Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Mob Wives: Mob Wives Cook With Rachael Ray

The Mob Wives are all busy working on season two and I was worried they might not have time to make a big Thanksgiving dinner for their families this year. Then, my mind immediately jumped to Rachael Ray and her 30 minute meals and how great would it be if she had the mob wives cook with her? We know the expression “too many cooks spoil the broth,” but can they spoil Rachael’s turkey cutlets and stuffing? Let’s see where my mind takes me.

Scene: Rachael Ray’s set on The FoodNetwork. Renee, Karen, Carla, and Drita wearing their aprons and off we go.

Rachael: Today we are going to make Thanksgiving dinner in 30 minutes! We invited some very busy women to join me today, you may know them from the VH1 hit show Mob Wives. Please welcome Renee, Karen, Carla and Drita to the show! Ok ladies are you ready to start cooking?

Drita: I’m ready. Are we gonna beat some eggs? I’ll have to take my shoes off.

Rachael: (laughs) No eggs today, Drita. We are going to start by putting some cut up celery in a pan and sauté it. I like the crunch of the fresh veggies, it’s delish and healthy!

Carla: I do crunches at the gym every morning, those are healthy too.

Rachael: (looking a little perplexed) Next we are going to add some fresh thyme. Can you chop that up Karen?

Karen: (chopping away and laughing) What’s the “thyme line” for this recipe anyway? You have to keep the “thyme line” straight, that’s very important.

Drita: WTF! There she goes about the timeline again! (wiggles out of shoes).

Rachael: The whole meal should take 30 minutes, time wise. Karen, you can add the fresh thyme to the pan now. Oh that’s so fragrant! Let’s pop a bay leaf in there.

Carla: One bay leaf! It’s on and poppin’!

Rachael: Renee, I heard you are working on some cookbooks? Can you tell us about that while you chop up a medium size onion to go in with the celery?

Renee: (starts chopping onion) Rachael that’s true, I am working on a collection family of recipes from the Graziano kitchen. They are delicious! Until now they have been protected by our code silence. But soon I am going to share them with the world.

Rachael: Great job with that onion, Renee, you can add it to the celery. Oh it’s starting to really smell like Thanksgiving in here! A little bay in the pot and some thyme…

Drita: Can we please stop talking about the timeline already! It’s over!

Rachael: Lots of nice fresh herbs, got all my veggies goin‘…Carla, now it’s time for the 99% fat free, all white meat turkey cutlets. Can you open the package and let’s season them ok?

Carla: Oh you di-ent season them yet? Here you go, what goes on them?

Rachael: This is how you really get Thanksgiving done in 30 minutes! Fantastic! Ok Carla, first you put a little oil olive on the bottom of the pan and get the heat goin‘. Next you sprinkle a little poultry seasoning on all four cutlets which is just ground sage and thyme…

Drita: If she says time once more, I’m gonna lose it!

Carla: What else goes on them? I never use this on my cutlets.

Rachael: Just add a little ground pepper and salt, and when you are done seasoning, you use your tongs to place the seasoned side down in the pan.

Carla: Gotcha! Are we just makin’ these four little cutlets?

Renee: WTF are you talking’ about Carla, you don’t even eat anything, but salad. Let the girl cook, maybe you’ll learn something. Go ahead Rachael.

Rachael: Ok Renee, would you like to season the other side now?

Renee: Sure. You know I make the best chicken cutlets. They are my son, AJ’s favorite meal. Maybe I can share that recipe with you sometime?

Rachael: (To herself, “great, that’s what I need another cutlet recipe“) It’s smelling so yummy in here! So we got our turkey breast workin’ and we got our stuffing all ready to go here and now it’s time to drop in the cranberry muffins.

Karen: Cranberry Muffins??? I like a good loaf of bread in my stuffing!

Rachael: This recipe calls for cranberry muffins, do you have a cook book coming out Karen? If not, pay attention. Drita can you help me break up the muffins into the pan?

Drita: Sure, I can break up lots of things. Let’s go.

Rachael: Now these are just store bought cranberry/orange muffins. What could be easier than this, right? Now Renee will add a little bit of stock over the muffins mixture. To moisten it.

Renee: We are adding stock from a can? I make chicken soup all the time from scratch. That’s where the stock should come from. Who is going to eat this with store bought muffins and canned stock? No shortcuts in my books!

Rachael: It’s a 30 minute meal, so we have to take shortcuts. Drita can you take the turkey out of the pan, it has great color.

Drita: Yeah, it reminds me of me after I get my spray tan! (laughing).

Rachael: Now with the stuffing, I like to use an ice cream scoop so everyone gets the same amount. Karen would you like to scoop the stuffing and placed them in this platter?

Karen: Ok. There you go, four scoops of stuffing, and no loaf of bread.

Rachael: Great job Karen! Now Renee can you place a cutlet over each scoop of stuffing?

Renee: On top of it? Ok. I can just picture serving this to my father. He would probably refuse to eat it and tell me to flush it down the toilet.

Rachael: All righty then. Now, I’m going to take my quick made pan gravy that I made from thickening up some store bought stock and we are going to pour a little over each cutlet. Doesn’t that look awesome? (all the mob wives are making disgusted faces off to the side). Let’s all try a bite!

Renee: Sorry Rachael, I have to use the ladies room.

Carla: I di-ent know we were supposed to eat it, I already had lunch.

Drita: Sure I’ll try it, maybe I could bring some home, I have a mob there that’s dying to have some (to self: “damn raccoons“).

Rachael: Thank you for joining me ladies!

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Jnettemariee said...

Thanks Chiara, but you want to hear something really funny. I didn't realize until about half way thru that it was one of yours. Infact, when I saw it I was excited hoping to watch it later at home. LOL, I really need to get more sleep.

Rachael has good receipts but I have never EVER been able to do what she does in 30min.

Chiara Soprano said...

What gave it away? It would make for a good show! Where is Jenn Graziano when you need her? Plus she owes me chicken cutlets!

Anonymous said...

So in this little skit, did Drita like it? I NEED TO KNOW!

Chiara Soprano said...

LOL! I forgot that line! I gather she didn't like it, she was going to take it home and feed it to the raccoons.

TheOneTheyCallJoshyy said...

Gosh, 2 of my most fav women in the kichen doing what iLoe to do best, COOK & EAT!!!! This was a great written paradoy Chiara, keep em coming!!!