up in a really bad area and I had fought almost everyday from 3rd grade until junior high school. Not because I was a bully but because I was small and I was a bit of a nerd. You get to this point that you want to do the most damage possible so you will be left alone. If it wasn't for the fact that I wanted to go into law I would probably still be fighting. I still have my moments when I feel aggression during a conflict and I have to WORK to keep it lady like. You know fighting isn't going to solve the problem but it's what you know.

Chiara Soprano said...

Funlady, considering your experience gives you greater understanding on this issue, I will concede it's very difficult. I think we can both agree that at this point, she should get some professional help if she can't learn to handle it on her own. I wish her the best with it.

Anonymous said...

Hi there. I was just wondering if anything has been written about the fact that Drita's fans are so aggressive? Is it just me who thinks/sees this? Her fans are 100% the type to physically harm someone who went with one of their exes. Now, I must admit that anyone would be unhappy about the possibility of being in someone's book. But, that Drita's not intelligent enough to realize that respecting Karen's feelings and working through that issue would have made it easier to deal with Karen's plans for the book, boggles my mind. Have I missed any blogs on this issue?

Chiara Soprano said...

Anon, We haven't written any blogs about the aggressive tendencies of Drita's fans. I have noticed that they admire her "tough" talk and look up to her for it. Many of her fans are young and she realizes it. She reads the comments. Surely she can see she is setting a bad example to those who look up to her.

As for Kareen's book, Drita was very briefly mentioned as someone Karen knew. Karen did spend a few pages on Lee but she also spent 7 years of her life with him so it would be unreasonable for her to have left him out.

If you are interested in any topics there is a search feature on the right hand side of the blog near the bottom. You can type in a topic and blogs related to that will pop up on top.

Thanks for commenting!

Anonymous said...

I agree with the person above with the aggressive fans, yikes they are extreme and just as delusional as their idol. I read Karen's book and it gave me a new perspective and newfound respect for her. She says not one bad thing about Drita in her book, not one! I cannot believe after reading the book how Drita thinks use has a nerve to say what she does about Karen! Drita was lucky to have a friend like that in her life especially after knowing the full story between karen and lee also.

Deana3452 said...

I have to agree with the above anonymous. While I usually like Drita, anon above is right. I read Karen's book just recently and I was surprised...she didn't trash talk anybody in there, even Drita. That was nice of her.

Mob Mistress said...

"You get to this point that you want to do the most damage possible so you will be left alone."

I live by this. However, did you throw punches over words once a grown up & mother of children. I've seen bullies from the rough neighborhoods & from posh neighborhoods. I've heard a whole lot of yip yap from country bumpkins to those who live behind the gilded gates.

I frankly don't think it matters what socio economic background one comes in regards to maturing & learning appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior.

Anonymous said...

Exactly. There are tough things to deal with in childhood but as an adult, you learn boundaries. Life is full of stress and conflict, but Drita obviously doesn't hit everyone who looks at her funny, or she would be in jail. She can keep it in check if she has to, she's not out there punching cops, or her bosses, or her kids' teachers. She always starts with the hands, nobody else ever hits first, and she only does it with people she knows aren't going to call the cops and only when they're pinned or not expecting her to throw a punch. It's bully behavior so the excuse that she was bullied 35 years ago is a little thin.

Kel said...

Great job Chiara! This was an interesting post. I agree with Mistress that maturity and life experiences will shape (mature) your personality. I come from a pretty wealthy family who aa a punishment to my C's placed me in a very bad public school ( I has always attended a private catholic school prior to this). My parents wanted to give me a lesson. They wanted me to know the difference between having good education and not appreciating it vs. bein in a school with limited resources and still seeing kids who pushed themselves to make honor roll. It was tough and I got into fights almost every single day. As the school was predominately black, I got picked on a lot for having a black dad and a white mother. My mouth and temper never helpe me either, as I never shied away from a fight. Being that I was placed in an extremely hostile environment I can see how that changed me. Up until I was 19 I used to get into fights all the time. Fighting was my defense mechanism and I was an extremely angry and hostile individual. However, I eventually grew up!! I realized that my hostility just brought more problems and hostile situations into my life and I also had 2 younger brothers who were stating to look up to me and act like me. That made me change really fast as I wanted to show them the best version of me possible. Thinking about ending up in jail and hurting my family simply because I refused to grow up seemed like the most selfish thing to do. Drita should be in jail. She is a very adult woman who has 2 young girls looking up to her who will soon also start assimilating her as well. She doesn't care. She continues to physically assault people without any fear of repercussion. The way she puts hands on Karen really makes my blood boil. If Karen was relate to me, I'd make sure Dirta would be sitting in jail for assult and battery. See if the court mandated anger management still doesn't work then. She sits there and seems to proudly incinute that her and Lee would go to physical blows discusts me. What does she think this information will do to her daughters?! She is a truly awful "role model".

Anonymous said...

I think everyone's observations are pretty on point: on the one hand, many of us who grew up in tough neighborhoods can relate to the fact that Drita had to fight a lot growing up, but on the other hand, it's time for Drita to leave that violent past behind her and not drag it with her into the present and future like Linus' blanket.

Then, at the same time, as I sit here and write this, I think "come on, let's be real--we're watching a show about the wives, daughters and girlfriends of mobsters. These women either grew up in and around the lifestyle or married into it, a lifestyle that condones the use of violence to get to the end result. A lifestyle that promotes the mentality of "get to your enemies before they get to you," and whose golden rule says that if you tell on someone for a crime they committed, you are a rat and you are worse than the person that committed the crime itself. These are not soft women. These are women who are the daughters and wives of men who "allegedly" stole, robbed, beat, and murdered others, and they remain dedicated regardless. I'm not trying to defend Drita's behavior because I do think she needs to stop taking the fight or flight attitude so literally, but I think it's a little too easy for us to target Drita, and even easier to criticize her fans. I think we all become a bit delusional (and yes, even aggressive) when we find ourselves justifying and defending the actions of our favorites.

Heck, Ramona even went so far as to take her daughter to visit her boyfriend (not her husband, not the kids’ father) in prison. Anyone who has either been in prison, or visited someone in prison can attest to the fact that it is NOT a place you would want to take a child. At all. Instead of saying that was a bit irresponsible on her part to do this, her fans will say, “Ramona’s keeping it real, she’s holding it down for her man…” Uhhhh, really? Karen says she does not condone what her father did, but loves him regardless of his sins. Totally understandable, but then calls the loved ones of his alleged victims haters because they’re trashing her father or want to sue her. Her fans will say, “yeah, they’re just hating on Karen because she’s so successful.” But I’m sure those families loved the victims regardless of their sins too. Perhaps they’re not haters, perhaps they’re just hurting, and this book coming out just takes them a step back in the grieving process…Renee put up with Junior’s crap for a looooooong time, only to be completely betrayed in the end in one of the worst ways. Renee fans will say, “Renee is so strong, holding it together for so long, staying so dedicated to making her relationship work…” But many of us were thinking, gosh Renee you always talk tough (which we love), but yet you let this man walk all over you again and again. Enough with him already! We love Big Ang, and her fans will say, “oh, she just doesn’t want to get caught up in the drama…” Big Ang is a delight and I can’t wait for her show to come out, but at the end of the day, if she wants the girls to stop fighting, then she should stop instigating…

Don’t have any examples for Carla, because if there’s one thing I noticed, I don’t think anyone is delusional when it comes to her. Everyone thinks she’s superficial and self absorbed and you either like her or you don’t. Or if you’re like my husband, you’re thinking, “who’s Carla?” Cause she’s the only one whose name he forgets, lol.

Samantha

Chiara Soprano said...

Samantha your comments make for a great blog by themselves LOL. I think everyone made some very good points and I am enjoying the comments as much as you all enjoy the blog! Thanks!

Morris Park said...

Reality shows thrive on fights and conflict.

Drita has to come back into the fold. Drita has to confront Ramona; we have to find out what happened to Junior; Lee has to turn up; and we have to see Ramona's boyfriend.

Renee has to start dating. Bit Ang's boytoy - let's see him.

Ramona has a lot of children with some guy-who is he and where is he?

Any receipts for that $200,000 jewelry? Who leaves their $200,000 jewelry in a boyfriend's apt?

Funlady28 said...

Samantha- Really good points! I think at the end of the day all of these ladies are tough cookies and have a different outlook on behavior than most women.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Funlady--love the tag!! You are so right--they probably have a different outlook on behavior than most women, lol...

And Chiara, thanks for posting my blog--um, I mean comments, LOL!!!! This is a great to share our views on a show we love, so thanks for all you do to keep it running!

Samantha

Anonymous said...

Samantha, you defintely make good points, but there are shades of gray in everything. I do think Ramona would be irresponsible if she forced her kids to go visit her boyfriend, or if she came up with the idea. I don't care if she's holding it down for her man, that's wrong. But, sorry if I'm remembering this wrong, but wasn't it her little girl who wanted to go for her birthday? Prison is no place for kids, but that one is a lot harder, and Ramona had a hard time figuring it out. She seemed mostly worried about what was going to give piece of mind to her kid, not her boyfriend.

With Karen, it's possible for the families to be both victims and haters at the same time. Of course they're hurting and they have every right to go after her father and every right to the profits from his book. But when many of their relatives who were killed by Sammy committed the exact same crimes against others, and many of them also make money off talking about their connections to the lifestyle, and none of them would be exactly overjoyed if any of their relatives' victims' families started coming after their kids like they're doing, I can see how that hypocrisy would look like hate.

Chiara Soprano said...

The last Anon, yes Ramona struggled with the idea of taking her daughter to see her boyfriend in prison and even asked Karen about it. Her daughter wanted to go and Karen thought it might give her peace of mind to see he was ok.

It's also true that Sammy's victims were probably all in the mob and not totally innocent. The way the mob works is that Sammy was given orders by the family "boss" in many if not all cases. If he refused then he would be killed. There is no option to refuse to carry out orders. Everyone who is in the mob or an associate, knows the rules going in.

Funlady28 said...

As much as I don't like Karen I think it's wrong for anyone to go after the profits of her book because of what her father did. You cannot punish her for her father's crimes. I was under the impression the book was about her life but I haven't read it. Does she mention any of the victims?

Chiara Soprano said...

Funlady, it is about her life, but she may have made mention of some victims names, including her uncle, as it came up in conversation at home or what she noted based on news stories. You may want to try reading chapter one online which Karen has on her facebook page to get an idea of how the book reads. Here is the link:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Karen-Gravano/117157988365142?sk=app_187920037967264

Anonymous said...

Plus, some of the victims' families knowingly married thugs and criminals. It's not fair to choose that and then turn around and try to blame someone who had no choice to be born into it.

CeeCee said...

Drita should read the book, its really good, and its not a Nasty-Tell-All Book.

Sometimes our imagination, is far worse then the reality of a situation.

Lee and Drita are only 1% percent of Karen's Book, the other 99% percent is about Karen and her family.
It really isnt as bad as Drita thinks it is.
Besides, if someone wrote a book about me... i would read it....
so i would know what they said.

Chiara Soprano said...

CeeCee I have always said Drita should have read the book if only to see what "lies" she suspects Karen put in there and respond. If I thought someone was writing lies about me and my husband, you better believe I would read it! It makes no sense.

Anonymous said...

I think ramona and karen are full of crap and that you've totally analysed them wrong. you can just see it in ramona's eyes that she lovess to cause drama and the manipulation. you can't just alway be there at the wrong time and place. shes a mother she needs to clean her act up for her children - move the fuck away from staten island! the reason she nor most of the other cast of women can't find a decent man is both none of them have half the class they think they have nor are they intellectually stimulating. Drita has a lot of passion for someone that had nothing and thats hard to find..all the other women have no reason for being as fucked up as they are. they all continue to not let go of their past lifestyle and move the fuck on. anyway thats my perspective.

Chiara Soprano said...

To the Anon, Drita Fan above...Karen and Ramona grew up and were raised in the mob lifestyle which was NOT out of choice. They still behave better than Drita, who got a strict moral upbringing. How do you explain that? Drita, whose parents may not have had material things, taught her values. Drita turned her back on those values (which included a higher education), went against her parent's wishes and married Lee, a common bank robber. Drita is passionate...about fighting, which is all she talks about and continues to do. Drita is the one who has no excuse for turning out the way she did. Anyway, that's my perspective.

Anonymous said...

Imo Drita is a delusional "tough girl". Watching her constant bragging about being tough & beating people up is nauseating. The 1st fight she had with Karen did not prove her to be the fearless gangsta girl she brags about being. 1st off Renee was on top of Karen preventing Karen from defending herself, while Drita used itto her advantage. At the end of that episode you see the fear in Drita,s eyes & her it in voice when she says to security "she's coming,she's coming" when Karen was finally able to get free. Then at Renee's party she was very nervous she didn't cause Ramona's lip to be busted as she likes to brag about. Also after all her tough talk to the boxing instructor when it came time to practice sparring again she didn't live up to her self proclaimed fighting skills. Then when it came time for her to do an actual fight she all of a sudden has morals & backs out. She is not as tough as her mouth would like us to believe. The bragging at the video shoot about being so used to the "life" gives her the skills to drive the get-away car & getting so cqught-up while driving that she had to snap out of it. Again nauseating. I believe it like one of the others on tne show referenced that Drita is envious because she is not italian & not from the mob life. Whereas the ones that r truly mob related r trying to get away from that Drita is trying to create an image & wants us to believe she is. I think her dislike for Ramona is because she fears Ramona & she knows Ramona can see through her bs. Drita is promoting bullying, violence,& "gangsta" mentality. Imo she needs prof help to deal with her insecurities &delusions. Who starts dating your friends ex &then marries him & thinks your former friend shouldn't be hurt. Makes me think of the movie "Single White Female". Imo she wants to be Karen.